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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you move in with grandparents up north to save £20k?

56 replies

Woolwichchicken · 19/08/2023 18:07

I am really in 2 minds and I don't know what to do.

I currently rent a 2 bed for £1.6k in London and there is barley anything left after bills. I early 2.3k after tax. My partner works part time and is going in to his last year of uni.

I am feeling so down that I probably won't be able to buy a house ever etc. I don't have family to give me money for a deposit and I don't qualify for a council house either.

My home town is up north and my work have an office in the town. My grandparents have offered for me to move in with them. I would be able to save 1.8k a month as I can walk across the whole town, so won't need public transport. And I would have no bills (they have insisted).

I could even save more than that but I was factoring trains to London to see my partner and friends.

I have a daughter going in to year 1, and her dad could drive up each weekend, and then we could go to London too. So she would still see him regularly. My grandparents said they would do the school run (if she got into the school that is on their street) which would save £70 per week in wrap around care. But my jobs is also flexible so I could do half the week.

We were thinking after the year he could move up north or atleast we would have a good amount towards a deposit (obviously it would be my money and I would get this noted in the deeds, or however it is done.)

Would you move up for the year to save the money?
YABU - I would not
YANBU - I would do it

OP posts:
HollyGolightly4 · 19/08/2023 18:09

I would 100% do it. What a lovely opportunity for your child and your grandparents 💕

caringcarer · 19/08/2023 18:10

Yes, it seems a very sensible plan to me. After a year you would have a good deposit and as you know houses are much cheaper in the North.

sodabreadjam · 19/08/2023 18:10

What does your partner say? You would both have to agree on this plan for it to have a chance of working.

SternJosie · 19/08/2023 18:12

I have a daughter going in to year 1, and her dad could drive up each weekend, and then we could go to London too

What are his thoughts on that?

3luckystars · 19/08/2023 18:12

Yes I would. You say you have no parents to give you a deposit but this is a really great opportunity from grandparents which sounds like it would benefit all of you.
I would take it.

Wellhellother · 19/08/2023 18:13

Assuming your daughter's dad is also living in London, I am not sure how practical driving up each weekend is. I don't think it's fair to take her so far from her dad

Littlecovid · 19/08/2023 18:13

To save 2k a month? Yes. Depending on where about in North. It’s a very varied place.

YourNameGoesHere · 19/08/2023 18:13

Has your daughter's dad actually agreed to that plan? I mean realistically he's not going to drive to see her every weekend is he?

Testina · 19/08/2023 18:13

If I were your child’s father, I would say no.

But then, I would be a parent who saw my child as much as possible, including overnight. Are you sure he’ll be on board with this? Could work if he’s not bothered about seeing her midweek or being part of her school life. If you have friends happy to let you stay over for free on regular weekends when she is staying with her dad.

If he’s a useless every other Saturday afternoon dad anyway - then totally go for it!

Duchessofspace · 19/08/2023 18:13

god yes do it on a heart beat

Original poster
Woolwichchicken · 19/08/2023 18:14

So we discussed it and he would do every other weekend and then we would come to London every other weekend. So 2 weekends each a month.

OP posts:
CommonVetch · 19/08/2023 18:15

So long as everyone is honest and upfront with each other - and that honesty continues as your year living with them progresses - I would grab the opportunity with both hands.

Countrymiles · 19/08/2023 18:15

Does your partner live with you? If yes, where are they going to live when you move? Will you have to contribute to that rent?

Is your partner your daughter’s Dad?

Testina · 19/08/2023 18:15

sodabreadjam · 19/08/2023 18:10

What does your partner say? You would both have to agree on this plan for it to have a chance of working.

He’s just a boyfriend, his opinion would be quite low down my list of priorities when it came to my child’s future housing stability.

itsahotmess · 19/08/2023 18:15

Do it! What a lovely opportunity to spend time with your grandparents 🥰

Original poster
Woolwichchicken · 19/08/2023 18:16

It is the not seeing her dad that holds me back. I guess the other option is to wait for a year and then move out of London.

But (for reasons I don't want to discuss and no faukt of my own). There is a chance I won't be able to pay the rent after Christmas, unless I take on a weekend jobs and she stays with her dad's mum all weekend anyway.

OP posts:
Testina · 19/08/2023 18:17

OK I’m confused now - you talk about your partner but her dad, which sounds like 2 different people, especially as it doesn’t sound like you’re living with the uni boyfriend (as you wouldn’t save the rent).

Original poster
Woolwichchicken · 19/08/2023 18:24

My partner is her dad, but he had to get a car for his placement year last year and its on finance and doesn't qualify for student loan. So he doesn't have much money.

I had my daughter at uni and he was the 'breadwinner' then and now he is at uni and I am the breadwinner. But everything is just so expensive now and there's barely anything left at the end of the month.

My sister lives in a flat in zone 1 with my bestfriend, so worst case, if we needed to be in london with no accommodation we can stay in her living room.

OP posts:
YourNameGoesHere · 19/08/2023 18:25

Woolwichchicken · 19/08/2023 18:14

So we discussed it and he would do every other weekend and then we would come to London every other weekend. So 2 weekends each a month.

That's just not going to happen though is it's, she's going to want to go to birthdays, clubs, events etc all of which will mean this schedule is unrealistic and then she doesn't spend time with her other parent. It might not be your main priority and you might be struggling to pay your rent but surely there are better solutions doesn't your work have other offices closer to her dad.

Original poster
Woolwichchicken · 19/08/2023 18:25

Her dad will stay at his mums if we move. But there isnt enough space for all of us full time.

OP posts:
Testina · 19/08/2023 18:26

So where does he live now?

Original poster
Woolwichchicken · 19/08/2023 18:27

I am just asking for advice by the way, no plans have been made.

I am just really struggling at the moment. And I am not willing to get into debt to pay rent.

OP posts:
waltzingparrot · 19/08/2023 18:27

Any chance he could transfer to a northern university to finish the last year of his degree?

Testina · 19/08/2023 18:27

Ah cross post, you live together now and he would move in with his mum.
Your posts sounded like their was a boyfriend and a ex who was the father.
If both his mum and your grandparents will let both parents stay overnight 2 weekends a month each - do it! No brainer.

Lamelie · 19/08/2023 18:29

Where up north?
Theres a massive difference between for eg. Darlington and Hexham.