To wonder why adoptive parents get paid?

[Member786488]

I’ll try and post a link to the story…

Possibly being dim… not unheard of.
I understand the fostering payments obviously but surely finance is something you consider if you’re going to have a child, so why is that different if you adopt.

other than some initial costs, why do you receive regular ‘adoption’ payments until the child is 18?

I know of 4 families who have chosen not to adopt, but have their children on long term foster care.

That way they know their children will have permanent residence with them, they will continue to get paid as a family, and their LACs will get to the top of the list for school places, CAMHS (if needed), bursaries at uni (if they go) and many other things.

Once a child is adopted, all those things go.

We didn't get adoption allowance and are still working in our late sixties trying to support our now adult highly complex children. The children also got zero therapeutic support growing up. I don't know any adopters who did manage to get adoption allowance. It's not standard

When my friend fostered the allowance was much more than the children actually cost them.

Unless your friend fed the kids smart price noodles for every meal, never bought them clothes or toys or toiletries or paid for hair cuts, never used gas or electricity, never drove the kids anywhere and never enrolled them in any clubs or any school trips or any sort of activity ever you are talking absolute rubbish. The fostering allowance is a pittance and always has been.

What would you prefer OP? That harder to place children spend a lifetime in the care system?

Adopters getting an adoption allowance (and many don't get a penny) get it because the placing LA assessed that their children will have needs which will mean a high level of extra expense for the parents. E.g. will always need one parent to SAH, will always need their own bedroom and not be able to share with siblings, will need more clothes/toys/furniture than other children as they deliberately destroy their and others' belongings, etc etc.

Begrudging a small amount of financial support to parents raising challenging children who would otherwise cost the state far more growing up in the care system (not to mention have far more likelihood of criminality, MH needs etc caused by their growing up in care, so costing the state more once they are adults). Is that really the look you're going for?

I agree. My friend has adopted a child with serious early life trauma - they were 4 when adopted - they have to have therapy twice a week, both times with mum present, the child has attachment issues and I’ve never asked and don’t ask if she receives money - but I wouldn’t begrudge her a penny - everything she does as a single parent is for her adopted child. The child hits her and has made extreme progress forwards from their early life without her adoption the child would be in a home and would not be where they are now - mainstream school and likely to gain employment at 16 and much of the early life trauma is physical eg no teeth, physical abuse etc do you serious think them being in a home would be cheaper? As for mum, she’s given up work living off pensions etc cashed in early and she was a solicitor - she does some odd work but has given up her career etc to look after the child and be there for them 100% that’s commitment and I hope she does get something.

im sorry that I offended you @Ted27 that wasn’t my intent.

The majority of adopters don’t get an allowance even when their children have high levels of need.

Due to my children’s needs, we tend only to socialise with other adoptive families who ‘get it’. Of those families, the only one who has a small allowance is the family who were misled about their child’s needs and the mum has had to give up her work. She was a well paid professional and now gets £900 adoption allowance monthly. In the five years since they adopted, there has never been a time their children were both in full time education as no schools in our county can meet the children’s complex needs (one needs 2:1 support and both are violent as a result of the hideous trauma they’ve suffered).

The fact you’re even questioning access to this allowance makes me incredibly sad.

Then your friend wasn't spending the money as it should have been spent.

It might be better to ask why more adoptive parents don't get paid, and why the ones who do, aren't paid more?

Adopted children often have complex needs and problems. Their parents are saving the state a huge expense as well as providing safety, security and love. That should be recognized and properly supported, IMO.

I'm sorry you're struggling. Allowances are much more common now precisely because of situations like yours and also to help prevent high numbers of complex adoptions breaking down.

@Gwenhwyfar do your friends live a lifestyle comparable to Amish elders?

I've got no idea how that is remotely possible 🤔

Of all the people to point the finger at and moan that they might be getting something others aren’t, you choose adopters.

We don’t get anything, it’s vanishingly rare for adopters to get an allowance, it’s increasingly rare for adopters to get support of any kind despite the trauma, neglect and issues their children may have had. And if they do get any support, they’ve probably had to fight tooth and nail for it.

Maybe visit the adoption board OP and understand some of the challenges adopters and adoptees face.

I worked in adoption for 13 years, they do not get paid! This is so misleading.

I'm shocked that photos of the children are included in that story

I don’t believe that for a second. Consider it’s also because foster parents don’t work. It’s supposed to cover all expensive, contribution to living environment etc etc.

I suspect that those who receive payment, do so when circumstances are particularly challenging. £612 a fortnight isn’t going to be provided without very good reason. A stay at home parent is probably needed, limiting the earning capacity of the household.

I didn't realise some adoptive parents got payments but I am glad they do. As a parent or a child with complex needs who has had to give up a very well paid career to care for my child I understand the cost implications of raising and additional needs child and they are far higher than just new shoes etc.

Its the career and income you loose, your home which can get destroyed, the extra clubs I have to pay for my other kids to safeguard them from my son's abusive outbursts. The respite which is very little but paid by the disability team but obviously not the outing which is generally £20 a week as we pay for the PA cost to. I don't grudge it but it adds up. Its having to replace flooring yearly because in meltdown he ruined it. The chips in the wall and bannister I have to pay to fix and repaint he created because he was told not to run cars down the stairs. The door handles that needed replaced because he believed he knew how to open them better, the chain that got ripped of the front door because he didn't like being kept inside but couldn't be let out for his own safety which meant it needed fixed. These are real examples of my homelife and I am sure some adoptive parents are in the same boat.

Same here, fostering allowances were quite difficult to manage especially with children with more complex issues. Every foster family I know chipped in their own money.

Not sure what you are attempting to get out of this thread OP but I hope its not to have a dig at adopters. AA is means tested so no one is profiting off adoption.

Any of us who've fostered or adopted children with disabilities or developmental issues are aware of the extra costs involved. I have met adopters given AA (for a sibling group and harder to place) until the last sibling enters reception and also for severely disabled children, never any paid AA until 18. Never ever met an adopter who begins the adoption process with AA in mind. Not one.

Yes, we found this in December 2020, when I was suffering from Long Covid and my DH couldn’t cope anymore and became ill with stress. We asked if respite was possible and were told no. Thankfully for us, my BIL and SIL very kindly took our DDs (then 11 and 8) in for a week to give us a desperately needed break. Thankfully, it’s the only time things have ever been that desperate.

I haven’t been able to work since we adopted DD2. Admittedly, I haven’t been well enough in recent years (MH issues and more recently Long Covid), but we were run ragged enough with only my DH working.

Re payments, we haven’t received any payments apart from £500 at the very start of each adoption to contribute towards equipment for the new child. There are regular payments available for some adoptive families, but they’re means tested and we didn’t qualify.

Wow. Why? Is it because adopted children are meant to get other funding? That must be so frustrating.

They aren’t necessarily meant to get other funding (it varies hugely), NICE just take any opportunity to not fund medical care for anyone.

@Gwenhwyfar If that's the case than they didn't provide a very nice life for those kids.

That's insanity. Surely there has to be a reasoning there? A way to appeal? Adopted children have the worst outcomes, that's widely known and accepted. I'm so baffled.

Excuse me?! This is abhorrent! Why on earth wouldn’t he be entitled to an nhs referral? If anything he should be MORE entitled.

This is the thing, if a child is adopted nowadays, they aren't coming from a healthy teen mother who is giving their baby to the adopted family from birth. Rightly or wrongly, it is SO difficult to remove children from their homes for foster care, let alone all the way to adoption. The threshold for SS referrals is increasingly higher too. I cannot imagine what a child that's been adopted has gone through. They will no doubt need SIGNIFICANT support.