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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel affected by the Lucy Letby case

62 replies

GemGi · 19/08/2023 02:55

I gave birth to my first DC in April. During my pregnancy there was lots on the news about Lucy Letby. One thing I explicitly told DH was if anything happened to me during childbirth, not to let DC out of his sight and to ask what each and every thing (if anything) was being done to DC and why. I was absolutely terrified. DC is nearly 5 months now and all this Lucy Letby stuff in the news feels really grim. I can't bear to watch/read about it. It makes me feel sick and so nervous and scared for babies and parents. I wonder if I've developed some kind of anxiety.

AIBU to feel this way? The entire story is sickening and scary and sad so I don't know if I am BU..?

OP posts:
Original poster
GemGi · 19/08/2023 02:57

PS.not relevant but I did need to be rushed to theatre after the birth and DH did indeed stay with DC like I asked him.

OP posts:
Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie · 19/08/2023 03:07

I think it’s normal to feel like you do. I have only just heard about it and immediately started thinking of the what ifs. You assume that medical professionals will help you. This just shows us how vulnerable we can be. I think it’s something you need to process, but don’t let it take over you mind.

Mustardforest · 19/08/2023 03:07

It's natural to be nervous and scared in your situation, those are normal reactions to awful things in the world.

That's different from anxiety, an overly self-diagnosed mental health condition. What you went through sounds hard, but nothing happened to you. It's nerves. Not a romanticised legit illness... nervousness is like happiness, anger, sadness, joy, jealousy - all emotions we experience.

The people who were actually affected though- parents, doctors, colleagues, friends... they're the ones who will be traumatised and potentially experiencing psychological difficulties.

Just stay vigilant, loving, and remember it was one nurse in the past XYZ years out of how many thousand... like a 0.000000000001% chance. You're likelier to find a zebra on your doorstep wearing slippers.

DFAMA · 19/08/2023 04:27

Yanbu at all, my children are older and I have no connection to anything with the case but it has really triggered something in me. You have that plus the natural revisiting of a horribly traumatic time, it would be strange not to be affected by it. Take care of yourself and reach out for whatever support you need to process this.

The one tiny sliver of light in all of this is that the spotlight is on the systems that failed to act and covered it up so there will be a lot to come with policy changes across the board

Lwrenagain · 19/08/2023 05:07

I gave birth to my 34 weeker this week, in a hospital letby worked at.
I've friends who've chosen maternity care at the CoC at that time.
I'm massively affected.
I've been talking to her ex colleagues all week about it.

It's the most unnatural thing I've ever known in my whole life, someone seeking the utmost vulnerable people in the world to harm.

I think this case will affect people who have no connections at all, it's frankly horrific to even imagine someone, let alone a woman in her position of trust, could harm the smallest humans, the most loved and wanted ones.

It's killing even typing that out and thinking about those poor mamas.

I think this case can't not affect you x

MakeMineAdoubleChocolate · 19/08/2023 05:38

My son was born earlier this year. And was born via emergency c section.
It was quite a traumatic birth and start to his life as he was very poorly and had an infection/breathing problems. He was also taken away for tests and different things. But they were always in groups of 2/3 people. I couldn't go as just had the csection and was very ill myself.

But now I sit here thinking oh no, what if they did something to him. Its very, very sad. Now, he is thriving and so cute and doing well.

But when I read Lucy letby case in the news and Wikipedia, it's made me feel very sick and irritated.

These are meant to be people you hope to care for you and a fragile newborn life how she could kill and assault babies with medical tools just makes me feel so sad . I've stopped reading the other thread as its just too depressing. Those kids would be around 6-8 years old now and I have another son that age roughly. Very, very awful.

I believe in God. And know that those babies are now in heaven which does help knowing that. And I am glad for the families to get closure knowing she was given guilty and I do hope her sentencing on Monday will be life.

Please don't quote me back anyone, saying if there is a God then this would not happen. People choose good and bad in this world. We are all given free will. In this instance, this sick woma chose evil. All we can do now is send our love and condolences to their families. ....

Cowlover89 · 19/08/2023 05:42

YANBU X

AbsoluteYawns · 19/08/2023 05:44

It's totally normal to feel the way you do because women are so vulnerable during labour and after.

What Letby did is monstrous and we all feel for the families who were the victims.

If your feelings do not naturally diminish ask yourself if some therapy would help you move on.

Perfectlyblended · 19/08/2023 06:15

so I have been very effected by the news but for different reasons than most - do not get me wrong I am absolutely beyond horrified at what Lucy letby has done and I so heart broken for the babies and their families.
however I’m the big scheme of things killers like this are extremely rare.
what is not rare is the cover ups that go on in hospitals even when things that are not malicious murder go wrong.
we have had many things go wrong in DC care and it didn’t surprise me reading about the big bosses and the handling of the situation. I can only hope this causes a hide over haul for the nhs.

Riapia · 19/08/2023 06:46

I believe in God. And know that those babies are now in heaven which does help knowing that.

You are claiming to know something that you cannot possibly know. It’s just a belief.

Shoxfordian · 19/08/2023 07:14

I do think you’re a little unreasonable because it’s not as though there are killer nurses across the country in every hospital; letby was a dangerous exception but most nurses want to help you and your baby

Oysterbabe · 19/08/2023 07:20

My DD was early and spent some time in NICU. I have vivid memories of how tiny and vulnerable the babies were. It's a truly shocking case and has been playing on my mind a lot more than other tragic news stories. I think if I had a baby now I would be paying a lot more attention to what was happening to them rather than just trusting that they were receiving good care.

