Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband annoyed over teaching etiquette

104 replies

ClassicStripe · 15/08/2023 08:17

This year only me and one other colleague have swapped classrooms. That meant that we were the only people who needed to prep our rooms. Everyone else just had a little bit of house keeping to do.
For this reason, I have gone in to school to work on my room 3 times over the holidays. NOTE: not once has my husband had to look after our children while I'm there nor has it made a jot of difference to his schedule.

Last night he got really angry with me about going in to school in the holidays. He said I shouldn't be doing it and should do it in September (When? We have two full days of training and then the kids are back in!). He was really cross with me for not taking a stand and refusing to sort my classroom in the holidays.
This has made me feel so fed up as obviously I would rather not go in but the classroom needs to be up to standards for the class to come back in. I find it so frustrating that he can't see it from my point of view at all and just insinuates I'm weak for going in.
For what it's worth, he works in the private sector and gets paid a nice amount for over time and has some really good perks.

OP posts:
PuttingDownRoots · 15/08/2023 08:20

Does he think that teachers get all school holidays off?
3 days in 6 weeks is hardly overworked... (not that teachers don't work hard, more that a few days preparing for a new term is pretty standard....)

Lkahsvtv · 15/08/2023 08:20

I don’t understand why he’d get so angry; I might grumble about some of DHs works expectations but couldn’t get myself angry over it.
Also most teachers I know have gone in over the holidays for similar and especially in primary schools a lot of effort seems to go into changing a classroom ready for a new year

BoogieWonderlandfibbed · 15/08/2023 08:22

Does he think you’re being taken advantage of? If he isn’t expected to work on holidays why should you type of thing?

AllAboardTootToot · 15/08/2023 08:22

Id politely tell him to kindly go intercourse himself! (Reword for the version I would actually say 😂)

BibbleandSqwauk · 15/08/2023 08:22

No he's being an idiot, especially as it has had no.impact on him. I'll be going in this week to refresh my boards, generally tidy and clear the decks and I also have some schemes of work to create. Maybe you need to ask him what his day of work would be like if he walked into a six hour meeting with no notes, preparation, presentation or forethought?

PuppyMonkey · 15/08/2023 08:23

Does he also think you shouldn’t mark homework or prepare lessons in the evening etc as that’s you being taken for a mug? Grin

PrincessesRUs · 15/08/2023 08:23

Tell him to fuck off - I go in loads in the holidays - I love the peace of getting sorted in my own time, getting on top of filing, sorting, some in depth planning etc etc

Zonder · 15/08/2023 08:23

As a classroom teacher I used to always spend at least 3 days of the summer holidays in school. It's pretty normal. What's it matter to him if it doesn't affect him?

90yomakeuproom · 15/08/2023 08:25

My husband is like this. I am in SLT too so he doesn't understand that nobody is making teachers go into school. I don't know about you, but it's something I like to do to be ahead of the game in September. I could stay late the first week back to label drawers etc and could have also done that in July but I didn't fancy it. I explain it to my husband that it's my choice to be extra prepared m, nobody is telling me to do it.

Wenfy · 15/08/2023 08:26

He probably doesn’t get it. Him getting paid for every minute of overtime suggests he probably doesn’t have a professional job. Most professions have some degree of unpaid overtime!

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 15/08/2023 08:26

What on earth is his problem?! It has nothing to do with him. Tell him to butt out.

modgepodge · 15/08/2023 08:30

I actually do think it is unreasonable teachers have to do this, but that’s another story. (Different if you want to of course, when I was an NQT I loved setting up my classroom!) It seems to be established practice that teachers have to do this. I agree, there’s no way it can be left til September unless you want to be there til 10pm on the inset days and feel like everything is a mad rush. My current school now always give at least a half day to classroom prep time during inset days at the start of term, which is a good start and possibly enough if you were organised in summer term and didn’t move classrooms, otherwise you have to go in.

your husband is being unreasonable though, it’s your job.

BG2015 · 15/08/2023 08:34

I went in for 2 days during the first week of the holidays. It's so nice to tidy out the storeroom, put up new bits on the walls and have a general tidy up without anybody about.

I've just had 2 weeks in Spain and feel rested and looking ahead to September a bit now.

