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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be so upset about rude service

54 replies

Usedandhurt · 20/08/2023 10:05

I am prepared to be told I'm being over-sensitive and should catch a massive grip of myself but I have had an interaction with a person that has greatly upset me.

Myself and my family order takeout once per month (money is tight so its a luxury). I normally order online however last night the transaction did not appear to be going through. I called the pizza place, gave my details and asked if the order had arrived. Person on the other end of the phone was quite abrasive, said no etc so I said I would call back in a few minutes to check again. I did that, still no order there from me (oddly this person gave me the address of another order and also name of a further order - neither of which were mine). I said "ok it must not have gone through then" and proceeded to place my order with this person over the phone, sizable price - 2 adults x 2 hungry teenagers. All good.

Approximately 30 mins later I get a call asking why I hadn't collected my order. I explained that the order was for delivery to be told, no your other order has come through. I explained that I was a the person who had called earlier ,the order hadn't gone through (transaction still pending on my bank app) to be met with a torrent of abuse about how there was now two orders - we had ordered twice, this was "your fault but we will have to sort it at our end of course". This person went on to say that I had placed an order online for collection under the name "Smith" and that it was totally my fault. I tried to explain that it definitely wasn't me - my surname is middle eastern so definitely not smith and our car is out of action at the minute so definitely not collection . The person told me they had "had had enough tonight" and hung the call up. I called back and challenged them on their rudeness- told again all my fault - again hung up the phone. I tried to call back again as I was so incensed at this stage - no response. Strangely the food arrived at my front door within a few minutes of this call. Lovely delivery person, couldn't have been more polite.

My husband called the restaurant (another person answered the phone at that time) and asked for a manager to come to the phone or call back as he was making a complaint about the rude staff member. Still no call back a day later. He has now left a really bad review which is a rare occurrence as we are normally not the sort of people to complain, never mind leave reviews/make it public. My question is why am I so upset about it - it was a rude person who is clearly not right for that job so why has it upset me for the last few days. I'm a senior person in my job and I manage a team of over 20 people. I deal with conflict on a daily basis and it does not bother me one iota! - I am seen as calm, can usually resolve any major issues without much trouble or upset but in this instance I'm so upset. What is wrong with me?!!

OP posts:
Passthesickbagmabel · 20/08/2023 10:15

Like you said a takeaway is a treat for your family so means more than if you could afford one everyday. The person who was rude was obviously having a bad day and you were the unlucky person who had a problem and needed help. They obviously weren't coping . I was used to working in a very stressful environment but was very upset for days when a tradesman was rude to me in my own home. I think it was more personal than a client being abusive. You have done nothing wrong and sound very reasonable. I hope you do get to speak to the manager of the business. Enjoy the next takeaway

Usedandhurt · 20/08/2023 12:20

oass that’s exactly right - it’s a time for everyone to catch up so it’s means something-we Ser money aside for it. I would prefer that a bad review hadnt been left but my dh was so angry - unusual for him- that he went ahead and left it. I will call back today to try to speak to the manager. Why do people have to be so rude?!

OP posts:
softsweets · 20/08/2023 12:27

You're being 'over sensitive and need to get a massive grip of yourself'! ... in the nicest possible way 🤣

It sounds like whoever you spoke to was already at the end of their tether. Unless you're out of pocket, don't phone today and demand to speak to the manager ... you've already publicly expressed your dismay.

It sounds like the sort of thing that eats away at me when I'm hormonal and my children have to stage an intervention to prevent me from acting until I'm less erratic!!

IrritableVowel · 20/08/2023 12:29

I had something similar-ish happen a few weeks back, and I posted here too because I couldn't really work out my own reaction... like why was I so annoyed by someone just being rude about something that was, in reality, not that big a deal

I think it boiled down to I felt it was so... unfair.

Oh and nobody replied to my thread 😂😂😂

chicjen · 20/08/2023 12:31

Hey OP.
This sounds like a bit of an unfortunate combination of things.
You were all hungry and wanting fed- which is completely understandable.
You tried to order and kept coming up against an error.
The takeaway was a treat so money set aside, so possibly some worry that it may take the money twice or more if transaction did then go through.
You then had the grumpiness of the employee and the confusion of the order muddle that was outwith your control.

