3 kids in a 3 bed house?

[3ina3]

Settle a debate for me:

Friend thinks having 3 kids in a 3 bed house is near cruelty. I think, maybe it’s not ideal, but ultimately, it’s not going to harm children to share a bedroom until they’re old enough to move out.

Her argument is that children NEED their own space to become well adjusted adults. My argument is that sharing a room with your sibling, even as a teenager, isn’t going to kill you. In the “olden days”, there’d be 8 kids in a 3 bedroom house, and everyone survived so it can’t be that bad.

I shared a room with my sister before having my own room, and while I did like my own space, I also didn’t mind sharing. There were opportunities for me to have my own time in my room when my sister was away with friends or trips, and vice versa. My friend thinks this was abhorrent.

Sanity check please?

Closer in age isn't always better when it comes to sharing. When I shared with my nearest-in-age sister, it was a constant battle over when bedside lights got turned out and whether the radio could be on. When I shared with the younger one, she was asleep by the time I went to bed, so I could do what I liked.

Your friend is an elitist snob of the worst kind!
This study of only children compared to children with siblings looks at incidences of violent crime. One particularly interesting stat is that 6.2% of males who were only children committed violent crimes compared to 3.8% of children with siblings.
I think it’s safe to assume the only children had their own bedrooms. The % of them committing violent crimes was almost double!!! Kinda shoots your friend’s argument in the foot.
https://ajp.psychiatryonline.org/doi/pdf/10.1176/appi.ajp.158.6.960

House here is 2 doubles, 1 box room and 3 kids, 2 parents. Just asked my two boys (20 and 16) who not only share a room, they still have bunk beds. They say they like it, but annoying if one is coming to bed later than the other, but eldest says he thinks it's taught him how to share and be considerate.
3rd is in a box room and she's the one I feel more sorry for as she has no room for a desk which she needs.

Cruelty 🤣

It's never, a bit squished, not preferable or ideal...just straight to a full-blown hyperbolic nonsense.

I was one of three in a house of three kids. We're all functioning and happy adults and we don't have a chip on our shoulder or claim it was an act of cruelty.

This is mn so I don’t think you will get proper answers as people on here tend to think the same way from what I’ve seen however I have 4 kids in a 3 bed house. It’s fine.

I'm 43, shared a room until I was 15 when my sister left for university. Never bothered me at all, it wasn't unusual amongst my friends.

It's no more 'cruel' to share a bedroom with siblings than it is to have to share with a snoring buffalo of a husband. Now THAT is cruel!

I grew up in a 3 bed house, family of 5. As the middle child I always had to share with a sibling. I didn't love sharing tbh but it is a perfectly normal part of family life. Not cruel at all. I have friends whose children share even though they don't have to because it suits the family to have a spare room. That's fine too! i

Is it heck cruel I shared with two sisters 3 and 10 years younger till I was 13. My boys shared the biggest room till eldest went to university and DD had the medium roomDS2 is in the box room now and DD in the big room.
what I do think is cruel is when siblings are shoved in like sardines and the parents have the biggest room?! We have always given the children the bigger rooms they spend much more time than we do in them

My own father had 10 other siblings. They lived in a 3 bed. Granted, half of those siblings were married and moved out by the time he was old enough to want his own space but many of them came back and went off again as relationships broke down. My grandparents kept that house until they died, raised 11 children in it, and no one ever complained about the space.

This idea my friend has that children NEED their own space to become healthy adults makes me worried for the next gen honestly. Who knew sharing a room vs not made the difference between becoming a doctor or a criminal? 🙈

Actually one thing I would say is modern 3 bed houses are quite different to the 3 bed houses of my childhood, or indeed the 3 bed 1950s house I live in now.

Some of the new build houses have tiny bedrooms and not much room downstairs either. I don't think it would extend to cruelty to have a family of 5 living there but it would certainly be cramped.

To add to the cruelty of my 3 bed house 5 member family set up. We moved from a 5 bed house 6 years ago to a better area so we actually took bedrooms off our kids!
We also sent/send them to private school so that they get the joy of comparisons with richer friends. They seem very happy and well adjusted. Eldest at uni now so only here for breaks so at least they no longer share 24/7

We have three in a three however we have made sure we have extra space.

Currently building at the bottom of the garden a log cabin that will be fully equipped with full electric etc.

We have 7 in a 4 bed!!! It works out fine and everyone has enough space

I grew up with two siblings in a three bed house. Our neighbours have 3 kids in a 3 bed too. It’s not cruel we were absolutely fine. It’s about what you can afford to live in and what’s available.

It will probably become more common for a while again as the cost of living causing a some people to downsize and may not have the luxury of their kids having their own space.

I shared till 17 - and older sibling moved out I don't think it damaged me in any way.

My DC shared when younger then we moved and could give them their own rooms - I think it reduced arguments and made many things easier for us as parents but beyond that I really don't get why so many think it's a requirement.

I have three children in a three bed house. My three year old son has the box room and my two daughters share (5yrs and 1yrs). The plan is to keep them sharing until my oldest at least starts secondary. Then we have the option of using our second reception room (originally the dining room but now used as a home gym) as our bedroom while the three children have the rooms upstairs.

We did originally plan to build second storey extension on top of our current single storey extension to create two more bedrooms but with costs as they are we would prefer to remain mortgage free and not have to borrow money for it.

I grew up sharing a bedroom and it never caused me any harm. I definitely liked it when we were younger. I did used to complain about never having my own room but my parents always said that if we moved to a bigger house it would mean no family holidays and no days out/meals out. So I preferred sharing to that

It's definitely not cruel - she needs to look up the definition of cruel! It's preference of parents. I'm sure most teens would prefer their own room, but same sex teens sharing seems fine as long as they have their own bed and somewhere to study.

I don't think it's cruel. I think it's more related to different values and priorities - so for me it's unlikely I'll have more than two children, partly because I think I'd need to spread my money (and time and head space) thinner than I'd be prepared to compromise on. So wanting each child to have a separate bedroom is part of my wider consideration of what's important to me. Whereas other people will have different values and priorities, so will make different choices to me. And also life happens - not all pregnancies are planned, and circumstances change.

I did share a bedroom as a child, and whilst it was generally fine I'm glad that I'm in a position where my own DC can have separate rooms. I really don't think my DPs were cruel though! It was just one of those things.

We have three kids in a two bed, so they all share one room and it's fine. They are all girls

What a load of rubbish! Nothing wrong with sharing a room. People are so precious 🙄

DSs 16yo and 13yo share, and DSs 8yo and 6yo share. It's not a problem. Eldest often away on residential trips, stays occasionally at grandparents and going abroad soon. So 13yo gets room to himself occasionally.

It's not cruel if they have to share. MN is so funny at times!

Yes, this.

I raised three children in a two bedroom house. All grown and well adjusted with no issues. All still have close relationships with each other along with their partners. I shared a bedroom with my sister until she was married, we also get on great and have a close relationship.

I didn't have my own room until I went to university, and even then I shared a room in the first year. What a load of tosh!
We are in a four bed house now but the eldest is in a small room and the other two share the largest room. Husband and I each have our own rooms (I recommend it for a healthy marriage). Long term plan is to convert the loft. But it really won't kill them to ,earn to share a space for a while. In the old house the eldest shared with the middle and we had real issues settling him into his own room in this house as he missed the company!