Not everyone is happy on A level day

[Alevelwoe]

Firstly, well done to all those who've got what they needed and commiserations, plus fingers crossed, to those that haven't.

A level results day makes me feel unsettled every year.

I'd always wanted to do a hard-to-enter vocational degree but had struggled to get offers. I knew the chance of my getting what I needed to gain my only offer was very low, and had no idea what I might do instead. Context is that my teen years were pretty unhappy and I was desparate to leave home at all costs by the time I was doing A levels. (In fact if I hadn't been a very self-directed learner with a clear target, I'd have dropped out years before).

I did miss the grades and it was about 3 weeks before something came through clearing for me; all was well in the end but I still remember how hollow I felt in those 3 weeks, and how "stupid" too; I was the only one of my friends without a university place (though I had actually performed better than some of them, who'd applied for different courses).

But the other thing that stings more is that my parents had gone on holiday with my younger siblings and left me to it so I dealt with this on my own. Whenever I read comments from parents about how excited/nervous/proud they are, it cuts me a little.

Now this was 40+ years ago and I have largely let it go, ie I don't think about it for most of the year, but A level results day triggers me every year and I go back to that horrible isolated, hollow feeling of that time in my life.

No AIBU, unless someone wants to tell me that I am being U in not forgetting. I wish I could.

A level results days with the TV crews and students crying happy tears bring mixed feelings for me as my results day (a long time ago) was not happy. I know that for every excited bunch of students waving amazing results around, there will be those who have slunk off devastated with no real support to go home to, either practical or emotional, and I really feel for them. At least there are on-line resources these days with lots of advice, and teachers are more helpful. In my day, the teachers were present on results day to pat the high achievers on the back and look ruefully and meaningfully at the failures (I was one of those). Just to rub extra salt in the wound.

Every year I despair at this process.

Make massive life decisions; go through a gruelling application process; and start planning the next stage of your life BEFORE you’ve even completed the A levels bit.

It makes no sense. How many other stages of your life / career / education would you be so heavily invested 2 steps ahead when you are nowhere near a clear outcome of the stage you are in?

And then to rub salt in the wound, the whole world turns out for the ‘big reveal’, to see if you ‘made it’.

The pressure is immense.

It does not have to be this way.

Why does it not go:

1. A levels
2. results
3. plan next stage of life / Uni application

🤷‍♀️

And anybody that comes up with some nonsense about university term dates and admin processes as a reason, has clearly never worked in university admin!

Thank you for this thread. I hate this day too. My results day was 23 years ago. It was also the day of much loved Nan’s funeral.

My parents had no idea about university. Looking back, neither did I. I was likely to achieve som good grades but didn’t apply for any that asked for them. Those places weren’t for the likes of me. I was the stupid one in my friendship group.

It’s brought it all back. How stupid I felt. My English teacher telling me I’d be lucky to get a D. I got a B and marched up to him and said well, I did it. Oh the anger. I can feel it now. It’s visceral.

Let’s have it as self-care day. Definitely. I may book the infamous MN spa day next year. 😂

And also, the fact that so many people are still traumatised by this process decades later (even when it absolutely no longer matters and they have already had a life full of great achievements), really does just prove my point.

Why is it necessary??

Ha ha, if you find that button, do let me know …

I don’t have bad memories on results as was lucky enough to get my first choice, but feel uneasy for all those getting results today (and next week) after the terrible time they’ve had.

Big unmumsnetty hugs to everyone on this thread. I did alright in my a levels (CC) in 2001 and got into my 1st choice university by the skin of my teeth. I remember the boss at my summer job not letting me have the time off though so I couldn't get the results with my friends. It was my GCSE results that I did badly in. Really hoped to get 5 c's but ended up with 3.

I went to college at 22 to get what I needed to get into university as only had 2 poor Scottish highers. I did this as I wanted to be able to get a better paid job one day. My parents were of the mindset of get a job, any job. No ambition for me whatsoever. I ended up get a scholarship and now also have a masters and PhD but I missed out on undergrad graduation as I couldn’t afford to go. It is weird seeing all these parents so heavily invested in it all. I’m always a little bit jealous! And I’m 40!

