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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If someone in a relationship is showing some sort of interest…

59 replies

NoOnePutARingOnIt · 20/08/2023 15:43

Can you go ahead - is it really wrong if he wants out of his current?

This guy from work seems somewhat interested - always finding reasons to talk to me, get my number etc. I’m the only one he does this to, everyone else he keeps it short and brief. I think there’s mutual attraction. Maybe he’s not happy with his current partner and is looking for an out. If a guy seems like he wants an out is it still BU?

I need to know because I really don’t want to be the source of drama. This isn’t usually me but at the same time I’m realising that not all relationships begin with a fairytale and sometimes people realise that they’re with the wrong person and meet someone who suits them better down the line.

I don’t know how unreasonable I am being at this time and I’m not sure there’s anyone I can discuss this with in my personal life. I don’t have very close female friends. His looks, height, education, career, humour, personality - all my complete type Confused

Can someone please tell me what to do before I embarrass myself in real life. I feel embarrassed even asking this tbh.

OP posts:
britnay · 20/08/2023 15:46

FFS, wait until he is single

yellowsmileyface · 20/08/2023 15:50

You leave it alone.

If he really wants out of his current relationship, he should do the mature and respectful thing and end it.

If he pursued something with you before ending his current relationship, you can count on him doing the same to you.

Merapi · 20/08/2023 15:50

This guy from work - is he senior to you?

This could turn out badly for you, not only could you have a fling with him that doesn't work out, you will ruin your reputation at work and you might end up having to leave your job. Nobody ever kept an office fling secret by the way. People have probably already noticed you fluttering your eyelashes at each other.

Make sure it's worth it.

LoobyDop · 20/08/2023 15:51

You know the answer to this.

Itsfifteen · 20/08/2023 15:52

Don't you think you deserve a whole partner and relationship? Why settle for the % he can give you while still in a relationship? If he tells you he wants to be with you tell him you feel the same and you will be there when he's single.

HarrietJet · 20/08/2023 15:52

How many threads are you going to start on this, op? đŸ™„. Leave him alone, ffs.
In your last thread he was married...

CarriePT · 20/08/2023 15:54

Oh come on. You know the answer to this.

And actually there's a really decent chance he's after a side piece with no intention of leaving his wife so don't give him a green light to have his cake and eat it.
Just tell him if he ever finds himself single he can give you a call.
Stop the texting now, or you're going down a very slippery slope.

TeeBee · 20/08/2023 15:55

If he makes an obvious move say 'are you single?' If he says yes then reply 'sorry, I don't go out with attached men'. Then the ball is in his court. Going out with attached people just creates upset and drama all round.

WunWun · 20/08/2023 15:55

Oh don't be so fucking stupid.

QuintessentiallyScottish · 20/08/2023 15:56

Can you go ahead - is it really wrong if he wants out of his current?

Men rarely leave a relationship unless they have someone else to move in with onto.

If he's really serious about a relationship with you and is a decent person he will end his current relationship before starting anything with you.

He may well have a relationship with you and not end his current one. How will you feel about that six months in?

If he does it with you he'll do it to you. How will you feel about that when you're wondering where he is and who he's with and what they're doing? When you're going out of your mind looking for evidence while desperately hoping it won't be true.

How will you feel about it when you're not the other woman?

KajsaKavat · 20/08/2023 16:00

Maybe an out but more likely just some sex…

Original poster
NoOnePutARingOnIt · 20/08/2023 16:01

@Merapi No, not senior to me. Also different departments but same workplace Confused if that makes a difference

OP posts:
HarrietJet · 20/08/2023 16:02

NoOnePutARingOnIt · 20/08/2023 16:01

@Merapi No, not senior to me. Also different departments but same workplace Confused if that makes a difference

It makes zero difference. He's married.

Merapi · 20/08/2023 16:03

NoOnePutARingOnIt · 20/08/2023 16:01

@Merapi No, not senior to me. Also different departments but same workplace Confused if that makes a difference

Well at least everyone won't be saying you're only shagging him to get a promotion then.

JMSA · 20/08/2023 16:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

WunWun · 20/08/2023 16:04

NoOnePutARingOnIt · 20/08/2023 16:01

@Merapi No, not senior to me. Also different departments but same workplace Confused if that makes a difference

Why would the department he works in make a difference to how shitty a person you are if you were to do this?

Stop trying to make up weird justification for your potential awful behaviour

Original poster
NoOnePutARingOnIt · 20/08/2023 16:08

Some people are being very harsh on me, I haven’t even done anything. He’s the one who keeps talking to me and going out of his way to be around me

OP posts:
WunWun · 20/08/2023 16:10

NoOnePutARingOnIt · 20/08/2023 16:08

Some people are being very harsh on me, I haven’t even done anything. He’s the one who keeps talking to me and going out of his way to be around me

The fact that you're even considering it is pretty disgusting. Obviously he's a piece of shit, but just because he is doesn't mean you have to join in does it? And you're the one asking.

Did you expect people to tell you it was fine? How stupid.

Itsfifteen · 20/08/2023 16:11

NoOnePutARingOnIt · 20/08/2023 16:08

Some people are being very harsh on me, I haven’t even done anything. He’s the one who keeps talking to me and going out of his way to be around me

You're seeing firsthand how he will be acting behind your back when you're in a relationship with him. You need to find a way to tell yourself you deserve better.

Pumpkindoodles · 20/08/2023 16:13

You know you’re BU, you’re just hoping someone says you’re not. There’s no way you really needed to ask this question
he may well be unhappy in his relationship, but then he can leave it and then date you can’t he? He doesn’t need you to save him from the current situation.

if you got together, and he was ever unhappy with you, how would you feel about him scoping out the next one before talking to you?

Mammma91 · 20/08/2023 16:15

You will ruin your own reputation, possibly a marriage and he could be lying about being unhappy.

QuintessentiallyScottish · 20/08/2023 16:22

NoOnePutARingOnIt · 20/08/2023 16:08

Some people are being very harsh on me, I haven’t even done anything. He’s the one who keeps talking to me and going out of his way to be around me

You may not have done anything but why did you start the thread? For us to give you a free pass? So you'd feel justified in being this man's bit of fanny?

Does it seem harsh because you're not getting the answers you were hoping for?

Or are you wanting advice about how to deal with a sex pest at work?

LaBorde · 20/08/2023 16:41

My but reaction was YABU, and it still is, but not because of the reasons lots are posting.

He might just be someone who is friendly and I think you are reading FAR to much into it, and building something up in your head - which might just end up with you making a fool of yourself.

FrigginFrig · 20/08/2023 16:43

Do it, you'll lose him how you got him.

Bigtoeslittletoes · 20/08/2023 16:44

best Outcome?

he leaves his partner and pursues something with you. It works out. Would you trust him not to do same with others.

If he splits with his current partner then yup…..

but at the moment he’s testing the water isn’t he? Or maybe he just likes you as a friend.