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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Poorly child and sulking DH

83 replies

Cantdoright86 · 18/08/2023 18:18

Youngest dc(2) was off nursery yesterday as he was sent home with a temperature late Wednesday night. Was better yesterday but not right. I was away with work so dh was at home with him and eldest dc(8)

I was back today, youngest went to nursery this morning (no temp, bit grumpy) 2 hours later they called to say he wouldn't eat his breakfast or snack, didn't want to play and was inconsolable, it wasn't asked but suggested he wasn't well enough to be there so I went and picked him up (they did suggest getting him checked out by a doctor but I think it's just a cold)

Dh has flipped saying I am wrong for picking him up, that he has played me, and that he knows if he acts ill he'll get sent home now (should point put he's 2 and 2 months) I said i thought Dh was wrong saying that and I was upset that he would have left an upset child there. I didn't ask dh to do anything as he had planned to take eldest out for the day so I could juggle calls and things and look after dc

Dc does seem OK, was tired and cuddly this morning (sat next to me watching Thomas the Tank engine on his tablet while I worked) but has been more active this afternoon

Was I in the wrong to pick him up? Nursery are used to dealing with upset children but they said he was very not like himself

OP posts:
EmilyBrontesGhost · 18/08/2023 22:27

Also to add, he has been sulking all afternoon. After Dc's nap I sat him in front of the TV to eat, he had a crumpet which he was eating quite slowly so dh kept turning the tv off whixh resulted on dc crying a lot. We were in no rush, dc wasn't that interested in good so I said to just leave him to it and if he was hungry he would eat eventually. Dh got in a strop and took the food away and binned it.

A two-year old.

Poor baby.

AffableApple · 18/08/2023 22:31

If you weren't there - sitting away like he suggested - he'd have been screaming in your two-year-old's face about wasting food. LTB.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 18/08/2023 22:34

I was going to joke that you have an extra toddler but it’s much worse. Your DH sounds abusive and controlling. I would seriously consider whether this relationship is healthy for you or the DC.

Thepossibility · 18/08/2023 22:35

Awful man.

MeinKraft · 18/08/2023 22:40

He sounds like a horrible evil dick.

Maray1967 · 18/08/2023 22:46

HowToSaveAWife · 18/08/2023 22:11

Oh wow. You just got DARVO'd.

Show quote history

He needs sorting out right now.

I’d go back in there and lay the law down.

He does not get to (1) tell me whether or not to pick up a child from nursery (2) sulk all day (3) invent a ridiculous claim about how I have ruined his day because I didn’t kowtow to his nonsensical childcare theories.

I’d keep my voice down so as not to upset Dc but I would be furious and he would know it.

No one tells me whether or not to collect Dc, take to A&E etc PIL once tried to do that when DC1 accidentally fell on DC2 and hurt him in the stomach. Tried to persuade me not to go saying there was no need, I was overreacting. A&E said I was right to take him, which I announced to PIL when we got back, because of the state of his stomach. Trust your judgement and bollock your DH.

toddlermom99 · 18/08/2023 23:13

he has played me

I have honestly never read something so utterly ridiculous in my life. You are absolutely not in the wrong for picking up your unwell baby.

NoSquirrels · 19/08/2023 00:29

Cantdoright86 · 18/08/2023 22:05

So just tried to talk to dh and been told that he can't forgive me at the moment for making him miss out on spending time with the children

Because of my interfering when he was trying to get dc to eat he felt he had to sit away. And its my fault that when the kids were playing in the garden I didn't go and sit in the office space we have so he could then sit with the kids

And the it's my fault he had to go and sit upstairs this evening because he didn't want to be around me.

So all my fault obviously!

Given that it’s already ‘all your fault’ Hmm (he’s a twat) you might as well make it official and leave (the twat) for good.

Gowlett · 19/08/2023 00:53

Sympathy, OP. My DH is exactly like this. Divorce has been on the cards for six months now… I need to bite the bullet.

Your DH is coming for your DS next. He’ll move on from you. This is my biggest fear. My child growing up in shouting home.

AlmostTotallyFake · 19/08/2023 06:25

I would want internal cameras setting up so I could keep my eye on things if the kids had to be left alone with your husband.
If he can be so angry about a sodding crumpet whilst you are there what is he like alone with them?

