Page 4 | To not think I did anything wrong but now I’m worried?

letmeletyougo · 2023-08-15T12:52:16+00:00

Four of my colleagues go out a lot and don’t invite me and last night they were out together so I messaged one of them and said have a good evening! :) And she’s not responded to me

blackbeardsballsack · 15/08/2023 16:32

I may or may not have taken it as a snarky message, but even if I took it at face value I wouldn't have replied as I wouldn't have thought it needed a reply/would have forgotten about it.

YouJustDoYou · 15/08/2023 16:49

Maybe you and they just don't gel.

Janieforever · 15/08/2023 16:56

letmeletyougo · 15/08/2023 15:16

I messaged because I felt hurt

Ok so your intention was to have a pop and let her know you were hurt. Job done. She got the message, they all will have as she will have said about it, hence the ignore.

what were you hoping to achieve though by sending it, and why did you feel you were entitled to be invited?

was it Just because you have socialised a couple of times before with two of them? They are allowed to have their friendship group just the four of them. Honestly it’s not about you or hurting you.

Why were you hurt, as you were never part of the group?

Luana1 · 15/08/2023 17:27

That's tricky OP - you may have been hurt, but at the same time your colleagues are under no obligation to take your feelings into account when planning a night out with a small group. They were probably not actively excluding you, just not including you (or the other 20+ members of staff) which is an entirely different thing.

Fallingthroughclouds · 15/08/2023 17:42

We all make mistakes. In the disaster that is my life this is nothing really. Just try and forget about it. You're hurt and feel excluded, it's OK to feel like that. Try and ignore all the people who are coming down heavily on you. It's not pleasant really. Why try and make someone feel worse, when they already feel bad. I don't get it.

Aquamarine1029 · 15/08/2023 17:56

Fallingthroughclouds · 15/08/2023 17:42

We all make mistakes. In the disaster that is my life this is nothing really. Just try and forget about it. You're hurt and feel excluded, it's OK to feel like that. Try and ignore all the people who are coming down heavily on you. It's not pleasant really. Why try and make someone feel worse, when they already feel bad. I don't get it.

The op sent that snarky text to try and make these people feel bad and to put a damper on their evening out. She did this maliciously. I'll reserve my sympathy for an occasion more deserving.

Cosycover · 15/08/2023 18:03

Well you certainly gave them something to talk about.

BrightGreenMoonBuggy · 15/08/2023 18:07

The only thing to do here is pretend there was no snark intended at all and be lovely and cheerful next time you see them all. Your colleague can read into the text all they like but when they next see you at work, totally minimise it. You have no grump with them. That’s the only thing you can do now.

Fallingthroughclouds · 15/08/2023 18:11

Aquamarine1029 · 15/08/2023 17:56

The op sent that snarky text to try and make these people feel bad and to put a damper on their evening out. She did this maliciously. I'll reserve my sympathy for an occasion more deserving.

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I don't think it was particularly malicious, it came out of a place of hurt, which she expressed undesirably. Was it right, no, do I feel sympathy for someone in pain yes. Trying to make people feel worse when they are already low comes across as more malicious, than an ill advised text but I accept not everyone agrees.

Janieforever · 15/08/2023 18:15

Just put it behind you op. Style it out, go into work all smiles. Act like it was innocent. Make a comment about what you were doing, like,,”groan,,I was just shopping, so jel, did you have fun” with a lol and move away. Act all happy as you do it.

the truth is you can’t guilt trip people into being your friend or inviting you out. It has the opposite effect. It creates barriers and discomfort.

I get you were jealous and feeling left out and wanted to be part of it, but in this context having a go wasn’t the way to deal with it.

as said, go in and style it out. Act all jolly. Effectively make them think it was innocent, it’s the only way, or it will become a bit of an elephant in the room and they will think negatively.

HarrietJet · 15/08/2023 18:19

Make a comment about what you were doing, like,,”groan,,I was just shopping, so jel, did you have fun” with a lol and move away. Act all happy as you do it
God almighty, why? This is just continuing to make a big deal of not being included, when there's not a single reason op should have been. It would make her sound slightly obsessed.

Janieforever · 15/08/2023 18:23

HarrietJet · 15/08/2023 18:19

Make a comment about what you were doing, like,,”groan,,I was just shopping, so jel, did you have fun” with a lol and move away. Act all happy as you do it
God almighty, why? This is just continuing to make a big deal of not being included, when there's not a single reason op should have been. It would make her sound slightly obsessed.

