3 kids in a 3 bed house?

[3ina3]

Settle a debate for me:

Friend thinks having 3 kids in a 3 bed house is near cruelty. I think, maybe it’s not ideal, but ultimately, it’s not going to harm children to share a bedroom until they’re old enough to move out.

Her argument is that children NEED their own space to become well adjusted adults. My argument is that sharing a room with your sibling, even as a teenager, isn’t going to kill you. In the “olden days”, there’d be 8 kids in a 3 bedroom house, and everyone survived so it can’t be that bad.

I shared a room with my sister before having my own room, and while I did like my own space, I also didn’t mind sharing. There were opportunities for me to have my own time in my room when my sister was away with friends or trips, and vice versa. My friend thinks this was abhorrent.

Sanity check please?

Friend thinks having 3 kids in a 3 bed house is near cruelty.

Obviously this is daft.

However, in my house all the bedrooms, even the 'doubles' are small. I have 4 bedrooms but 2 are very small.

I've realised as I now have almost-all teens that trying to provide some private space for each is important. I guess if you had a big house with a selection of reception rooms, sharing bedrooms would matter less, but my space is limited across the house.

Moving isn't an option. So I'm currently massively decluttering with a view to giving each child (3 DC) their own room but in the youngest's trying to manage a desk for my WFH days.

It's all fine & certainly not cruelty but my house does feel small for teens! I think comparisons with 'how it used to me' aren't that helpful as life is different in many ways now.

We live in a 4 bed house and my teenage daughters share a room, DS has the box room and we have a guest room. The kids also have their own sitting room so they are hardly deprived. In our last (3 bed) house all 3DC shared when they were little.

I shared with my younger brother until I was 8, he then shared with our younger brother for another 6 years. We lived in an enormous farmhouse with 5 bedrooms.

Your friend is daft and I actually think it's good for siblings to share. Most adults share a bedroom, it's hardly cruel to put same sex children in the same room.

We're in a 1930s 4 in a block set of 3-bed flats and we're the only ones with only two kids in our block. The others all have 3 or 4 kids each, although 2 of them are council owned still so they wouldn't be eligible for anywhere bigger unless there were special circumstances (ours & the other neighbour's were sold by the council a while back now).

When my kids were much younger we just had a 2 bed council flat and they shared. A neighbour in that block was a single mum with 3 DS. She was told if she wanted to be eligible for somewhere larger she had to either move in a partner or have another child. She ended up going to a HA 3 bed instead because she was having to sleep in the living room as there wasn't space for 3 boys in one room and the council insisted it was ok for one to share a room with her so they weren't overcrowded.

6 of us in a 3 bed here, bit cramped and cluttered but happy!

When all mine were still at home we had 2 adults, 2 teens, and 3 primary age in a three bed room semi. Then eldest DSs girlfriend (later wife) moved in too.
We managed. I think having the big age gap in the middle helped, we couldn't have managed it with six teens I don't think.

I have never in my entire life slept in a room on my own (apart from a few hotel stays for work).

My parents had 4 of us, in a 2 bedroomed terraced house (it had an attic which was used as a bedroom of sorts). My own 2 kids grew up in a 3-bedroomed house

Does she know that years ago they not only shared a room, but several of them also shared a bed.

I know of someone who bought their 17 year old grandchild a flat because they needed their own space.

I have 3 kids in a tiny 2 bed terrace as unfortunately my circumstances changed and thats all I can afford. I am not sure what your friend expects me to do about it

I think its fine in a proper traditional 3 bed, where the downstairs footprint included a sitting room, a kitchen, and another space (dining room, front room etc). The garden being a decent size etc.

But imho a new build "3 bed" set on 3 storeys can be different and it's not the bedroom sharing that causes issues its the small size of the ground floor for a bigger family, + postage stamp garden

I'm 26 so not ancient and sharing a room with a same gender sibling was totally normal and very common amongst my school peers. I live in a rural area so the school had a pretty wide range of backgrounds, and even the posher middle class friends I had shared rooms where necessary. Total non issue. Anyone who thinks like your friend does OP has had a very sheltered life!

I wouldn’t have liked it for my 3 DC and I absolutely loved having my own bedroom growing up.

Your friend is being ridiculous. Ignore her.

I'm one of 3 and grew up in a 3 bed house. Shared bedroom with older sister till I was 25 and she was 27!
We're fine 🤪

My mum is one of 10 children who grew up in a 3 bed house. 4 girls and 6 boys.
My grandad welded 2 double beds into bunks plus one more double for the boys - mum said their room stunk of farts and smelly feet but hey everyone survived 😂

I grew up as one of 4 dc in a 3 bed flat. Had to share with 2 sisters as our brother got a room to himself. I hated it, never had any privacy or space for craft projects. I was keen to move out as soon as I could and I never went back to love at home after I went to uni. I would never choose to have more dc if it meant they had to share.

It's not cruel, of course, but if the two sharers don't get on it makes the fighting worse as they can't withdraw. 2 of my friends growing up were the older sister with a younger sister sharing and they fought every day on a scale of 1 (muttering about the other taking/breaking their things) to 10 (throwing things at each other and screaming). Not close at all as adults.

You're friends mad. My mum had 3 kids (1 boy and 2 girls) in 1 room. Was fine.

I think alot of kids (when young) like sharing a room. Well mine do anyway! We have a four bed, and only two children, but they decided they wanted to sleep together so both sleep in one bedroom. They will often play seperately in their own rooms, but always sleep in the younger dds room. I doubt they'll want to as they get older though. Think it's perfectly acceptable for younger kids, but I can imagine for preteens, and teens (especially if different sexes), they kind of need their own space. Sharing won't kill them though!

I once dated someone who at 21 shared a bedroom with 2 brothers still. He hated it and moved out asap. It affected our relationship as he couldn't have adult relationships and I didn't want to date someone in that situation having every interaction being at my shared house in Uni (roommates, own bedroom space).

I think for young children sharing is fine, probably even preferable! But for older teens it's really not fair and is something parents should consider, circumstance changes aside.

This was when I was talking about. The problems between my friends and sisters happened once the first one hit about 13 and the younger was 11.

It's definitely a luxury but I hated sharing with my sister and I wouldn't want my kids to feel like that.

I think this must be highly unusual.

Don't you mind? Clean cotton sheets on a double bed that you don't have to share with anyone else = one of life's great pleasures imo! But if you've virtually never been alone at night, perhaps you'd find that weird and lonely.

I’m completely with your friend on this I’m afraid. Children have so little ownership over anything in their lives and having their own space is so important so that they can have that little slice of ownership. Choosing paint colours/wallpaper, hiding their treasures and just having their own peaceful space they can escape to.