To crave another baby to get my out of the corporate 9-5 slog

[Darkeyes12]

I know this sounds ridiculous and I am aware of that. I wonder if I’m the only one. My life is hectic. Two kids 12&7. Work full time so does OH.

we are financially comfortable. I was a sahm for a few years. Returned to work full time 3-4 years ago. recently been promoted and now have a bit more pressure.

OH is in a very stressful Job. Sometimes I long to accidentally fall pregnant so I can get a year off work and focus purely on family life. In my heart I’d love to be a traditional housewife but also am ambitious.

I know logically I should cut my hours but as soon as I decide to do it I back out as I worry I will lose future career opportunities. I am seen as reliable and focused. I worry cutting my hours will portray that I’m not as much anymore.

anyway OH doesn’t want another and really neither do I. But it’s strange how my mind plays tricks on me as if that’s the way out of feeling overwhelmed and stressed.

It would probably be easier to find another job that you like better.

It’s a regular fantasy of mine. I don’t really want another child but I’d LOVE another maternity leave

I don’t hate the Job - it’s not the job. It’s the pressure, stress, commute, missing kids pick up and drop offs, missing them waking up in The morning, feeling like I’m constantly working.

Funny cos when I was at the end of maternity leave I was desperate to get back to work and now feel like I have so much time again in my day

look for another job you can do in 3 days? Or take a sabbatical?

I understand what you mean. I loved being on maternity leave and going to baby classes with my children and meeting up with other mums. As much as I would love to be a sahm, I imagine that life would be very different once the kids are older and most of your mum friends have returned to work and you are left with just the children for company most of the time... But, part of me would love another period of time away from office life, definitely!

Oh I've thought this loads of times 🤣 I mean, I've never seriously considered it, but I do sometimes fantasise about it. To be honest I've also quite fancied a week in hospital now and then, just to get a break and a hot cup of tea 🤷‍♀️🤣

@Seaswimmingforthesoul 😂😂 I thought I was the only one. Was chatting to DH about the time I spent 2 days in hospital, was actually a nice break

You don't dislike your job, just the pressure, stress, commute, and hours! 😂

I’m so glad I’m not the only one. I was worried about myself especially as a baby would be 100x harder than my current life I think. It doesn’t make sense!

Can you work remotely at all? I would look for something you can so you are around for mornings and can do school runs etc. I have a job I can work flexibly around so I pick up a few hours in the evening in exchange for taking 3-7pm with DC.

Maybe go for another job with less hrs, If you’re worried about your current employers opinions.

I badly injured my ankle once and had 6 weeks off, although it was painful it was also amazing 🤩

Totally get what you mean. Could you drop a day at work? I find that 4 days works really well for me, still the same opportunities for promotion, decent salary and pension contributions etc. but just the one day off means I feel like I can get my life a bit more in order and that day I do get to do the school drop off and pick up etc. without being in a rush.

Can you find a remote working job? I find working full time completely different without a commute.

In my heart I’d love to be a traditional housewife but also am ambitious.
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If that’s what you went to do and it’s feasible then do it!!

I know logically I should cut my hours but as soon as I decide to do it I back out as I worry I will lose future career opportunities. I am seen as reliable and focused. I worry cutting my hours will portray that I’m not as much anymore.

This is a belief you have that is severely limiting you. It’s simply not true. I’d try therapy to overcome this.

In my experience, reducing hours doesn't have a negative impact on career progression. I mostly work with senior managers who work less than full time! Better to reduce hours and then do well whilst you are working.

Can you find another job? It sounds like you don’t really enjoy this one.

Also is dropping to a four day week acceptable in your industry? I work in finance and lots of men and women at my work have dropped a day a week and it’s certainly not impacted their careers.

Unless you’re going to be a wealthy housewife for the rest of your life, you’ll have to go back to the slog eventually …only with three kids not two!

Look for a less stressful job, go part time of you can afford it..or just ride it out.

My kids are teens now. A 9-5 doesn’t feel so hard. I have time and energy for interests of my own that I didn’t have when they were in primary school. It gets better!

I'll probably get flamed for this but I think it's totally normal for a woman to feel this way and want to be a SAHM and a housewife. It's biological. I hate that the expense of living means that so many women have to go out to work when they would be much happier at home.

There’s staying at home and there’s staying at home, isn’t there.

Lady of leisure with a cleaner, gardener, full time nanny / children in school and occupied with extra-curricular activities in the evenings, leaving you to lunch, play tennis, go to the spa, go shopping etc. because husband is an exceptionally high earner and you have full access to his income? Would be amazing!

SAHM in an average income household responsible for 100% of the cleaning, cooking and childcare with most of your days literally spent at home? Unlikely to be what ‘most’ women prefer to working and having financial independence.

Also, do you have any data to support the “much happier at home” statement?

I’m not calling bullshit (as I have no idea if it’s true or not), just wondering where it comes from/if it’s based on any reliable data.

My mother was a SAHM for most of my childhood and she has deep regret about not returning to the workforce (especially after spending years studying and training to work in her field). Her colleagues who stayed in the workforce seem much happier and fulfilled, especially as they got older and looked back on their career and how much they achieved. Not to mention being fantastic role models for their daughters (and for my sister and me, as we fortunately got to spend time with them over our childhood to give us inspiration and a view of women’s potential).

I do know what you mean - I'm also in a corporate role with 2 DC. I'm debating another and as part of that I'm trying to work out how much I wany another baby vs how much I want another mat leave.

I would say though that if you're worried about cutting down hours meaning you're not taken seriously at work, having another baby might have the same effect.

OH says no. So does my head 😂