Goatymum · 19/08/2023 07:27

It’s a horrible, tragic case so not BU but if your feelings continue def talk to someone IRL about it and it might help.
What I find sickening is the paediatricians were suspicious and the ward manager basically gaslit them and
Lucy continued to kill.
I was vvvv ill as a newborn and in nicu for a long time - the nurses were lovely to my DPs and we kept in touch for many years as a family. That’s what it should be like. I still remember their names and I’m in my 50s now.
DD also had some interventions as a newborn although not in a ward, but DH went off with her as a literal newborn for a lumbar puncture. We just have to think how unlikely it is for this to happen to our children, but be vigilant anyway.

crossstitchingnana · 19/08/2023 08:01

When my eldest was about two months old there was a news story (over 20 years ago) about a mum who left her baby in a drawer so she could party. That baby was 8 months and died at the weight my newborn was at the time. It broke me.

My second was in hospital for a few days, in a room with me, and I would not leave her even for a wee until my dh arrived.

ChesCazza · 19/08/2023 08:19

It's normal OP.

Firstly, having a baby affects women in a lot of different ways and it's common to be anxious etc afterwards. It also sounds like you had a possibly traumatic birth if you needed surgery afterwards? That increases the likelihood of PND/post natal anxiety etc. If you haven't already, I'd recommend counselling to talk about the birth. You can also ask for a de-brief.

I think for anyone who has had children, the case is heart breaking because it relates to a parents worst fear and nightmare, the loss of a child. It is emotional viewing for every parent. I had both of my children at the Countess in 2013 and 2015. I can't really describe how I feel about it all. Devastated and heartbroken to think about what happened. Anger that she has tarnished the excellent work done by others at the hospital (my friend is a MW there). It's just horrible and the whole thing makes me cry when I think about it. That's the only way I can describe it.

Andthereyougo · 19/08/2023 08:28

I think it’s totally normal to feel affected.
I’m probably much older than your mum ( so not likely to have a baby, even my dgc are getting older) but was in tears and so depressed last night. The Letby case, those poor parents, the shock and grief they must be going through. The little girl found dead, alone in a house and it seems her father who had custody of her has simply fled the country. What did the poor child go through. I just felt total despair.
Take time for you today, cuddle your dc. It’s normal to take time to process emotions.

ssd · 19/08/2023 08:33

I think the most bewildering thing in all this is she seemed so normal.

It reminds me of a scene in The Addams Family when they are all dressing up to go to a Halloween party and Wednesday Addams ,the young girl in pigtails, comes downstairs dressed in her normal clothes.. Morticia her mum says Wednesday aren't you dressing up and Wednesday says yes mum I'm going as a psychopath they look like this all the family nod and agree with her

So bloody scary. YANBU.

Daveismyhero · 19/08/2023 10:06

Absolutely not. I'm fue in December and having this all over the news has made me absolutely terrified to go into hospital (I suffer from anxiety and catastrophise everything) I will absolutely not be letting baby out of my or my husbands sight after reading all of this

Dolores87 · 19/08/2023 10:10

I don't think you are being unreasonable.

Tbh when my girl needed taking to NICU i asked partner to stay with me instead because I was very overwhelmed and I felt i needed his advocacy. I absolutely hated leaving her when I was discharged and she wasnt though. If this trial had gone off at the same time she was born I think i would have ended up very ill with post natal anxiety about leaving her.

mrshenny · 19/08/2023 11:27

Riapia · 19/08/2023 06:46

I believe in God. And know that those babies are now in heaven which does help knowing that.

You are claiming to know something that you cannot possibly know. It’s just a belief.

Irrelevant

FarmGirl78 · 19/08/2023 22:47

Riapia · 19/08/2023 06:46

I believe in God. And know that those babies are now in heaven which does help knowing that.

You are claiming to know something that you cannot possibly know. It’s just a belief.

@Riapia, learn when to pick your battles. There's a time and a place, and this isn't it. Leave it be.

Rockfordpeach · 19/08/2023 22:50

I think it's normal. I had a preemie who was on life support and spent a month in NICU, it was a very distressing and vulnerable time and the nurses were incredible but all the Letby stuff sends a shiver down my spine that it could have been so different

KenIsAnAccessory · 19/08/2023 23:02

YANBU. We put our /our DC'/loved ones lived in these peoples hands. This will shake the trust of many people to the core, in the same way Wayne Couzens did for the police (along with many other cases). I am already thinking of responses to being asked to leave if any of my DC are admitted because no matter how small the chance I just won't be taking it. In the same way that after Sarah Everard was murdered I thought about how I'd react if pulled over late at night by a police officer.

These institutions are supposed to be here to serve us (at our cost, of course, and I'm happy to pay), but they are all too quick to say that it is indivduals at fault, however in both the police and NHS there are serious cultural and systemic failings that have allowed these things to happen.

Yellowlegobrick · 19/08/2023 23:08

I had to leave my prem baby overnight in nicu for 2 weeks. You weren't allowed to sleep there.

I just have constant shudders thinking about this case and that my baby was out of my sight for 10 hours every night, entrusted to nurses. I feel sick thinking about it.

Yellowlegobrick · 19/08/2023 23:12

I think there'll be a backlash of parents refusing to leave little babies in nicu and insisting it become like paed wards where you can sleep by the bedside.

I remember when my DC was in hospital at a few months old being surprised it was a given i could stay with them in the hospital, because i thought it would be like nicu and be sent home. Even then i remember thinking it was odd & that if they could have the fold out bed in paediatric high dependency unit they could have it in NICU.

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