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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lying to your children about about the time to get them in bed by 6pm (more 'me' time)

80 replies

MJRIP2009 · 19/08/2023 15:18

My friend who I've know since school frequently lies to her two 6 year olds about the time to get them in bed by 6pm so she gets some 'me' time.

She tells them it's midnight when it's actually 6pm and they believe it.

My DD is 13 months and she doesn't even go to bed this early.

I think it's wrong and tbh quite cruel.

AIBU?

OP posts:
johnd2 · 19/08/2023 15:55

I think it's just a bit weird, it's a great way to damage your trust and relationship with your child. Not something I'd go for. It's good for kids to know that parents are people to and however a discussion about the parent's needs as well.
What's special about midnight anyway,? why not just say it's 6pm so it's time for quiet time in your room as I need some time to myself, you can sleep if you like or read a book.

Videogame0 · 19/08/2023 15:57

I have a problem with the lying, tbh.

No problem with the bedtime at 6pm or taking the “me time”!

But lying to your kids isn’t great. How will they grow up to trust her? Also bet she won’t like it when they start lying to her.

UsingChangeofName · 19/08/2023 16:56

Like most, I wouldn't have an issue with a white lie to help me out on a one off basis, but I wouldn't be saying it was midnight at 6pm as it really skews their perception of the world - ie that it is still light outside - and also how would you do this when they are of an age when they will be starting to tell the time Confused

Plus of course, 6pm is ridiculously early for 6 year olds to be going to bed.

doroda · 19/08/2023 17:00

They can't be the brightest 6yos if they believe it's midnight at 6pm

BertieBotts · 19/08/2023 17:01

It would be cruel if e.g. she usually put them to bed at 7 and then sometimes tells them it's 7 at 5/6pm just because she can't be arsed any more (and they are still wide awake).

That said, a bit of a white lie about bedtime 30/60 mins early on days that they are extremely tired and losing it isn't an issue, I don't think. Especially if they would feel aggrieved to be going to bed early, but actually need to because they are exhausted.

Since 6yos don't usually go to bed at midnight, telling them that it's midnight is a harmless lie/exaggeration, if a little silly in terms of not really helping them to understand time.

Doyoumind · 19/08/2023 17:01

They'll go back to school telling their teacher they go to bed at midnight.

AlmostTotallyFake · 19/08/2023 17:12

Personally its not something I would have done, my kids would have only just sat down for their tea at 6pm. The only people I knew that did this lived on the rough estate in my town, they kicked the kids out to play all day and then put them to bed at 6.30 for their 'me time', they hadn't spent more than an hour with them all day!

TropicalTrama · 19/08/2023 17:16

Are the kids a bit dim? It’d be one thing saying it’s 7pm when it’s actually 6 but MIDNIGHT?! If they’re 4+ and buying that then I’d worry about their mental comprehension tbh.

2023forme · 19/08/2023 17:20

OwlBasket · 19/08/2023 15:26

I sometimes used to put the clocks forward and put the DC to bed early by and hour or an hour and a half. Obvious it meant they got up earlier the next morning though.

I was really struggling and it was a lifesaver at times.

When our DC were young, I used to tell them they could get up at 7am on Xmas morning but then put the clock back when they were sleeping so 7am was really 9am! They’d be lying awake watching the clock til “7” then burst through into our room. I did feel a bit guilty but not being woken at the crack of dawn made for two less grumpy parents and a much better Xmas day!

crostini · 19/08/2023 17:23

Im pretty sure my not quite 3 year old wouldn't fall for that so not sure how's she managed to fool them

PleaseGiveMeBackMySummer · 19/08/2023 18:33

They are SIX, and they believe 6pm is midnight? Confused

No matter what time of year it is, it's always completely dark at midnight.

Her kids must be pretty daft and a bit dim if they believe her.

Createausername1970 · 19/08/2023 18:48

My son went to bed at 6.00 when he was about 4. He was an active soul, so knackered by then and happy to go to bed. He used to have a bit of CBeebies and a banana before bed, it was part of the routine.

