Name "drama" — would this offend you?

[TheBadNameClub]

I've always hated my first name and have opted to be known by my surname since I was a teen. It's a surname that sounds like a first name.

There's a new transfer in my department at work. A few days ago, the new transfer found out that the name I go by is not actually my first name.

Her: Oh that's interesting. Why don't you go by first name?
Me: Oh I really hate first name, been going by last name since I was a teen.
Her: That (referring to my first name) is my daughter's name.

She's been cold to me since then! We usually have a long chat in the pantry in the morning before work but she now leaves when I enter. She's also less friendly (still professional though) than before. I wouldn't have said anything if I'd known her daughter has the same name as me but what's done is done. Would what I said really offend you?

YABU — This would offend me
YANBU — I wouldn't be offended

It is quite literally your own name which you dislike. It’s not like you’ve pointedly said you hate her choice for her newborn’s name. You had no idea about her child’s name and she asked you. If she’s offended by that complete coincidence then she’s an idiot.

I'm not sure what she expected when she brought it up? Surely if someone chooses to go by a different name, it's pretty obvious they don't like the original much!

My eldest daughters name is a bit marmite and I've had people literally laugh in my face when I've mentioned it but I don't care, I really hate cutesy names and hyphenated names but each to their own!

Assuming you hadn't known before and it was my kids name I'd laugh and brush it off.

Ah, OK. So it wasn’t like she found out from someone else your first name is actually e.g. Felicity, then manufactured the conversation. Instead it genuinely came as a surprise to her that your name was Felicity, the same as her DD, which is admittedly a bit of an awkward moment.

But even so, it’s just one of those things to laugh off, isn’t it? If I found that out I’d be more like ‘That’s my daughter’s name - how funny! Hope she doesn’t hate it too when she’s grown up! Aren’t names a strange thing…’ and moved the conversation on, making it clear I wasn’t offended. In that scenario I’d basically be quickly thinking to myself ‘Oh shit, that’s my DD’s name and I’ll have to mention it right now or it’ll be weird when she finds out but I don’t want her to think I’m upset she says she hates it’.

She sounds overly sensitive if you’ve inadvertently offended her through no fault of your own, so I’d just be relentlessly cheerful and ignore her huff, but keep a wary eye on her in case her sensitivity leads to other issues later on.

You're not alone! She's dreadful 😂

She's an idiot. Some people love being offended 🙄
Desperate to know what the name is 😂

But you didn't say it was an awful name you just said you didn't like it. I think she overreacting just a tad.

Yes. I have also learned this.

Honestly just say to her:
I understand that it's your daughters name.
I grew up with the name and don’t like it for myself. Are you really going to take offence?
I am a whole separate person to your daughter. Reacting towards me like this is silly and very unprofessional. If you have a problem, feel free to raise it. It is not my name, your behaviour towards me is unreasonable. My name is xx, are we going to have a problem?

Is she an adult.? We don't all like the same things..... I'd try to accept her petulance and move on. Likelihood is her child will hate the name too at some point.

It’s actually quite a funny “put your foot in it” moment. She’s being silly petulant is a good word. Think you just need to stop fretting about her and accept you are never going to be friends!

Absolutely this, she set you up to fail and didn’t like what she got.

And shock horror, we don’t all
like the same names, good job really or we would all be called Janet and John!

So am I, but of course it would be totally outing so we can’t! And if it’s my daughters name, then I’ll flounce! 😂

She's an idiot, taking on as if you'd said you hated her daughter, or were having a go at her for choosing that name. If it meant anything, you've had the name longer than her child has! 🙄

I sympathise, btw. I also hated my given name and changed it by deed poll in my 20s. My mum was a bit sad - as she said, she took a long time to choose it! - but acknowledged that it was my name and I could do what I liked.

She sounds like she's being a bit ridiculous but for the sake of harmony I'd try to clear the air and address it. If she continues to give you the swerve, just continue professionally.

@Truemilk 🤣🤣🤣

I can see why he’s an ex!

Is she a bit awkward? Could she be thinking she’s upset you?

Given the dramas some people get into over naming their children (we see naming threads here all the time) i can well imagine that some people would be mortally offended if someone down the line said they don't like the name. No matter how they say it.

I'd just chalk it down as one of those things. As long as work is ok, and she's not somehow sabotaging you, you just need to take it on the chin and regard it as a "her problem".

I wouldn't be offended but she clearly is. Not much you can do. Just follow her lead and be professional and courteous and don't try to have anything more than that.

I would have found that hysterically funny and laughed when you said that. I'm hard to offend though.

I would have found it hilarious tbh

If it were my child’s name I would have said something like “fair enough, but I think it’s a lovely name!” And moved on

She's a knobber.