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Original poster

Noticed DD's birthmark for the first time today, DH worried it's going to be big

106 replies

elm26 · 16/08/2023 23:34

Hi everyone

Didn't know where to post this.

Whilst bathing my DD who's 12 weeks, I noticed that she has a birthmark that neither my Husband or I have noticed before. It's on the back of her leg.

I've attached a picture.

When I showed DH he said "oh no that's quite big and in an obvious place, she'll hate it as she gets older and it gets bigger as she grows". Does that happen? I've got a birthmark the same colour as DD's under my armpit but it's about the size of a 5p.

Now I'm worried she's going to end up with a huge birthmark that she'll hate when she's older.

OP posts:
Aparecium · 17/08/2023 08:41

I don't think that's a fair comment, "attitudes from her parents" we adore her. She doesn't understand what DH said, he only said he hopes it doesn't get bigger as she might hate it! It would never be said to her.

Of course you adore her! And you want the best for her. So don't teach her that something about her is worthy of dislike or unease. You don't even need to say anything, just the unspoken attitude can come across. If, say, you discourage her from wearing shorts, even without saying why, what do you think she will take from that?

Your dd is perfect just as she is.

kindmama15 · 17/08/2023 08:55

My daughter has a birthmark on her stomach and had a stalk mark on her forehead in fact she had 2 when born but one has faded completely the other is still obvious enough, it’s right in the middle of her forehead and I worry about her being picked on but it’s part of her and something to love and for us to help her accept that everybody had different things. I wouldn’t worry about a birth mark on her leg!

florafoxtrot · 17/08/2023 09:00

My DD has quite a few birthmarks including quite a large strawberry mark on her chest, I think she fought her way into this world as like you, we had a long journey to get to her. Truthfully I don't really notice them anymore day to day, occasionally when I'm bathing her I'll notice it and I'll think "goodness, I actually forgot about that!" because it just becomes part of them. It will be the same for you and your DH.

TeleTropes · 17/08/2023 09:03

I’ve got a birthmark just like that on the inside of my arm. I didn’t notice it until I was about 25, but my mum assures me it was always there. It’s so faded that I can only really see it in summer as it tans more than the skin around it.

Your baby will be fine.

crosstheriver · 17/08/2023 09:09

This post has just reminded me I have an obvious birthmark.

It’s not where I can see, so it’s not something I think about often!

I don’t think this is a big deal at all.

pilates · 17/08/2023 09:12

Congratulations on your new baby 💐
As long as you don’t make a big deal about it (which I’m sure you won’t) it will be insignificant to her. It may even fade as she gets older. My DD had a strawberry birthmark on quite a prominent part of her body which did eventually disappear but people did used to stare.

Hecate01 · 17/08/2023 09:12

My eldest had a strawberry birthmark that was quite large and I was very sceptical when a specialist said it would disappear on its own as they got older but it did.

For those saying how didn't you notice it before, birthmarks change a lot in the first few weeks. My eldest had a tiny red dot that turned into something the size of a 50p over the first few months so yes, it's entirely possible that it's got bigger and the OP hasn't missed it.

Soubriquet · 17/08/2023 09:14

My dd has a birthmark on her wrist. She’s 10 now and it hasn’t gotten any bigger.

Cloudsandyoghurts · 17/08/2023 09:16

If you're worried (and I genuinely dont think you should be) you could join the 'birthmark support group" on facebook. My DDs birthmark is a different type, much more prominent/dramatic and needed medical intervention, but none the less that group are utterly amazing and very reassuring, they know their stuff.

Hufflepods · 17/08/2023 09:17

If she hates it and is self conscious it will be down to the way you and your DH are talking about it and projecting that onto her.

Roselilly36 · 17/08/2023 09:21

DH has a very similar one on his leg, hardly noticeable at all. Try not to worry about it.

Londontown12 · 17/08/2023 09:22

My daughters was exactly like that ! she 20 now 😀 stayed the same and not noticeable at all x

Mintearo7 · 17/08/2023 09:22

My 1 year old has one of a similar shade on his face but smaller. I have never mentioned it to anyone including my DH. I will keep it that way unless someone brings it up. I know your mum is conscious of hers but society has changed DRASTICALLY since she grew up. Trust me, I have a large operation scar down my chest from when I was a child so I know the feeling. But look at all the different looking people (disabled/of colour/not ‘normal’) kids are not only exposed to, but look up to. Don’t make an issue of it otherwise you will appear backwards to her. Should she choose to not embrace it when she’s older, she can get some cover to make up.