Meanwhile the employee has clearly had a hellish day for reasons unknown to you. They've taken all their frustration and anger and basically flung it all at you in a big ball of confrontation. You have had it flung at you while you're lacking energy resources yourself and have your own frustration going on too so it's escalated into something bigger than it maybe needed to be.
Add to that the manager hasn't been in contact, I can see why your husband left a bad review.
It is possible the manager on duty may be different today so maybe the message to call you hasn't been passed on, or perhaps they don't open until later in the day.
Either way get back in touch and remain calm and clear, and it might help if you have an idea in mind of how you would like the situation resolved.
Best of luck with it all, I don't think you or your husband were unreasonable at all in your reactions at the time given the variables involved.

chicjen · 20/08/2023 12:32

IrritableVowel · 20/08/2023 12:29

I had something similar-ish happen a few weeks back, and I posted here too because I couldn't really work out my own reaction... like why was I so annoyed by someone just being rude about something that was, in reality, not that big a deal

I think it boiled down to I felt it was so... unfair.

Oh and nobody replied to my thread 😂😂😂

Sorry nobody replied to your thread. I don't think I saw it but I hope you're feeling a bit better now.

IrritableVowel · 20/08/2023 12:35

chicjen · 20/08/2023 12:32

Sorry nobody replied to your thread. I don't think I saw it but I hope you're feeling a bit better now.

Ah thanks, totally over it now.
It stung at the time though (the incident, not my thread going unanswered)

Usedandhurt · 20/08/2023 12:36

softsweets · 20/08/2023 12:27

You're being 'over sensitive and need to get a massive grip of yourself'! ... in the nicest possible way 🤣

It sounds like whoever you spoke to was already at the end of their tether. Unless you're out of pocket, don't phone today and demand to speak to the manager ... you've already publicly expressed your dismay.

It sounds like the sort of thing that eats away at me when I'm hormonal and my children have to stage an intervention to prevent me from acting until I'm less erratic!!

Honestly I’d normally put it down to hormones or over work but not this week - I’d actually had a few days off so this takeaway was to round off a nice week.

OP posts:
chicjen · 20/08/2023 12:37

@IrritableVowel I'm glad you're feeling happier now. Sometimes even just taking the time to sit and type it out helps a bit too. Hope you're having a lovely weekend.

Usedandhurt · 20/08/2023 12:37

IrritableVowel · 20/08/2023 12:29

I had something similar-ish happen a few weeks back, and I posted here too because I couldn't really work out my own reaction... like why was I so annoyed by someone just being rude about something that was, in reality, not that big a deal

I think it boiled down to I felt it was so... unfair.

Oh and nobody replied to my thread 😂😂😂

I know exactly what you mean- it’s just so needless and nasty! In your case no one replying to your post just makes it worse!! Sorry that happened to you

OP posts:
IrritableVowel · 20/08/2023 12:42

Thanks!

I've absolutely recovered from the injustice by now.

It made me realise I have little to really worry about!

Usedandhurt · 20/08/2023 12:43

Absolutely- we were starved - however I’m always super careful regarding any interactions I have with anyone in a service time - I worked one myself whilst in university and some people treated me abominably. I will definitely call back today. Apart from anything else this is a small local business which I tried to support - this person honestly has put me completely off and they need to know. My DH has suggested that he go in person today to the manager which I’ve stopped - he is normally do mild mannered but this person was so so aggressive

OP posts:
IrritableVowel · 20/08/2023 13:01

My DH did speak to them, the next time he went in to collect food. In my case the usual staff member was on holidays when this happened. She was back when DH went in and he told her about it. She was very apologetic (wasn't her fault of course, but nice that someone took ownership of it).

Anyway apparently there had been a few cock ups while she was away, so we weren't the only people saying it to her.

I hope she didn't get anyone being too nasty to her though. People in take aways get enough grief.

Usedandhurt · 20/08/2023 13:33

IrritableVowel · 20/08/2023 13:01

My DH did speak to them, the next time he went in to collect food. In my case the usual staff member was on holidays when this happened. She was back when DH went in and he told her about it. She was very apologetic (wasn't her fault of course, but nice that someone took ownership of it).

Anyway apparently there had been a few cock ups while she was away, so we weren't the only people saying it to her.

I hope she didn't get anyone being too nasty to her though. People in take aways get enough grief.

Its lovely that you got the apology. I somehow dont think I will - as mentioned its a small business and therefore I think find it quite difficult to retain staff, many of whom seem to stay for a while then pop up in other fast food outlets close by who seem to be larger and ergo possibly able to pay more. Sorry to say that we will be giving our custom to these very businesses going forward. Really though I should be just able to shrug it off as an ignorant person and let it go. I think it was more the fact that it was ignored, manager didnt get back to me - my DH wonders if the other person who answered the phone didnt tell the manager and he and the nasty person work alongside one another. I was afraid that my DH leaving a review such as he did might mean the loss of that person's job which I definitely do not want, though DH says he doubts whether that is the job they should be doing if they are so aggressive (he too deals with alot of conflict in his job). Lesson learned, dont go back and dont recommend. Such a pity as we had planned to ask them to provide food for an event coming up in a youth club my dh is on the management of - so not only our business then have now lost. Tell me am I the only person who notices how bad it is customer service wise recently, since Covid no one seems to care anymore.