I do recall when he was poorly once, and really needed to go to bed early but resisting it and very grumpy, so I put on the program he liked from iPlayer, not "live" TV. He didn't know, he watched his programme and then happily went to bed, it was about 5.00 in reality.

I didn't do it regularly, and eventually they can tell the time, but it doesn't hurt occasionally.

MuggleMe · 19/08/2023 18:52

I mean, I'd expect the sun and not feeling tired to be a hint it's not midnight to 6yos..? Mine knows how to tell the time to hour and half hour reliably.

To be fair 7/7.30pm is usual bedtime at that age, so 6pm isn't massively early if everyone's overtired.

Angstyaug · 19/08/2023 18:58

Ha! We used to turn the clocks every New Year when they were younger so they could celebrate NY with the grown ups but not be impossibly tired on NY's day when us adults needed an easier time. They were happy. We were happy. We all survived.

Look, parenting is relentless. Get off your high horse.

Angstyaug · 19/08/2023 19:00

That is ridiculously early! They must be having dinner when most would be having afternoon tea.

^^ this made me laugh. Do you all have afternoon tea on here then?

WeWereInParis · 19/08/2023 19:05

I don't think it's cruel. It's an early bedtime but early bedtimes aren't automatically cruel.

I don't see why she lies though, why not just say "this is bedtime". They'll learn to tell the time eventually and then she's screwed as they think bedtime is midnight!

JudesBiggestFan · 19/08/2023 19:08

People are seriously weird about bedtimes in this country. Mine have always gone no earlier than 8.30. Up at 7.30...that seems to me a reasonable amount of sleep and a far more civilised way of life! Half the bedtime battles talked about on here wouldn't happen if people were just more realistic about bedtimes.

stayathomer · 19/08/2023 19:10

I love that everyone jumped on the ‘cruel’ bit😅 It is weird op, and kind of awful and sad if a regular thing, because they should get to do the proper evening, it’s beginning to get dark bit with their parents, have a story settle down etc

BigBadaBoom · 19/08/2023 19:15

Obv. You can't tell your kids the truth about everything all the time, but some parents seem happy to lie to their kids a lot more than I do. OP, is she generally honest in her adult life, or does she lie a lot to friends and co-workers too?

WtfHormones · 19/08/2023 19:18

What time.do they wake up?
Dk they actually go to sleep at 6pm?

Sprogonthetyne · 19/08/2023 19:41

As a general thing I don't, but I will if there's a reason I want them to go to bed eg. If we will be up very early the next day or if they seem very tired and grumpy. Mine are 4&6 and go to bed at 7(youngest) or 8(oldest), so if I put the 4yo an hour early for some reason, she would go at 6. To me this feels less cruel then letting her get overtired. I also change the clocks during the day on new year's eve so the DC can celebrate at 9 or 10 o'clock and think they stade up until midnight.

Beadyeyes91 · 19/08/2023 19:45

My mum used to tell me when the show 999 emergency came on it was 9pm and time for bed. My aunt got me a watch a while later for my birthday. I soon learned the time and lo and behold I was being put to bed at 7pm. 🤣

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 19/08/2023 19:49

They go to bed before lots of kids are collected from nursery.

Offyoupoplove · 19/08/2023 19:50

I haven’t lied to my kids about the time (because they don’t really look at the time) but definitely have put them to bed early some days. My start getting ready for bed at 6.30 and then are usually in bed by 7pmish on school nights. It’s not like she has put them to bed at 4pm. I also don’t think what she has done is cruel. It obviously won’t work for very long as they’ll learn to read the time but nothing cruel about them getting a bit more sleep.

anotheranotheranotheranother · 19/08/2023 19:52

I never had to lie to them because we never had a set bedtime. We just worked through whatever was going on between dinner and bed and then put them to bed if they were tired or stayed up a bit longer if not.