3 kids in a 3 bed house?

[3ina3]

Settle a debate for me:

Friend thinks having 3 kids in a 3 bed house is near cruelty. I think, maybe it’s not ideal, but ultimately, it’s not going to harm children to share a bedroom until they’re old enough to move out.

Her argument is that children NEED their own space to become well adjusted adults. My argument is that sharing a room with your sibling, even as a teenager, isn’t going to kill you. In the “olden days”, there’d be 8 kids in a 3 bedroom house, and everyone survived so it can’t be that bad.

I shared a room with my sister before having my own room, and while I did like my own space, I also didn’t mind sharing. There were opportunities for me to have my own time in my room when my sister was away with friends or trips, and vice versa. My friend thinks this was abhorrent.

Sanity check please?

Absolutely daft, it's a luxury

My dds shared till they were older and we extended as I had ds as well

It's perfectly normal

I think it's a strange selfish choice to keep having children when you don't have a house big enough to accommodate them all. You see it all the time. Why would you even try for a 3 rd child knowing you don't have the room? What happens if twins popped out?!

Define what 'big enough to accommodate them all' means? Because opinions vary, and yours (shock horror) is not the prevailing one it would seem.

From what I've seen if the COL goes on too long and the housing crisis isn't sorted it won't be too long before kids are sharing with their parents, never mind siblings, as there won't be affordable homes anyway. Repossessions may mean taking what you can get/afford.

I grew up in a 3 bed, DGP in big room, DM and I in middle room, DBro in box.

I just don't see what is selfish about it? As a percent of all the children in all the world, in all of history, how many do you think had a room to sleep in of their own? What even makes you think that it is preferable, let alone some act of cruelty?

Seems like I am going against most other responses, but I do think you should provide each child with their own room, either by buying a bigger home or having less children. I would hate to share and wouldn't expect my children to

Your friend sounds like a complete twat. Must be nice to be able to afford a house with separate bedrooms for each child. Wow, I never knew sharing my room with sibling growing up means I'm not well adjusted. Would love to hear her opinion if she ended up in financial difficulties and couldn't afford to do that🙄

I think 2 kids sharing is ok but more than that isn't really fair. Then as they get older teens they deserve their own space so my aim would always be to be able to give them that as the years went on.

Though obviously things happen and circumstances change, so I wouldn't judge a family for sharing. But I wouldn't actively choose it either.

Good grief, this lol

But sometimes things which we would rather not have to do, like eating veg, exercising or sharing and renegotiating space with others, are actually really good for us.

Preference doesn't really tell you anything.

I shared a bedroom with three other sisters. Im alright and living life fine, no lasting issues 😂

I always shared a bedroom until I left for university. I'm not usually a fan of "it didn't do me any harm" but really it didn't. If we didn't argue about room sharing we found something else. We had plenty space for our own clothes, books, toys and to study. Also, cleaning the bedroom was only my responsibility every other week!

Eldest DS is used to being flexible, travels well in accommodation for residential trips as he is used to sharing. It teaches young people how to compromise when deciding when to stop reading at night, lights out etc.

It also encourages them to aim high and be successful so they can move out and buy their own place for space if that's what they want. Over all they enjoy sharing as they have company and often can be heard chatting to each other.

This. It's not great if children are brought up entitled.

DH is a pain to sleep with as he snores, has CPAP. So should I just divorce him so I can get my own bedroom? I don't think so. You learn to compromise when sleeping in the same room.

I'm did have my own room growing up most of the time but it's perfectly normal to share

I do think it's rotten if there are more than 2 dc sharing though nowadays

We're 3 kids in a 3 bed, it's fine? I shared a room growing up too. My dad had a cousin who had a drawer instead of a crib, knew kids who shared beds rather than rooms and reckons kids he grew up with were so filthy that you could see where snot trails had parted the grime on their faces.

We're a family of 5 in a 2 bedroom house (DS is 14 and twin DDs are 10). If I had the money I'd love to give them all their own room (I was lucky to have it growing up), but you can't fight the hand you have. It's all very harmonious and no-one appears to be traumatised. A friend of mine shared with her 2 younger brothers until she went to university and there were no adverse effects.

My boy girl twins share and my eldest girl has her own room. When the twins are older likely the girls will share and son have his own room. I'll never afford a 4 bed so it is what it is

I'd rather they have a stable loving well
Maintained home where mum doesn't stress about whether I can afford the heating on or replace the washing machine if it breaks

Nothing wrong with sharing bedrooms at all.

I grew up in a 4 bed maisonette with 3 siblings, one room was tiny so that was a storage room then the girls shared a room and the boys shared one. Was never an issue (apart from usual sibling stuff)

Never heard such nonsense. I grew up with my sibling we all shared, so do my children currently. It would be a luxury to have their own rooms.
My husband grew up having his own room aswel as his sister. She's an absolute spoilt brat and tbh I actually can't stand my husband and his selfish ways any longer.
So if sharing rooms makes a difference to the person you become then from my small life sample I'll keep with the room sharing 🤣

I think there's way much pressure and judgement nowadays if people aren't 'keeping up with the Jones's'
I find it strange how there are all these expectations and demands in life now, way more than years ago, yet we are in a trickier financial climate than ever....many seem to feel the need to be 'living the ideal' (and showing off about it!)
It seems that nobody has to go without anymore, or compromise, or make do! And that's not good for adults or kids.

It’s not cruelty in anyway- but I do think kids need their own space, and it’s selfish to keep having children if it’s known they won’t have their own bedroom.

I don't think there's one right answer to this.

I grew up in a large family and didn't have my own room until late teens. I can't say I enjoyed sharing much but it did seem just normal. I went on to have 3 kids (all boys) and we lived in a 3-bed house. When the youngest was a baby he had his own room while the elder two shared. Once he wasn't a baby anymore, the younger two shared while the eldest had his privacy. Unfortunately, the elder one's uni time was interrupted by Covid, so he had to come home and went back into his old room. The middle one never did have his own room and has now left home himself.

It never seemed like it was much of a problem, but the middle one now says that he really hated and resented the lack of privacy, and he has a tendency to be secretive as an adult. Was it inhumane? Has he been scarred for life? Well, no, but what I do think now is that it was not very kind to have more kids than bedrooms, and the middle child has picked up the tab on our unfulfilled optimism that we'd afford a bigger house before it started mattering.

But there are people here saying they didn't mind sharing, so I guess it depends on the temperament of the child and the delicate balance of family relationships over the years, some of which - maybe all - is hard to know in advance of the decision being a done thing.

So I don't know. I don't think yabu, but I don't think your friend is either.

I do think you're friend is being ridiculous and certainly speaking from a place of great privilege

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