@FlappyFish

I was predicted a D in my O level English Language so my teacher put me in for CSE, despite my high set. I begged to be allowed to double enter as that was allowed as they were completely different exam series and dates. The school refused. I begged my Mum and Dad who were not well enough by any means. They paid for me to double enter and have 10 lessons outside of school tutored for the exam to try and work out what was going wrong. I had taught myself to read before I started school so I ought to have been able to do OK.

I got an A grade at O level.

I saw the teacher in the pub that summer and told him. I knew you could do it, he said.

I was fuming.

We lost Mum last year to cancer and in one of our heart to heart talks when she was so ill she couldn't really go anywhere, we talked about this and I told her how much actions like that had meant to me. They hadn't really understood the enormity of it but did what they thought was best when I was begging for help. Dad had worked overtime to pay for those extra lessons.

I failed all of mine. I was also alone when I got my results. I went on ti do 2 degrees 1sts in both and post grad degrees much later on life

Whybare you dwelling on something that you could easily have changed if you really wanted to ?

This 💐

I too feel a little sad, I dropped a Grade, I needed AAB in my main a-levels but got AAC, as I had done General studies and also another AS I got in.

the C was English Lit and I had a horrible bully of a teacher, in my other two subjects I scored in the top 1% with my A’s. In English Lit sadly there was a group of us (we believe it could have been race related) but were excluded from tuition/support and we did try to push back but the teacher was also the Dep Head. I re-call support teachers coming in and marking my work and getting As but this teacher would always give me a C and marked my course work down. It was a sad time. I should have got my 3 As. But I still got onto my degree of choice.

I am glad to find this chat. I find this day epically triggering. I actively avoid the media and anything to do with it. My story? The tldr - violent home, mum left three months ahead of my a levels. I did four (one by correspondence) I was left with my violent alcoholic father freaking out to say the least - mum had also spent up
on the cards so we had no cash and the fridge had broken and it was horrific. I had an offer for St Andrews BBB and for some reason my father had decided stirling at CDD. I genuinely never felt I would end up there. So yup results day A B C and a D for correspondence! St A wouldn’t take me, my father you are going to Stirling. I begged him to call St A and tell them the situation. He refused. I knew at the time it was the wrong choice - I wanted a career in the city. And yes I do have a career in the city after two masters degrees, various professional quals but the amount of people looking down their nose at me because of where I went to uni… everyone thinks I went to Edinburgh until I tell them! And yes it would have been easier if I had gone somewhere more ‘prestigious’ as people read from the bottom up on CVs. And no I was the first of my family to go to uni from school so my parents didn’t know about the sharp elbowed middle classes who know how to play the game with clearing etc. This was in 1990. And every year at this time brings it all back and knowing what I know now the absolute unfairness and how children are hothoused, coached and given every advantage by the sharp elbowed middle classes. Generally elite school, then elite university then elite careers. I try my best at work to bring in kids from underperforming schools: I am setting up work experience days for them as the only school kids we get are either children of staff or friends so the same type of people. So very glad to see this thread

Absolutely. I’ll be encouraging my DC to think about getting their results first then thinking about next steps, whether that’s further study, work, apprenticeship, or time abroad.

the time I had travelling was more educational than the two degrees I’d gained by 24. Better for my confidence and career motivation too.

I’m so sorry to read of your experience. That’s horrendous.

How you’ve taken it and are being the change you want (and we need) to see in the world is truly incredible. Hugs and high fives to you.

Yep, I went to uni in 1997 and medicine offers were often aab/abb. Think it was only really vet med that needed straight As

I should also say this was an inner city comp. Most people were of colour, it seemed this teacher just wanted to work with the few white children in her class. there was about 20 of us so I just felt really ousted, they all hung round together debating poetry, etc, for a number of us English was our second language, we are children of immigrants, a lot of system playing went on then. It’s only now I work in HR I can see how the sharp elbowing above works. Middle class white children (who are usually second or third generation to go to Uni) even from from the State sector are hugely advantaged.

