AIBU to hate daughters useless grandparents???

[plantingacattree]

AIBU to feel so utterly pissed off about the lack of care from my in laws towards their one and ONLY grandchild??
Backstory - back in 2018 I had my daughter. She's now nearly 5.
We had her young, but my partners mother and step father were more than happy for us, supportive of us and couldn't wait to tell everybody that they were going to be grandparents. We lived with them at the time, so they couldn't really not be involved I guess. They wanted to buy her everything leaving us actually not having purchased hardly a thing for our daughter when she was born, as they'd already done it all. I was grateful.. but it meant I missed out on a huge part of having my first child.
As soon as she arrived, they wanted to take her places and show her off to people.. but they would never correct others if they assumed she was their daughter, not granddaughter.
We moved out when our daughter was 1.5 and that's pretty much where it stopped.
The contact has gradually dwindled over the last few years, to the point where they just never contact now. And trust me, we have tried.
I for one dislike them considerably. So does my partner , for many reasons related and unrelated.
I don't care if they don't bother with us, neither does my partner now, we have both given up on them. But AIBU to be so angered by the fact that they just don't seem to care about their granddaughter??
She's due to start school in a couple of weeks... and they've not asked after her at all. Not seen them once in the 6 weeks holidays. It is upsetting!

YABU

Get over it.

@threecupsofteaminimum have some compassion

@Gnomegnomegnome thank you for this. I think it will eventually end up NC with them. I did it with my own mother, I think my partner just needs to work up the courage to do it with his

I never had grandparents and neither does my son.

Let's not start top trumps here. You won't win.

Compassion is not what you asked for. You're on AIBU and in my opinion you are, you have a lot more in your life than a lot of people and you're on here whining about what to don't have. Grow up and be thankful for what you do have.

I get this. My dad was a wonderful grandad to my 10yr old but he died when she was 7. DH's dad is awful. He was interested for the first couple of years then fell out with DH's siblings and it ended up with us not seeing him. DH tried but we always had to take her to the pub he was in. She just wanted to go round and spend time with him and his dog. He hasn't even ever seen his other grandkids so at least she got to spend some time with him. Luckily Dmil husband is a lovely grandad to her as well but it's such a shame. He brought it all on himself though

@threecupsofteaminimum so because I have more in terms of family than others, I should shut up and keep my feelings to myself when it comes to my daughter missing out?
It may not seem like a big deal to you if you grew up without grandparents... but I did grow up with them, and I know what my daughter is therefore missing out on.

Yo can't 'miss out' on what you never knew.

I agree

Look maybe I was a bit harsh, I am sorry if I was. @plantingacattree just make the best life you can for you, your little girl and your partner. You have to remember you are a little family now in your own right and your daughter will lead by your example on how to treat people so let the gobshites go and just concentrate on those who love and respect you. You call the shots now.

This is a sad read OP, I'm sorry you've not had stable parent-figures in your life. That must be really tough. And some people on this thread have been quite aggressive, try to let that wash over you.

Agree with previous posters re arranging counselling for each of you. There are charities offering free or low-cost counselling, you don't need to go through your GP.

Also what jumped out at me is how important it is to make your own extended 'family'. Friends, neighbours, school contacts etc. I do think with kids it takes a village, and you sound like a lovely person, so I'm sure you can easily create that village for your family.

Good luck to your daughter starting school!

@Bandyarsia I didn't find you too harsh, I think you make some good points. I will take it on board. Thank you

@CarbsAreNotMyFriend Thank you for being so kind, I appreciate it. I've taken everybody's opinions on board and will be looking into ways me and my partner can heal from our upbringings.
I agree, it does take a village, and I look forward to being able to build one.

OP, from what you say it sounds like they cannot be what you say your daughter is missing out on. It won’t be as it was with your grandparents, to start with they are just not the same people?

You are also unlikely to be able to foster space for a relationship with your daughter & them anyway, as you & husband still have things to work through in that relationship.

Its sad, but you know what’s fixable and what isn’t.

Your relationship with your in-laws broke down before you left their home. I suspect they were very pissed off at the lack of appreciation you showed for the enormous level of support they gave you when you first had your child. Alternatively they could simply be encouraging you to stand on your own two feet now that the initial crisis is over. If the attitude of you and partner towards them is truly what you have expressed I am not surprised that they want nothing to do with you. And they can’t have a significant relationship with the child if they don’t have one with you and their son.