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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Name "drama" — would this offend you?

99 replies

TheBadNameClub · 20/08/2023 00:32

I've always hated my first name and have opted to be known by my surname since I was a teen. It's a surname that sounds like a first name.

There's a new transfer in my department at work. A few days ago, the new transfer found out that the name I go by is not actually my first name.

Her: Oh that's interesting. Why don't you go by first name?
Me: Oh I really hate first name, been going by last name since I was a teen.
Her: That (referring to my first name) is my daughter's name.

She's been cold to me since then! We usually have a long chat in the pantry in the morning before work but she now leaves when I enter. She's also less friendly (still professional though) than before. I wouldn't have said anything if I'd known her daughter has the same name as me but what's done is done. Would what I said really offend you?

YABU — This would offend me
YANBU — I wouldn't be offended

OP posts:
donthaveaname · 20/08/2023 08:27

TheBadNameClub · 20/08/2023 08:22

No it’s the sudden change in behaviour. We’re both early birds and so spend quite a bit of time in the pantry in the mornings. Usually we’ll chat, have our coffees and sandwiches, but after that convo about names her whole demeanour towards me changed.

Show quote history

Could you just ask her outright???

“Are you upset with me because i don’t like my own name?”

It sounds like you had a nice relationship before this conversation…throw the ball back into her court and see where it leads you

FlamingYam · 20/08/2023 08:28

Thanks, sorry if it felt invasive but I had visions of your Microsoft name confusing people, like how some had it surname first and if you have a first name as a surname it can cause confusion. Or having it duplicated.

Either way, it's still in her. She needs to grow up.

yogasaurus · 20/08/2023 08:30

Yanbu, she’s a moron if that’s why she’s acting this way.

really want to know what the name is now

panko · 20/08/2023 08:30

TheBadNameClub · 20/08/2023 08:22

No it’s the sudden change in behaviour. We’re both early birds and so spend quite a bit of time in the pantry in the mornings. Usually we’ll chat, have our coffees and sandwiches, but after that convo about names her whole demeanour towards me changed.

Show quote history

I'd leave it but be mindful, as pp said it could get to the stage where its bullying

Clymene · 20/08/2023 08:34

Manufactured outrage is exactly what it is.

I would continue to be relentlessly cheerful and friendly and just make out you haven't noticed what a weirdo she's being

rollonretirementfgs · 20/08/2023 08:36

Not your problem, you're entitled to not like a name, especially if it's YOUR name! She needs to get over it!

rainbowstardrops · 20/08/2023 08:39

I had something similar with a work colleague. My DS has a relatively popular name but instead of the English spelling, he's got the traditional spelling. Colleague knew this and when she came across another person with the traditional spelling, she delighted in telling me she hates that spelling of the name.
I just shrugged and said it's a good job we're all different and just thought what a dozy mare she was.
Her children have all got really boring traditional names and I wouldn't dream of commenting on hers.
So I'd either ask her what's wrong, or just shrug it off like I did!

MsRosley · 20/08/2023 08:42

Imagine sulking because someone inadvertently dissed your daughter's name. People are insane.

Original poster
TheBadNameClub · 20/08/2023 08:42

FlamingYam · 20/08/2023 08:28

Thanks, sorry if it felt invasive but I had visions of your Microsoft name confusing people, like how some had it surname first and if you have a first name as a surname it can cause confusion. Or having it duplicated.

Either way, it's still in her. She needs to grow up.

Our system is just ridiculously confusing and no one likes it! Some names are popular and if for example I want to speak to one of the many Yams, I'd have to guess if their email address is yam@company, yamf@company, yamr@company, or yamlastname@company. To make matters worse, not everyone puts their full name in the "name" section so half of the Yams are just Yam on there. Angry

OP posts:
Sugargliderwombat · 20/08/2023 08:43

How come you didn't know her child's name if you see her so much?

