Not letting DD pick what she wants at food shopping?

[DariaK]

DD will only eat home cooked meals, veggies, etc. if she can add that bloody Nando's garlic and herb sauce. It's the mild dipping sauce, comes in a glass bottle.

I'm happy to buy one bottle per food shop but it's not lasting her, she has shit loads with one meal. I'd need to buy about 3 bottles I reckon. If we run out or don't have it, she literally won't eat the meals at all and will have toast or cereal.

AIBU to not buy it?

Steamed fresh veg is amazing. No sauce required FYI

If you can afford I'd just go with it. Maybe make a running joke out of it. Do you want some main meal with your sauce. When she's done well on her school report buy her 3 bottles of it. Emptied the dishwasher every day for a whole month give a bulk pack from Costco. I wouldn't tell her she's getting it as a reward though, I'd just give it to her every time she does something good.

You could also put it on her plate at every meal before she does it herself!

If she really does love it I'm sure she will get sick of it eventually.

My DD loved ketchup. I noticed the more we made a fuss of how much she was having the more she wanted it. So we just used to give it to her, she wouldn't put even more oboe she knew she was allowed. We mostly didn't comment but sometimes jokingly said, when she'd put a lot on her plate, do you want some chips with your ketchup? Or 'I should take out shares in Heinz'.

I can't really remember how it happened but there was no stress from either side and now she hardly has ketchup but loves Heinz mayonnaise. Not to the same extent of the ketchup infatuation though.

I have a child with an eating disorder and they would rather starve sometimes than eat what is on the plate. We do not make a fuss about it, maybe ask if they need something. They now just make themselves something else. Usually a safe food.
Talk to her about the sauce and what it is she likes about it.
If this was one of my children I would just buy it if I am being honest. I wouldn't make comments about expense ect..unless I could not afford it then I would talk about what it is about the sauce they like and see if they would agree to try other options.

It sounds like she doesn't like your cooking and is the using the sauce as a way to make it appetising.

Could you try getting her involved in the cooking? Get her to find some recipes she'd like to try and make them together.

My teenage DS went through a phase of siracha sauce on a lot of things ditto sweet chilli sauce. Then he started cooking. His tacos, enchiladas are delicious as are his Thai dishes. His taste is for spicy dishes. Although he makes his own sushi now.

You might be right though as the question asked earlier about how it works when she eats out, if we are in a restaurant, she doesn't need it

What does she order in restaurants? Does it follow the same style you cook at home or does she go for different flavours and textures?

That's an insane amount of sauce, I can't believe people think this is OK or normal.

What about if you cook meals with vegetables in sauce instead. So chilli, curry, stir fry, a tray bake of chicken, peppers, onions and chorizo with a spice marinade, that sort of thing? Then they won't need artificial processed sauce pouring all over them.

I would say do it, but have conversations about the cost, and maybe other things have to be gone without as a natural consequence.

My son, who has now been diagnosed with autism at 21, smothers his food in sauces. Ketchup mainly, but his current fad is ho sin sauce. He says it evens out the differences in textures and makes everything the same to swallow.

If there's really nothing else going on (asd etc) and her weight is ok, I'd be tougher. These types of condiment are terrible for your teeth.

I'd sit her down and explain you'll be buying a fixed amount - a bottle a week/fortnight (but I'd be planning to slowly reduce it) and rationing out . She doesn't get to fill up on toast or cereal when it's gone.

Have a chat to her about what she likes food wise. Get her to help with cooking and explore some different foods - try some herbs/spices/chilli/garlic if she it looking for stronger flavours.

@Yellowlegobrick why is it bad for your teeth? I don't get what's in it that's so bad?

They're full of sugar. 30g per 500g bottle and OP's daughter gets through several bottles week.

500g per week? Way too much. You're the parent...you need to say no sometimes. She's 12, not 3. She hopefully would understand that she can't have everything her way. Definitely add more herbs and spices to your cooking, nothing worse than bland food.

What if the sauce was discontinued? What then?

Perhaps you could try making dishes that include lemon and herb / chilli flavours

or stirfrys

@cinnamonfrenchtoast 30g? Where have you got that from? It's 0.9g per 100g

As a first step I’d try to adapt what you currently cook. Add whole grain mustard and fresh parsley to mash; layer up your Mac n cheese with whole grain mustard in the cheese sauce, layers of fried onion and some crispy bacon bits on top; add a bit of paprika to your cheese sauce for some punch; with roasts chuck some unpeeled garlic in with the veggies to roast. You don’t need to completely overhaul what you cook but maybe adapt it for her tastes. Processed and takeout food is never bland so she may be trying to replicate that flavour hit by adding the Nando’s sauce.

I was really weird about food as a tween/young teen which in hindsight I think was a manifestation of anxiety. I think I’d probably not make an issue of it and look to bulk buy the sauces to save ££, while trying to get to the root of the problem. Given she just wants the same sauce I doubt it’s your cooking and think it’s probably more a control/anxiety type thing. How is she at school? Is she showing other signs of anxiety? If it’s too expensive, I think I’d go for a taste test/make a game to try out different dupes to see if she like a cheaper version (like in Eat Well for Less on BBC). But ultimately to look for causes rather than addressing symptoms (cutting the supply). Good luck - my mum was really kind to me and “pandered” to my fussiness, which I think kept me from a full blown eating disorder and let me grow out of it in my own time.

Is she involved in the cooking at all, op? If she has more involvement there, it might help. There are lots of ways of cooking eg chicken with lemon and herbs.

She's only been doing it for a while and doesnt do it when in restaurants so no need for the armchair psychology or to apply it to yourself

She'll grow out of it

No it's not

It's 0.3g per serving - a serving is 5g.
6.2g of sugar per 100g.
So over 30g per 500g bottle.

@cinnamonfrenchtoast that's not the lemon and herb sauce that's being spoken about

@Chevrotains it is!

It's exactly the same stuff.

Okay, now I'm confused because one bottle says one thing and another says another 😂

@cinnamonfrenchtoast well, look at every single website that isn't Amazon and all the supermarkets currently selling it and it's clearly got 0.9g per 100g in.

I have a bottle right here with me now and it says the same!

Yes I've just seen that.

But the product on Amazon is advertised as the same item as what's in Tesco etc.