To feel affected by the Lucy Letby case

[GemGi]

I gave birth to my first DC in April. During my pregnancy there was lots on the news about Lucy Letby. One thing I explicitly told DH was if anything happened to me during childbirth, not to let DC out of his sight and to ask what each and every thing (if anything) was being done to DC and why. I was absolutely terrified. DC is nearly 5 months now and all this Lucy Letby stuff in the news feels really grim. I can't bear to watch/read about it. It makes me feel sick and so nervous and scared for babies and parents. I wonder if I've developed some kind of anxiety.

AIBU to feel this way? The entire story is sickening and scary and sad so I don't know if I am BU..?

I had both my babies at the Countess at the time Letby worked there. Neither neo thought.

If it wasn’t for that hospital neither me nor my first born would be here now. I have to say that. They are a good hospital.

I did donate lots of breast milk and it chills me to think it could have been used to do awful things by her.

I need to think more about it all to reconcile it all tbh. Awful thing.

I'm not even a parent, let alone the parent of a premature baby. Of course it's going to affect you. The thought and the implications are terrifying. Yes, it's incredibly rare but it happened. It's so high profile that any new parent is going to be scared.

Thankfully, 99.99999% of the nursing and medical staff are safe around your child.

It's going to take some time for people to feel secure again. That's OK. Take any precautions you feel are necessary.

Same OP

I had my first baby in December and if it came on the news I’d switch it off or someone tried to talk to me about the case I’d have to ask them to stop because it would make me want to cry.

After having a baby and experiencing how much trust and faith we put into our midwives and nurses I cannot imagine what these poor families have experienced.

I must admit that while my children are 14 and 11 now, when the Panorama doco said that she trained at the Liverpool Women's where all three of mine were born, I honestly almost reflexively vomited. I burst into tears. My children were - and are - completely fine (and when I looked it up she worked there the year after my youngest was born anyway) but it was such a visceral reaction.

Although I feel a bit ridiculous about my reaction, and makes me feel awful for the parents, I think in essence it's pretty normal. More so for you as you have only recently had a baby.

Most humans, parent or not, are utterly horrified by serial murders of tiny poorly babies. If someone thought it wasn’t a big deal, they’d be seriously a concern!
People do try to make this thing about them
and their situations though. Unless I was actually directly affected and significantly impacted, I wouldn’t be making about me and my life.

2 out of my 3 children were premature and needed NICU for weeks and I have found the story so disturbing and feel upset - it never crossed my mind that the people we have to trust to keep our baby alive and safe could have someone amount them that wants to hurt and kill. Many parents of babies in NICU can not meet their babies needs eg extreme premies and have to rely on others so having this come out for them much be so hard.
I now work in a child related professional role with babies so have also had the fear from mothers who know their baby needs help and I feel so heartbroken for them that this needs to be considered

I think your reaction is pretty normal. What Lucy Letby did is beyond sick, unimaginably cruel.

I feel deeply affected by it too, have had 2 babies in the last 2 years. Reading this post has helped a little. My husband doesn't seem to have much patience for how upset I've been over this and my mum is just as upset as I am so can't discuss it either. I've read things I wish I hadn't. My heart aches for the babies and the families xx

When my eldest was born, there was a case in the press about a baby who suffocated whilst their mother was sleeping in a bedside cot. The baby was the same age as mine was when it was published and we had a similar cot. I was petrified and no longer wanted to put them in it. It is a normal reaction when you can relate to it happening to your child.

I haven’t been able to stop thinking about the Lucy Letby case either. I worked in NICU for part of my career and have so much admiration for nurses dealing with those tiny, delicate lives. I just cannot comprehend how anyone would want to cause harm. My heart breaks for the parents of those poor babies, I can’t begin to imagine how to process the information that the person caring for your vulnerable defenceless little baby chose to kill them. I also feel for the other 99.9% of NICU and paediatric nurses who put everything into loving and caring for these babies but have lost the trust of parents because of the acts of a monster.

Yes OP, it is a shocking case and affecting people, albeit in different ways. As we see, some people are struggling and going down conspiracy routes (denial) to cope.

It’s also natural it fed into concerns of delivery and you had an emergency situation so anxiety is heightened. Could there be some trauma as a result of that? Or triggering off past trauma?

I totally relate to your post, as there was something in the press (I won’t specify what) but it fed into my anxieties around the time of birth and early months.

I had PTSD and the press coverage somehow got mixed into those thoughts. I still find it ‘triggering’ when I see something in the press about it, but it doesn’t impact me like it used to.

If you can, I recommend avoiding as much as possible anything else about the case. This is hypocritical because I didn’t, I felt like I needed to know all the details!

I don’t have a baby now, but feel very angry about this case for various reasons. Having seen babies in a unit like this, they are the last any normal person would ever want to hurt, let alone someone trusted to care for them in a professional capacity.

Hey, I hope that your faith gives you some comfort. 💐

I'm a non believer, if you will, but I've been desperately trying to imagine there is a beautiful place somewhere for these babies.

It's so utterly traumatic to imagine what these parents have endured, I think God, no God, faith or not, it won't harm any of us to imagine those babies living in paradise.

I lost a baby not long after a grandparent, (just a sad medical reason, obviously not comparing my loss to LL's victims!) And I'd imagine my grandparents looking after my baby.

I think no matter our beliefs or faith, having your brain redirect things to a more hopeful place, does us nay harm. X

I know this is an old post. Sorry. But just wanted to add as a previous HCP this deepley affected me and diaturbed me.
Unfrotuantley as with every occupation there are bad apples.

It was horrifying as someone who looks after my patients as I would family and myself I don't understand people who don't do that. Who work in any occupation of care who don't actually care.
I have to say during my degree i did meet people who I really thought you dont have a caring bone in your body why are you here.

Lets also not forget there is no mental health screening for these occupations. Drs, nurses, physios, OT etc etc we don't know there mental health status unless they choose to disclose. Some do and some well don't.
I was initially shocked to see so many HCP do suffer with mental health issues (disclosed). But over the years has become normal.

So like with anything I would always tell my patients dont be afraid to question someone on what's they are doing. Even asking for a name and making your own notes. Even to waah their hands if you are not content they have washed them. A HCP would happily oblige and answer. Someone with something to hide will not and will act defensively. As a patient you can ask and you can make resonable requests.
I have been to SCBU and NICU and mever sent parents/carers away. They always felt they needed to leave when i entered. No stay. That is your baby! I would talk to them and say what I was doing and even tell them to speak to the Dr about follow ups from this visit. I had no issues showing them X-rays and explaining things. Although this was "frowned" upon. As it could scare them and they don't understand what they are seeing. Umm these are adults not toddlers. Like WTH! I broke the rules in a good way. For the benefits of my patients and carers.

I had patients like this often and had no iasue with answering and going through things. Even washing my hands in front of them. Or wiping down equipment again if it made them feel at ease. What's the harm? Transparency is needed and HCP need to oblige more. Hospitals to.

Back to the person in question. Glad to hear her appeal was rejected.