Need more support during summer holidays

[Bookworm94]

Writing to you all feeling desperately low.

For some context, my dad passed away a week ago, my mum passed away three years ago and my mother in law three years ago.

Its the summer holidays and obviously my dad has just passed away a week ago, I’m home with the children and we got them out this weekend to a farm and a park and I’m trying my best to put on a brave face. My oldest daughter (7) has asked me every day of the summer holidays if we can go to our local soft play, I don’t drive and it’s a bus ride and a walk away. I’ve tried my best to get them out and take them to different parks, they’ve had a cinema trip and walks but all I hear about it soft play and have been asked every morning since my dad passed if we are going today, I’m struggling with the thought of taking them out by myself right now and being around lots of people. I really am trying to be the best parent I can be and I feel so bad on both my girls having lost so many grandparents, I just don’t know how to cope with my own feelings with a constant pressure.

I’ve tried having words with her and just saying that she needs to be a little bit patient and the more she puts pressure on me the less likely I am to do it.

As 3/4 of our parents have passed away I don’t have a lot of support of anyone who could take them of my hands for a day, my partner works throughout the week and gets home at 6pm it’s all on me to provide entertainment. I’ve tried talking to my other half about this in the hope he too will have words with our daughter but he doesn’t. He also constantly feels bad on the girls on the days I don’t get them out so I just end up feeling doubly guilty when really I just want someone to tell me I’m doing a good job and not to put so much pressure on myself.

Am I being unreasonable? Does everyone feel an insane amount of pressure during the summer holidays?

please be kind, thanks

Managing kids during the summer holidays is always challenging leaving aside the grief, whether you work or stay at home. It's a no win for mums quite often. I work FT and my DD (who is older) is constantly on at me to take her out to do things despite the fact she knows I work. If I were a SAHM I dare say it would be equally challenging in a different way. Layering in the grief it's really tough and you need to make time for yourself in this picture.

I don't think it does kids any harm to learn that their wants are not always the top of the family's priority list all the time. Yes it's important to find some quality family time but you can't be expected to drop everything all the time to take your DD to softplay. I'm going through this process with my DD and sometimes the guilt is bad but that's life.

Where is your DH in all this? He sounds spectacularly unsupportive. Given that you have recently lost both parents he should be super aware that you need some support.

Is he the type of bloke who thinks the kids are your problem and not his? Why is he not doing more to take the load off? He works FT, sure. So do I and I still make time for my kid.

He needs to call in sick.

Please don’t accept this excuse op, he needs to step up right now. Two days is not enough.
If he is in the building trade they will be desperate to keep him.