PollyPut · 17/08/2023 09:24

@elm26 it's taken you 12 weeks to notice this. In summer. It's really not a big deal, don't worry!

MoserRothOrangeandAlmond · 17/08/2023 09:28

@elm26 I think you are overreacting.
As a 34 year old women who has a 'stork mark' or 'angel kisses' on their forehead which is a hell of a lot more noticeable. It's a little mark on the back of her leg.
It's only going to be an issue if you make it an issue.

I hide mine with a little bit of make up. But now I'm older I don't mind it!
My parents never made a fuss (my nanna had the same mark as me) and my daughter had a little one when she was born!

BreakTheChain · 17/08/2023 09:32

I have quite a big birth mark on the back of my leg that's the same colour and can honestly say I have barely given it a thought. There have been a couple of times as a teenager I thought I didn't like it but the thoughts didn't last long. I don't think anyone ever really noticed it unless I pointed it out. There is no point worrying as it won't remove it just cause you years of worry which might project onto her and cause her to worry about it

CasperGutman · 17/08/2023 09:46

Yesabsolutely · 17/08/2023 00:31

I would ask GP for advice who can advise. Not all birth marks are straight forward.

Oh, for heaven's sake. No wonder primary care is screwed if people would seriously consider taking up an appointment with something like this!

OP: the birthmark as shown in the photo is not an issue at all. Forget about it, and don't mention it to your child any more than you would any other inconsequential and non-remarkable patch of her skin.

PeakedAtAverage · 17/08/2023 10:05

@elm26 I have a large strawberry mark on the back of my thigh. I have never ever given it a thought tbh and it affects me in no way.It’s much pinker than your child’s and more obvious but because I can’t see it I forget totally it’s there and I don’t remember anyone ever saying anything negative about it. I really wouldn’t worry about it at all.

35965a · 17/08/2023 10:08

I have one like that. You can barely see it now

Theonlyoneiknow · 17/08/2023 10:23

Is it a cafe au lait birthmark? I wouldn't worry about the size of it, only if she has 6+ of them.

amusedbush · 17/08/2023 10:23

I have a very similar birth mark to your DD's on the side of my leg, maybe 2x5cm? My mum has the same birth mark in the same place and she attached zero emotion to it when I was growing up, so I can honestly say I've never given it any thought.

I'd actually forgotten about it until I opened this thread!

thecatsthecats · 17/08/2023 10:46

I have a huge strawberry birthmark on my shoulder which I've never given a moment's thought.

I knew it was there, but because my parents religiously stuck to the "mostly ignore, treat as positive and normal when it comes up" line... That's how I treated it.

Don't you dare let him MAKE her self conscious of it by fussing over it.

Original poster
elm26 · 17/08/2023 11:02

This will be the last thing I say on this thread because I think I've been misunderstood.

Our DD could have another eye and my DH and I would still think and tell her she's beautiful.

He made a comment saying he hope it doesn't grow big for her sake as kids can be cruel.

I suffered horrible self esteem issues, I hated my nose so much so that I saved up to get a nose job by the time I was 21 and DH talked me out of it and I've learned to love my nose, it makes me, me and I'm glad he told me that I absolutely did not need surgery on my face to be beautiful.

I am comfortable in my own skin, I wear make up because I enjoy doing make up, I always have done but I don't wear it every day, probably once a month I'll put more than a bit of mascara and lip balm on.

People saying I'll push my own issues onto her really isn't fair, I'm fairly confident in myself and I know that I'm a great Mum and I would never push any insecurities onto her.

DH is the least judgemental person I know, there is no way he would ever even mention it to her. He always tells me he thinks I'm beautiful and he is a great person.

I'll leave it there, I won't be taking her to drs for a birthmark, now I've googled the type she has, I understand that I would need to take her if she had 5 or more at any time so I'll just keep an eye on her that it is just the one.

Thanks everyone.

OP posts:
Wallywobbles · 17/08/2023 11:20

I have the same on my ankle. Non issue. It tans quicker than the rest. Don't notice at all in winter.

zingally · 17/08/2023 11:50

Don't worry about it.

My mum has one on her upper back and my sister has one on her foot. It's just a quirk.

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