Original poster
Cantdoright86 · 19/08/2023 08:22

Apparently he was trying to teach him he needs to eat quickly so that if we're in a rush he eats. I argued that he was feeling poorly so to have just left him but my opinion was wrong

He's still making jokes about how dc was just playing me yesterday being ill and we should cancel the activities we have on a Saturday as he's obviously sad this morning (he's not even sad in the slightest and seems better in himself)

We argue a lot, mainly at weekends and I've been told it's because he sees how I parent at the weekend. However dh is normally at football most werkend or out at other activities so it's left to me while he is out and about (which I never complain about and support him going out all the time)

OP posts:
SunRainStorm · 19/08/2023 08:26

He's a cruel and abusive man.

What will you do about that?

FrenchBoule · 19/08/2023 09:06

OP, you are clearly in abusive relationship. Your husband also abuses your children.Please contact Women’s Aid for a chat.

No 2 years old play their parent when they are ill. The fact that child didn’t have temperature anymore doesn’t mean they have been feeling 100%. Kids while ill want their home comfort and mum nearby.

Soubriquet · 19/08/2023 09:25

Seriously OP you need LTB and not only protect yourself from this abusive shit, but your children too

BusyMum47 · 19/08/2023 09:32

Soubriquet · 18/08/2023 18:20

He’s a small child who’s not feeling well. Being at home is the best place for him.

Your dh is an asshole

This! ⬆️ Nurseries are very experienced & 2yr olds aren't manipulative!

BusyMum47 · 19/08/2023 09:35

@Cantdoright86
Just read all your posts. Your husband is a vile controlling bully & you need to seriously consider getting yourself & your children away from him.

cuckyplunt · 19/08/2023 09:43

The problem with leaving ass holes like this is they then get some lone custody of their children for years afterwards and can totally screw them over without their mothers being there.

gamerchick · 19/08/2023 09:45

OP, you know your bloke is abusing you and your kids don't you?

dunroamingfornow · 19/08/2023 09:50

Life is too short and your children too young to be walking on eggshells in what should be a safe place for you all. Sulking is a form of manipulation. Maybe that's why he's projecting his own behaviour on to a 2 yr old. I feel very sorry for your children and you. It's no way to live

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 19/08/2023 11:27

I think your DH’s response is showing you how he thinks. He is manipulative and is projecting that behaviour on to a toddler because that is how he sees the world. It sounds like his world is all about power, control and manipulating others to meet his needs. So that’s how he thinks a child would behave too.

Children do focus on getting their needs met but not in a manipulative way. They are small and vulnerable and sometimes the world is too much so they need the safety and security of a caregiver’s love. That is a parent’s job, you provide the safety, security and love to allow a child to thrive.

Your DH can’t see that because he doesn’t separate a child’s motivations from his own cynical world view. He doesn’t sound like a very nice person.

GoodChat · 19/08/2023 12:36

Apparently he was trying to teach him he needs to eat quickly

A child doesn't need to be taught to eat quickly. That encourages unhealthy eating habits.

Original poster
Cantdoright86 · 19/08/2023 13:00

We literally haven't spoken all day. I've got up, done all the jobs, we have an activity on a Saturday we all go to he hasn't spoken to me through all of that. He made himself and oldest lunch, didn't ask me if I wanted anything (youngest was going down for a nap)

OP posts:
HowToSaveAWife · 19/08/2023 13:02

Cantdoright86 · 19/08/2023 13:00

We literally haven't spoken all day. I've got up, done all the jobs, we have an activity on a Saturday we all go to he hasn't spoken to me through all of that. He made himself and oldest lunch, didn't ask me if I wanted anything (youngest was going down for a nap)

Repay him in bucketloads. He is outrageous. What an awful environment for you and your kids.

Vault687 · 19/08/2023 13:03

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

billy1966 · 19/08/2023 13:09

You are in one nasty abusive relationship and so are your poor children.

I think you need to call Womens aid for a chat.

This is an awful environment for your children.

Are you happy?
Is this the life you want?

Have you family and friends to ask for support?

This is neither a good man nor father.

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