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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you ever feel like everyone does this?

105 replies

Dooooooooo · 15/08/2023 21:27

Apologies this isn't meant to sound like sneering or to cause offense.
However I look around and majority of people seem to be living the same life.
That is, go to uni, graduate, stay with the same company for many years, work your way up into management.
Meet 'the one' and settle down in late 20s/early 30s, marriage a couple of years after meeting, the exact same style of wedding, then the first child, then the second one a year or two after, the house purchase in suburbia, the cat and/or dog, and that's it, life is 'complete'.
I feel like this is how the majority of people I know are living. Not that there's anything wrong with it, I wonder if it is social conditioning, pressure, or biology. You sometimes feel like an outcast for not having 'achieved' all of these things, even if there's really nothing wrong with it.

OP posts:
Needmorelego · 15/08/2023 21:29

I actually don’t know hardly anyone with that life.

Original poster
Dooooooooo · 15/08/2023 21:30

That's good! I wish I knew more. I had so many friends who got engaged between 28-31.

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 15/08/2023 21:30

I didn’t go to Uni, stayed with the same company all my working life (NHS), chose not to become management, but did the rest. Why ? Because I wanted to. But life’s not yet complete.

Original poster
Dooooooooo · 15/08/2023 21:31

That sounds great!
I dislike this idea that once you've got xyz then your life is now complete. Life continues.

OP posts:
cupan · 15/08/2023 21:31

With a very few exceptions, that is the story of everyone i know and everyone I've ever known.

Wolfpa · 15/08/2023 21:31

Things are changing, I am in my mid thirties and none of my friends are married or even considering it. Half of my friends don’t want to have children. Society doesn’t expect us to follow the traditional path any more you be looking in the wrong places to validate your life. Are you happy? Really that is all that matters

AndIKnewYouMeantIt · 15/08/2023 21:32

This isn't my experience.
I have 3 best friends.

  1. Teacher, 39, single, no children, very career focussed. Considering adoption.
  1. 40, just got married. No plans to have children. Did not go to uni.
  1. 38. Lives in Munich with German husband. Very high up in a bank. No children.

I'm the anomaly as the one who got married at 25 but it took us 8 years to decide to have DS. No pets, town centre townhouse.

Original poster
Dooooooooo · 15/08/2023 21:32

You are right. I am yes, I probably am looking in the wrong places. Social media doesn't help, it's just a constant stream of engagement, marriage, babies, houses.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dooooooooo · 15/08/2023 21:33

That sounds great. I'd love to live abroad again. Sounds like you all have a fantastic setup!

OP posts:
DeeCeeCherry · 15/08/2023 21:34

I know people like that, but not many actually. It wouldn't be for me, I've been in Creative field for years so my life is entirely different and I love it. I don't think there's anything at all wrong with the lifestyle you describe tho. 2 people as a team building life and generations together is a nice thing. To me, anyway. Different things make different people happy. & that's OK.

JustCarryOnWalkingPast · 15/08/2023 21:35

I met my husband at 19, got engaged, moved in together, got married, all in 2 years. Had 2 kids, bought a house, moved into a bigger one. Changed career, had quite a few. Now - kids are 39 and 43, grandkids are growing up. House paid off years ago. Husband and I are retired (just). Married 44 years, life is great.

Original poster
Dooooooooo · 15/08/2023 21:36

Yes, absolutely! If they're happy it's great. I just feel sometimes that society is built towards that and it shouldn't be.

OP posts:
Johnisafckface · 15/08/2023 21:36

I wish my life had gone like that 😂

The only thing I did was go to uni, graduate, and have a kid and get dogs. All the rest passed by me unfortunately lol

Original poster
Dooooooooo · 15/08/2023 21:36

Congratulations :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Dooooooooo · 15/08/2023 21:37

It sounds like you've achieved a lot! I bet a lot of us think we could have done xyz.

OP posts:
Berlinlover · 15/08/2023 21:39

I never went to uni, never worked in management, never married, never had kids, never had a dog or a cat, never lived in suburbia. I do have a nice life though.

TheBrightestStarInTheSky · 15/08/2023 21:39

It's certainly not my life or the one of people l know.
You could tick all those boxes but no guarantee of happiness.
Happiness is down to your mindset and not your circumstances.

Caprisunny · 15/08/2023 21:40

No. I didn’t go to uni. Worked in hospitality. Then I’m call centres. Now in construction at a senior level.

Got married at 20. Baby at 21, 2nd baby at 28. Divorced early 30s. Now have a dp who doesn’t live here and have a home with my kids.

Drbo went to uni but is now a sahp.

My best friend had her first child at 15 and is now a paramedic. Went to uni in her early 30s. Is still with the father of her children at almost 40. Been together since they were both 13. He went to uni in his 30s too. Straight after she did.

Againstthegrai · 15/08/2023 21:41

Haha you have just described my life 😂. Apart from met my DH early 20’s and got married after 10 years together rather than late 20’s. Too tired now to think of all my friends to see if they follow the same pattern…think it’s about 50-50? There have been a couple of divorces early on, quite a few people choosing not to get married, and sadly a couple suffering from infertility that have broken the general pattern..that I can think of off the top of my head. Also a few people choosing not to have kids…

PinkingScissors · 15/08/2023 21:42

There's always going to be "the majority" which is probably similar to what you describe in the UK, give or take a few elements, and plenty of people who take different paths.

Your post reads a bit like all the goths at school commenting that everyone else dressed the same and had no original thought, yet they all dressed very similar and trotted out the same line🤔

Moonsun88 · 15/08/2023 21:43

I think it used fo be but things are changing. More individuality now.

Againstthegrai · 15/08/2023 21:44

PS I now feel very boring and conformist which actually goes against how I saw myself at school and uni, and the people I hung around with! I don’t think my way is ‘better’ and doing that necessarily makes you happier - it’s just the way things turned out for me. I have lots of other things going on in my life apart from just marriage/boring job/kids

Original poster
Dooooooooo · 15/08/2023 21:46

That's a very good point, it is mindset. I need to not feel pressure to tick all the boxes. I think I'm just looking at the schoolfriends I have and I'm not focusing on a wider circle.

OP posts:
greyhairnomore · 15/08/2023 21:53

I don't know anyone like that off the top of my head

Andanotherone01 · 15/08/2023 21:57

This is my life apart from the management bit (thank fuck!). Definitely happy with my lot. I know many people who have taken a different life trajectory though.

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