I was lucky my Redbrick still took me. It was a good comp, not terrible by any standard but the race divide was obvious. The city itself suffered from race related clashes etc

This. I got AAB which I was happy with but went home and told parents and my mother just said “why did you get a B?”
No well done, no congratulations, no “proud of you,” just not perfect so not good enough. It was typical of her and probably prompted by envy and insecurity (lots of background) but unfortunately I have never forgotten it.

Need to belt out some “Let it go” myself!

Sorry that was to @Allchangename354 x

Hi windows - yes I am originally from Scotland and what I observed is at least when I was growing up it was about socio economic privilege and also religion (sectarianism). After all I don’t really imagine rishi Sunak had much trouble getting into oxbridge from Winchester. For me, it is the divide between opportunities for kids who went to elite schools whether private or selective- (did you pay or pray?) and those who didn’t and as you mention the sharp elbowed middle classes know how to play the system. The immigrants, the poor don’t know how the system works and so therefore can’t play.

I think being around for results must have been a much less important thing.
My parents were the first to put academia top, but we were away for definitely dsis' GCSEs and A-levels, and my GCSEs and A-levels. I can't remember for my brother. It wasn't as though that was the only two week's holiday we could get-we could have easily gone to the same place earlier in August.
We didn't get them by email in those days, so we had to wait until the Monday after (we came home on the Saturday) and sneak into the school where all results were up on the noticeboard.
I had an unconditional offer for uni, but dsis didn't, but for GCSEs I was changing for the 6th form and I remember I had to fill out the form as soon as I got it and hope it got to them on time.

"But the other thing that stings more is that my parents had gone on holiday with my younger siblings and left me to it"

I am so so sorry to read this. What utterly selfish arseholes. No wonder you felt you wanted to leave home early. It's really hard to get started in life when you don't have a solid base to launch yourself from. You've done so well and deserve every success you've achieved.

I get how results day must be upsetting but can you reframe it as: look how far I have come from they tricky month in my life, which despite being a child I handled competently all by myself.

@Bory
I agree what you say, and I'd like to add to the unfairness: remarks.

If you have money and your dc came out with every subject on the borderlines, but at the expected grades, you could risk putting the papers back in for remarks in the hope it would go up. If I remember rightly it's about £40-£50 per paper. So if there are three papers in an exam it could be £150. You can view the exam papers, pay a tutor to go through and see if they can spot anything etc.
You get the money back if it alters. So they get a second bite at the cherry.

For someone whose parents don't care, or for whom they cannot risk losing that £50, they can't do it. It doesn't matter if they are clearly under what they'd expect. They may not be able to risk it-you also pay the money up front and it's refunded if it changes.

Now my dc's school does have a pot for people in the latter situation, but it is limited and they sometimes have to make choices. Naturally maths/English on pass/fail get priority, then it's down to the individual teachers to make a case.

But it isn't fair. I've heard of people putting an exam back for remark because it's close and "it's worth a shot".

It's one of my concerns about contextual offers-that it will be very quickly manipulated by the people who don't need it, but know how to manipulate the system.

@Bory I went to Stirling, I never thought it was considered a crap university? Till now!

Hey sushi lover - it is not a crap university if I had wanted to do something else. Instead I wanted the career in The City and investment banks to tv don’t milkround at Stirling. Edinburgh, yes St Andrews yes , oxbridge definitely and Russell Group universities - not Stirling that’s all.

This happened at degree I was borderline 2:1/2:2 and wasn’t advised about appealing someone who got less than me appealed and got it pushed up to to 2:1 the organisations I applied for needed a 2:1. No one sees that you come from an immigrant community with a comprehensive background vs the public school kids I was up against at my redbrick who knew how to play the system. I had to work 3 days a week in evenings to fund uni and my dad was dying at home as an alcoholic so I had no where to study. I really want to give my 18 and 21 year old self big massive hugs cos she went through some shit,