I think it's weird for her to ask about your name without mentioning her daughters name, almost like letting you walk into a trap haha.

x2boys · 20/08/2023 08:45

Your entitled not to.like your own name ,even if she loves it which I guess she must if its her daughters name
Personal choice isnt it.

pizzaHeart · 20/08/2023 08:46

I count myself as a very thin skinned but even for me it would be non issue. You commented about your own name, why on earth she took it personally???
Tbh her reply was really bizarre, she could have said : oh I really like this name myself, I chose this for my daughter. Instead her answer was like she’s blaming you for something,
I’m not sure about mentioning it to her again. Only if you really like her as a person in other aspects and want to be friends.

FutureThroughLensOfThePast · 20/08/2023 08:47

If you're discussing your feelings about a name, it's more tactful to say 'I don't think <name> suits me [or whoever]' than that you 'hate' it.

parrotonthesofa · 20/08/2023 08:49

*dying to know what the name is...

DinnaeFashYersel · 20/08/2023 08:50

She's being silly.

Original poster
TheBadNameClub · 20/08/2023 08:51

FutureThroughLensOfThePast · 20/08/2023 08:47

If you're discussing your feelings about a name, it's more tactful to say 'I don't think <name> suits me [or whoever]' than that you 'hate' it.

Yeah, will be doing this in the future.

OP posts:
romdowa · 20/08/2023 08:51

RitzyMcFitzy · 20/08/2023 01:41

I've just remembered that I know someone who had the same first name as me but changed it to something else by deed poll as she disliked it so much. Wouldn't have occurred to me to take personal offence.

I dislike my own name and I know several with the same name who go by nicknames/ different versions of the name and personally I applaud them. I was never brave enough to do it and I think now it would just be weird

1983Louise · 20/08/2023 08:53

I read it as you were think of using Drama as a name 😂 I was relieved to read that obviously not your question. I've not had my morning coffee yet 🙈

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 20/08/2023 08:55

She’s being an idiot.

If you’d gone off on a rant about stupid parents calling their children ridiculous names whilst knowing that was her DDs name she’d have a point being offended.

Lots of people hate their names. I changed mine. Being huffy in a work setting because you dislike a name she likes is just ridiculous

ThePelicansBriefs · 20/08/2023 08:59

Your allowed your own opinion about a name. Otherwise, no-one would ever be allowed to discuss names in case it offended anyone. If her daughter hadn't been named xxx then maybe she'd still know someone else by that name!

It's not like she said "my daughters name is xxx" and you said oh I hate that name!

So she is being very unreasonable. In any case, she's the one who started the conversation topic which resulted to the unfortunate situation.

NoSquirrels · 20/08/2023 09:01

I’m with the people who think it was a bit of a trap and she might be a drama llama. How did she find out that you don’t use your first name? From you, or someone else? How did the conversation start, because you’ve only written it up from ‘Oh, that’s interesting’ - did she bring up the subject?

Presuming that she knew when she asked you about your name that her own daughter shared the name, and that she brought it up, she’s the one in the wrong. Instead of asking you why you don’t use it (to which the most common answer is clearly going to be because you don’t much like it) she should have said ‘Oh, that’s interesting- my daughter’s name is X!’

Why did she transfer, d’you know?

Lostinplaces · 20/08/2023 09:08

I wouldn’t give two shits. No one has to like the same things that someone else does. What will she do if she finds out you don’t like the same food/colour/music etc as her? Go to HR and complain?

charabang · 20/08/2023 09:18

If you want say you hate your own name you can. And I wouldn't be trying to smooth anything over either. This is her problem.

Sapphire387 · 20/08/2023 09:24

Your feelings about your own name are entirely irrelevant to what she chose to call her daughter. YANBU. She is being very sensitive over this.

VoldemortsSockCollection · 20/08/2023 09:25

I've upset people in a similar way, but it's my son's name! I can't stand it. Exh chose it, and due to the nature of the (abusive) relationship at the time, I just went along with it. I never refer to my boy by that name!