I've also been doing some stuff on my laptop in readiness too (whilst sat in front of Netflix) which is helping me get my head around stuff and I'll go in the last week of the holidays to photocopy stuff and get ready for the first week.

There aren't many teachers who don't go into school at some point of the holidays. If you're an experienced teacher surely he knows this.

PumpkinPie2016 · 15/08/2023 08:38

I'm a teacher and HoD of a core subject in secondary.

I popped into school twice before I came away on holiday - once to tidy my lab/displays up and the second to check some equipment orders that had arrived. I will probably go in for one more day for the rest of the orders/to print my dept handbook for my team/sort any start of term bits.

I don't have to go in, but, like you, I have two INSET days which are crammed with training/meetings and then the kids are back in, so, if I don't do it now, it will be a complete nightmare in September. Plus, I don't want my team to be stressed out because things aren't ready.

I think, unfortunately, some people (such as your DH) don't understand that once term starts, it's very intense and time to do additional jobs is very limited.

Incidentally, who does he think ensures his children have welcoming classrooms/resources ready in September? I wonder when he thinks it all happens?

continentallentil · 15/08/2023 08:43

Just point out that you get paid over the school holidays, and the expectation is you do some work - unsurprisingly because if you took them all off you’d get X weeks as opposed to the typical 6 weeks.

Fotophrame · 15/08/2023 08:50

continentallentil · 15/08/2023 08:43

Just point out that you get paid over the school holidays, and the expectation is you do some work - unsurprisingly because if you took them all off you’d get X weeks as opposed to the typical 6 weeks.

Being paid isn't the reason. It's being prepared and taking pride in the job, and necessity. OP has already worked the hours paid for in August during the academic year.

Zonder · 15/08/2023 08:51

continentallentil · 15/08/2023 08:43

Just point out that you get paid over the school holidays, and the expectation is you do some work - unsurprisingly because if you took them all off you’d get X weeks as opposed to the typical 6 weeks.

Controversial! Teachers get paid over the school holidays but don't technically get paid for the holidays.

RosaGallica · 15/08/2023 08:56

It’s not just a matter of etiquette. Sorting the classroom is your job. It’s why you get paid more than teaching assistants. You husband needs to understand the requirements of the higher pay, and then get behind campaigns to raise it for the whole sector if he doesn’t agree. Term time only working is for TA pay.

Ragwort · 15/08/2023 08:57

Some people, and your DH sounds like one of them, just don't understand that people can have pride in their work and doing a good job. I often pop into my place work (not a teacher) in my own time, not because anyone 'expects' me to ... but for my own personal satisfaction... I don't just work for 'money' ... I do it because I love my job and it gives me genuine satisfaction. But people who don't 'get' that just can't understand it ... and no amount of explaining will help.
Your DH sounds quite controlling as if he expects you to be 'available' for him and not prioritise him.

TooManyPlatesInMotion · 15/08/2023 09:01

He's being unreasonable. 3 days out of 6 weeks, when it doesn't impact him, is no big deal.

My dh is a teacher (secondary) and slt. Will be in this week for a-levels and next for gcses.

Does his job never require him to do a bit extra?

Prelapsarianhag · 15/08/2023 09:04

Sounds like he is using it as a stick to beat you with. Tell him to feck off and mind his own business.

Fifireee · 15/08/2023 09:06

I love getting my classroom ready. It would be awful to leave it until September. So stressful.

EhrlicheFrau · 15/08/2023 09:06

YANBU (he is though).

Mumdiva99 · 15/08/2023 09:07

I went in the week after we closed to finish office work. There was one teacher in all 3 days sorting his new room. Many teachers in for 2 days....either sorting out or having planning meetings. Many will go in before the TT days to do more. It's quite normal.
Only thing is if it happens to you again that you have to move rooms and no one else does...see if you can ask for extra ppa last week of term to pack up the old room. In our school this was given.

greglet · 15/08/2023 09:08

He's an idiot. I make a point of working as little as possible in the holidays, and I’m going in on Thursday (results day) and the day before INSET to sort my office out and make sure I can hit the ground running in the new year. Having to work a few days out of the summer is totally standard!