But ignoring it is worse, they all know. Christ most folks in here spotted it was pa immediately before she even said. So acting like it wasn’t can get thr heat off, ok maybe not say that, but acting all happy and like it was nothing is defo the way forward.

Verystressedsenmum · 15/08/2023 18:29

letmeletyougo · 15/08/2023 15:16

I messaged because I felt hurt

Then you messaged because you expected a response ? But would it be the response you’d want ? .
did you think oh so sorry we didn’t invite you ?
to me they either a) didn’t think ,b) didn’t care c) just want to go out together as more friendly .
if it’s a & c you’ve made her feel bad and very awkward if it’s b then unlikely to respond because they don’t care and didn’t want you there .
perhaps ask directly or just say give me a heads up next time I’d be up for going out .saying have a nice evening sounds arsey .

Aquamarine1029 · 15/08/2023 18:30

Janieforever · 15/08/2023 18:15

Just put it behind you op. Style it out, go into work all smiles. Act like it was innocent. Make a comment about what you were doing, like,,”groan,,I was just shopping, so jel, did you have fun” with a lol and move away. Act all happy as you do it.

the truth is you can’t guilt trip people into being your friend or inviting you out. It has the opposite effect. It creates barriers and discomfort.

I get you were jealous and feeling left out and wanted to be part of it, but in this context having a go wasn’t the way to deal with it.

as said, go in and style it out. Act all jolly. Effectively make them think it was innocent, it’s the only way, or it will become a bit of an elephant in the room and they will think negatively.

This would make the op look like a total weirdo. Her work mates aren't stupid, they would clearly be able to see how fake a spectacle like that is.

LifeExperience · 15/08/2023 18:38

Your colleagues are not obligated to socialize with you, only to be polite and cooperative in the workplace. You were way out of line.

FortheBeautyoftheEarth · 16/08/2023 12:07

blackbeardsballsack · 15/08/2023 16:32

I may or may not have taken it as a snarky message, but even if I took it at face value I wouldn't have replied as I wouldn't have thought it needed a reply/would have forgotten about it.

Exactly! It's kind of a nothing message to me really. I wouldn't think much about it if I got that.

FortheBeautyoftheEarth · 16/08/2023 12:20

Fallingthroughclouds · 15/08/2023 17:42

We all make mistakes. In the disaster that is my life this is nothing really. Just try and forget about it. You're hurt and feel excluded, it's OK to feel like that. Try and ignore all the people who are coming down heavily on you. It's not pleasant really. Why try and make someone feel worse, when they already feel bad. I don't get it.

Yeah I agree. So much drama. Anyone would think she'd done something really awful. It was just a silly one line text! Even if people do get that it was passive aggressive/snarky, are they really going to hold onto it? People tend to forget and move on.

I personally wouldn't create a post about something like this but obviously she knows she committed a bit of a faux pas (emotionally driven), feels bad about it and came on here looking for...reassurance I guess.

People will get over it and move on. They may have already forgotton tbf. But if they haven't - who gives a rat's ass? It's just a few colleagues, it sounds like there are more people in your team. Just keep being friendly and professional and there's not a lot they can say really.

WallaceinAnderland · 16/08/2023 13:17

That's embarrassing OP and I agree they probably all thought wtf when they got it.

Not sure how you can come back from it now though as I can't think of anything you could say to make it better other than complete honesty which would make you sound pushy and needy.

It's a cringe, that's for sure but if your colleagues are generally chilled and good humoured, they might be ok and overlook it.

If you ignore it will just become the elephant in the room so I do think it's worth saying something. At least then you can put it behind you. Good luck.

SuperBurgers · 16/08/2023 15:04

letmeletyougo · 15/08/2023 15:16

I messaged because I felt hurt

You can feel hurt without lashing out. You really shouldnt have done this OP, not only have you made yourself look bitchy, they are likely to have sat there and talked about you after, which I doubt they'd have been doing before. I personally wouldnt have wanted that for myself, I really cant see why you thought this was a good idea. You should apologise and admit that you acted impulsively because you were upset. I think thats the only way you'll get close to not being a bit of a laughing stock here.

Frogmila · 16/08/2023 15:36

Don't apologise, don't mention it, don't make an excuse. Act as though you meant it as a simple good wish if asked. I would have taken it at face value from a colleague with no other lead up.

VictoriaVenkman · 16/08/2023 18:52

@letmeletyougo How are you feeling today OP?