My husband is driving me mad because he acts like every little task is some major effort. We split the work of doing bills and household admin pretty equally. I do almost all the cooking and housework and he does the garden which is small.
He needs to pay the factors bill for landscaping, you get 14 days to pay, the account is in his name but getting him to just do it is like pulling teeth, it would take 5 minutes to do and then we could file the paperwork away but he will leave it till the last minute because he just wants to relax and not deal with it right now.
He has to write and deliver a card to his aunt for her birthday which is already past. I bought the card and again it is left lying out for ages because it is too much hassle for him to write it out and take it round to her (she lives just a couple of streets away from us and would be happy with a 5 minute chat). I end up having to prompt him repeatedly to do things like this or pay bills, contact the bank, solicitors and so on and in the end I just end up feeling like a nag.
Our house is quite small, it doesn't get really messy but even a little mess looks worse in a small space. I do the housework and the tidying but there are times like very busy weeks where I am not home much or ill where the house gets messy, he then will make a comment about the house needing sorting, which I do (I hate a messy home to) but then he'll get home and just leave his shoes and back in the porch like a school boy, dump his wallet, works pass, keys, phone, watch etc all over various surfaces, opens his mail and leave it lying out and would do for days basically he just doesn't do anything to help maintain the basic tidiness of the home. If I ask him to put his shoes and bag away he moans "But I'm just in and need to relax". He has various drawers downstairs and in the bedroom where his stuff lives and for his post but if I put his stuff away into its designated home next thing he will be moaning that he can't find anything if he looks for something and it doesn't jump right up in his face it isn't there even if it is and I find it in a second.
If he has a job to do in the house say cooking breakfast or doing the garden he still seems to need my assistance most of the time, i.e. to get the cups ready for tea, to hold open the roll while he puts the bacon in them, to fetch and hand him the things he needs. While if I have a job I just have to get on with it myself which I do!
His job is more stressful than mine so I do try to cut him some slack and make it easier for him but he won't look for a new job ( we can afford for him to take a pay cut) with less stress. He does have some issue with his health but he won't go to the doctor, it takes so much prodding and pushing to get him to go. His GP used to let patients spouses make appointments for them but now they say it has to be the patient themselves who call so it is even harder to get him to go now. He does have elderly parents who require more support now and that is fine but sometimes they are getting him round to do jobs just to see him which I totally get but it is an extra strain on him and one he feels he can't say no to, and once you are there his mum really hates to see any visitor go. However he also has brothers and sisters who are either often there or could do a bit more but it is up to him to discuss all this with his siblings and to have some boundaries with his parents if he feels it is too much for him.
He won't make a decision about what to watch, where to go, what to eat so I end up choosing and then if he doesn't like it he complains. I got a big bonus at work this year and wanted to take us on holiday but he kept putting me off and now it will be next year as he just wouldn't commit to anything. He wants to just lie on the sofa after work and at the weekend which I get but at least we could watch something interesting but he seems to just want to watch reruns of old comedy stuff and sport. He spends a lot more time watching TV than I do so he can watch this stuff is he wants when I am not there and I never complain about him watching sporting events that are very important to him.
I just feel so fed up with it at times like he is just sleepwalking though life and I am little more than his keeper as he doesn't show me much affection these days although I try to show it to him. Other times I do feel for him because his job is crap and stressful but only he can make a decision about that. I do love him, we still have a laugh but life also feels very flat these days. Things are worse since he got promoted at work a couple of years ago.
None of this is ruining out marriage, yet but I feel like it is the long term failure to resolve such issues that does end up ruining marriages and lives. We are getting older and I've had relatives die in their 40's and 50's and that slipping into middle aged apathy isn't a given and that we could still be enjoying our lives together.
Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed at him for all the above and for thinking this is a problem that needs fixing?