OP posts:
Usedandhurt · 20/08/2023 17:27

Update!! I called the manager - he apologised for not calling but said that they had a terrible night last night as the rude person who was answering the phone had walked out mid shift without telling anyone. He said he arrived in to find 6 people waiting around to be served and the phone ringing off the hook. One of the chefs told him he heard this person arguing with a customer - most likely me - and then just left.

I told him that I understood that anyone could have a bad day but that was business losing behaviour. aggressive, nasty and embarrassing. Apparently this person is a no show tonight again so he’s struggling. This person sounds like they’ve completely lost it whatever is going on 🤦‍♀️.

OP posts:
chicjen · 20/08/2023 17:50

@Usedandhurt it does sound like the member of staff is struggling with something themselves but walking out and then just not turning up isn't the answer and won't help them in the long run.
It also sounds like a really rough time for the remaining staff and like you say, it explains why the manager couldn't respond to you last night.
I'm not sure they should've told you about the person not turning up today etc, that doesn't seem like information a customer needs.
I think you've been really fair and I'm glad you spoke to the manager.

Oblomov23 · 20/08/2023 18:02

No. I don't think op is over sensitive at all. The person was rude.

Usedandhurt · 20/08/2023 18:28

chicjen · 20/08/2023 17:50

@Usedandhurt it does sound like the member of staff is struggling with something themselves but walking out and then just not turning up isn't the answer and won't help them in the long run.
It also sounds like a really rough time for the remaining staff and like you say, it explains why the manager couldn't respond to you last night.
I'm not sure they should've told you about the person not turning up today etc, that doesn't seem like information a customer needs.
I think you've been really fair and I'm glad you spoke to the manager.

It’s awful as - as you say- they are clearly struggling with something. I don’t think the manager is surprised at the behaviour however as he alluded to it not being a shock to him to hear about the nasty attitude. There is a cost of living crisis- a friends son has lost his part time job because the business isnt doing so well- businesses are shedding staff it seems. I’d hate to think this person would lose their job.they could well be having some sort of mental crisis because the aggression level was way off the charts! You can’t just walk out of work though - leave front reception/till etc unmanned. 🤦‍♀️

I was chatting to my neighbour who confirmed she has stopped using this takeout as she found this staff member awful to deal with. DD wants to tag them on social media which I have absolutely refused to allow!

OP posts:
Usedandhurt · 20/08/2023 18:30

Honestly it was beyond rude- this person was RAGING. Clearly not thinking straight either as they have seriously risked their job. Sad really

OP posts:
Usedandhurt · 20/08/2023 18:37

**DD wanted to tag the business not the person. Gd these things can escalate quickly

OP posts:
IrritableVowel · 21/08/2023 06:52

Glad you got speaking to the manager and got some sort of resolution. Sounds like he has had a couple of tough shifts over the weekend to deal with the fallout of the staff member, firstly causing problems and, secondly, disappearing mid-shift.

Sounds like that person is having a tough time too, so hopefully she is OK.

rookiemere · 21/08/2023 07:34

I get disproportionately annoyed when something like that happens.

I think it's because I try to be a nice person even when sometimes that is difficult, and if a takeaway is intended as a treat then someone being rude to you about it completely spoils it.

I don't really care what is going on in the servers life, not how little they are making, if I am polite and follow the instructions then I expect the person on the other end of the phone to be as well.

LoveThisUsername · 21/08/2023 07:54

Usedandhurt · 20/08/2023 12:43

Absolutely- we were starved - however I’m always super careful regarding any interactions I have with anyone in a service time - I worked one myself whilst in university and some people treated me abominably. I will definitely call back today. Apart from anything else this is a small local business which I tried to support - this person honestly has put me completely off and they need to know. My DH has suggested that he go in person today to the manager which I’ve stopped - he is normally do mild mannered but this person was so so aggressive

I really wouldn't. They aren't gonna give a toss, you'll only embarrass yourselves.

Clarinet1 · 21/08/2023 08:17

Well, in a customer-facing role (and I’ve worked in retail and catering) there is just no excuse for being unpleasant or rude to the customers. If this particular person was having some kind of MH crisis perhaps he shouldn’t have been there at all (although I realise that would probably have made the service even worse).
Your chat when the manager called provided some explanation and apology which is something but, as you say, they’ve lost future business. I’d say something like a refund or next order free would have been in order!

Sayitaintso33 · 21/08/2023 12:05

'They had had enough tonight' - and you thought what was needed was to make their night even worse. Great work.

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