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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my MIL is really rude for going through boxes she offered to store for me a few years ago

61 replies

ChilliHeelerluckedout · 15/08/2023 14:25

My MIL is going through boxes she offered to store for me a few years ago. I can't remember what's in them but they are overflow from uni that I couldn't take home with me in the baggage allowance, so who knows! Without permission or any alert, she has started 'sorting through them' and guessing what I may like to keep or get rid of. It doesn't help that the relationship is at its rockiest yet because DH has recently had therapy that opened his eyes to a lot of dreadful things in his childhood that she was responsible for, and that he noticed her doing to our DS. She thinks I'm behind it all though, even though I am not, I am only quietly supporting my DHs response to it all ( which I don't entirely agree with). I don't usually stick up for myself with her but I did this time because she took some photos of a couple of the contents and both items were really emotive for me so I told her it was rude of her to go through my stuff and I will go and fetch the boxes from her in a couple of weeks. She has said that I was rude to challenge her, has conflated my request for privacy with whatever is going on between her and my DH, and has now stopped all communication. Aibu or is it rude to go through people's stuff without their permission like this?

OP posts:
Daffodilwoman · 15/08/2023 14:27

She was rude. However, you need to get your things out of her house ASAP. Don’t store anything there again, ever.

Cloudsandrainnotsunandsand · 15/08/2023 14:28

That's a massive invasion of privacy. Not sure why you keep quiet like dh does about her. Personally I would ask a friend to collect on your behalf and block her.

Sluj · 15/08/2023 14:32

She was rude but to be honest, if someone had asked me to store boxes for them and left them there for several years, I might have been tempted to see what was in them that was so important. Perhaps she knew how to get you to move them out of her house? Has she asked you to take them back before?

Spirallingdownwards · 15/08/2023 14:34

I guess her going through them is no ruder than you dumping them there for years, not remembering what us in them and not bothering to collect them in all that time.

Just go and get them now if it is that much of an issue

RhymesWithTangerine · 15/08/2023 14:34

She should have told you in advance. YANBU

However, you are a grown up with your own home, so why are you storing your university stuff at her house?

pasturesgreen · 15/08/2023 14:38

Spirallingdownwards · 15/08/2023 14:34

I guess her going through them is no ruder than you dumping them there for years, not remembering what us in them and not bothering to collect them in all that time.

Just go and get them now if it is that much of an issue

This!

Original poster
ChilliHeelerluckedout · 15/08/2023 15:41

@Daffodilwoman Yeah certainly learned my lesson. My own storage, commercial storage, give away or recycle in future.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChilliHeelerluckedout · 15/08/2023 15:44

@Sluj all good points. Now that you mention it, I remember (what I thought was) casually talked about taking them back after we bought our own house a few years ago.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChilliHeelerluckedout · 15/08/2023 15:51

@Spirallingdownwards I didn't dump them, she offered and we agreed. But yes they have been there a long time. My issue is that she could have just asked me to collect them - it's 2023- 2 minute text asking me to get them or she'll get rid of them. My second issue is that I have been around her stuff that was out in the open not even in boxes, lots of times over the years, and not looked though or touched a thing. I guess I thought there was a level of mutual respect.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChilliHeelerluckedout · 15/08/2023 15:56

@Cloudsandrainnotsunandsand Aw! I love this because this is how much I was fuming when it happened, I really appreciate our shared annoyance (I will try not to completely succumb to confirmation bias though).

OP posts:
nillionaire · 15/08/2023 16:16

Spirallingdownwards · 15/08/2023 14:34

I guess her going through them is no ruder than you dumping them there for years, not remembering what us in them and not bothering to collect them in all that time.

Just go and get them now if it is that much of an issue

This

Cloudsandrainnotsunandsand · 15/08/2023 16:17

My mil did a sly thing years ago. I sent her 1 ranty text and did indeed block her. Been over 8 years of peace. Def recommend it!

DepartureLounge · 15/08/2023 16:29

I don't understand the responses to this at all. How is accepting a freely made offer to store some boxes at the home of someone who presumably had the space for them in any way comparable in "rudeness" to opening up the boxes without any warning, rifling through them and making unilateral judgements about what ought to be got rid of? What an appalling way to behave. I would be incandescent, OP.

PoshPineapple · 15/08/2023 16:49

The contents obviously aren't that precious to you if you've dumped them in here house all these years and can't even remember what's in them!

Of course it's rude to go through other people's belongings, but she's probably thinking you neither want nor care about the contents after all this time?

Summerwhereareyou · 15/08/2023 16:49

If you don't kinda saying what are the issues your dh has with her.

soupmaker · 15/08/2023 16:59

It's out of order for her to be going through your stuff but I also think you're out of order for not retrieving it.

[we have box loads of MILs stuff in our loft, she's not seen any of it for 16 years and BILs stuff, which he's not seen in 8 years. Both live abroad. I wish DH would go through it so we could actually use the loft space. Neither have any idea what's in the boxes and knowing MIL it will all be superfluous rubbish]

Yourebeingtooloud · 15/08/2023 17:04

Given that you haven’t needed anything in these boxes for years, and can’t even remember what’s in them, I can guarantee there is nothing in them you need in your life. Just get rid of them. She’s probably fed up of having them around and given you’ve abandoned them at yours, thought you had decided they weren’t things you wanted/needed.

Yourebeingtooloud · 15/08/2023 17:05

Gah abandoned them at HERS

ConstitutionHill · 15/08/2023 17:08

DepartureLounge · 15/08/2023 16:29

I don't understand the responses to this at all. How is accepting a freely made offer to store some boxes at the home of someone who presumably had the space for them in any way comparable in "rudeness" to opening up the boxes without any warning, rifling through them and making unilateral judgements about what ought to be got rid of? What an appalling way to behave. I would be incandescent, OP.

This!!!

If she was sick of the sight of them, then tell you to pick them up. Don't rifle through them. Nosey mare.

longtompot · 15/08/2023 17:10

Yes she is being rude going through your boxes. My mil and siblings in law did the same to mine & dhs stuff when he was still my bf, and they had our whole flat in the garage that wasn't used, as we were between moves.
They found it highly amusing when I found our books & ornaments in their houses years later. What jolly japes. In laws have both died & we are no contact with the siblings.

nillionaire · 15/08/2023 17:11

Have you written about this before? I’ve read an exact story like this here..

MrsSquirrel · 15/08/2023 17:12

It's out of order for her to be going through your stuff but I also think you're out of order for not retrieving it.

Though clearly the timing of this is no coincidence. Her son is starting to stand up to her, she goes through your stuff to retaliate.

You can learn something from this et incident. You thought there was a level of mutual respect between you but that turns out not to be true. Get your stuff back, apologise for leaving it there for so long, then start sticking up for yourself.

stayathomer · 15/08/2023 17:12

It’s only an issue because you both don’t get on. If my mil started going through stuff to figure out what to keep I’d say ‘oops, forgot to take it!’ and take it back. Sorry you’re all having a rocky time though, it sounds hard

TotalDramarama · 15/08/2023 17:13

She's rude. Go and get your stuff back ASAP.

Tandora · 15/08/2023 17:14

Spirallingdownwards · 15/08/2023 14:34

I guess her going through them is no ruder than you dumping them there for years, not remembering what us in them and not bothering to collect them in all that time.

Just go and get them now if it is that much of an issue

This I’m afraid. Given you left them in her house for so many years, I think you should have been a little less abrupt/ direct in your annoyance to her going through them. Very much sounds like six of one half a dozen of the other in this case.