Parents penalised for formula feeding

[thechristmaspudding]

I just wanted to open up a discussion to find out the perspectives of other parents on this subject. I would also be interested to hear the opinions of midwives, health visitors and other health care professionals involved with families.
To give a bit of background information, I am a member of the Boots parenting club, which has many parents are likely to be aware gives you access to discounts and offers on baby related items in store. I went into my local boots today to buy my son's formula, hoping to get a good deal as I had been notified of an offer in store. Now, in my sleep deprived state I did not read the offer properly and it did clearly state that it was an offer for follow on formula and not infant first. The cashier was very polite and explained that due to government regulations shops are not legally allowed to offer discounts on infant first formula due to the government expectation that breastfeeding should be encouraged for the first six months. To be clear, I am not taking issue with Boots or any other shop, but it got me questioning whether this is fair? No, I do not believe that formula companies should be able to dissuade women from breastfeeding through aggressive marketing campaigns that encourage parents to buy their product. But surely parents have the right to weigh up the pros and cons of bottle feeding and make an informed choice that reflects the needs and circumstances of their own family? I tried really, really hard to breastfeed but found it extremely difficult and due to a lack of postnatal support gave up (the inadequate breastfeeding support in this country is another issue in itself). This is something I still regret and struggle with. However, my personal experience aside, formula feeding is a valid choice to make whether parents decide to feed this way from birth or at a later stage.
I also remember watching an episode of dispatches a few years ago on how due to the cost of formula many families resort to watering down their baby's feed or even to stealing. This is a situation that is likely to have worsened as a result of the cost of living crisis.
So my question is, AIBU in thinking that it is wrong to penalise bottle-feeding parents when it comes to the cost of formula?

Thats the point. It’s only straightforward if you can do it. If there are any difficulties it’s not straightforward. For some it comes easy, for others it does not.

“breastfeeding privilege” refers to those who were able to do it. And yes “poo privilege” would be the same. To those who cannot do it, who require support, intervention etc etc looking at those who can do it with ease, that’s a privilege.

Are you oblivious to this whole thread or something. Nobody owes you an explanation as to why they don't breastfeed it isn't any or your business. How would you know if someone has persevered? how long is long enough in your books? You sound quite judgmental yourself.

People usually justify themselves when someone else is getting on to them about something and they feel attacked. Ring any 🔔

WTAF have I just read? Women should be grateful that they were discriminated against, made fun of, belittled, and made to feel worthless because ‘they were doing what was best for their baby’. Bullshit!! Some of us actually value our feelings and no it didn’t make it all OK to have shitty comment aimed at us.

And with the greatest of respect of you really are crying yourself to sleep because you couldnt breastfeed - that really isn’t healthy and I think it would help if you spoke to someone who could make you feel better about what happened. (Rather than tell women online that they should feel good about people being shitty towards them)

And yet formula feeders can tell breastfeeders they should be delighted at being discriminated against.

Imagine if that were the other way around!

One formula feeder, to be fair.

I chose to FF my first, and some of the things people said to me, were illuminating. I had more than one friend, (who had told people they wanted to bf) that they were relieved when bf didnt work for them, as they didn't really want to do it, but felt pressured to 'try'.

I think there's a huge amount of pressure on new mums to say that bf didnt work out because its more socially acceptable than saying they chose to FF. For many its somewhere in between, where the trying is aspirational, but without enough drive to make it work if it isn't easy (just like I do with diets and exercise every January 😂).

Obviously some women try incredibly hard and have to eventually conceed defeat for their health and that of their babies. I don't think that's really a true choice of theirs.

In the same way, I accidentally BF my second (for 2.5y). It WAS my choice because I could have refused, and eventually my baby would have accepted a bottle after a lot of distress, but it wasnt a true choice of mine.

Sometimes we are strongarmed into decision that weren't what we wanted, but are for the best.

See I don’t get this. I breastfeed and so do some of my friends, but I couldn’t care less about those that formula feed or why. Not my baby, not my business. I’ve never met anyone (except for online) who is sanctimonious about it. The only time I’ve met wankers in real life was a doctor who told me not to use formula (I won’t say why on here) and all the people who give me stares or their opinion on the fact I still breastfeed my 3 year old - but I couldn’t care less, not their baby (well, not a baby anymore), not their business.

Are people in real life really giving shit to formula feeding mums? I just don’t get why? It’s not their child so who cares? And by the time they reach school you couldn’t tell which kid has been breastfed and which hasn’t?!

This explains it well.
There's a lot of middle class educated assumption on this thread.

Also breastfeeding is definitely not free. The mother needs to eat more for a start but also the cost of bras, pumps, nipple cream, lactation consultants, milk storage bags, etc adds up. Plus many people still use bottles and sterilisers as well.

I've done both so I know everything . Personally I much preferred breastfeeding because it was easier once I got the hang of it, especially post section. It was so much easier to scoop the baby out of his cot and latch him on than go and sterilize everything when I had just had a section.

Branding doesn't really matter with baby stuff

I hate to tell you, but even the "recommended by other mums" will have been a marketing strategy at some point. There are people who teach and study the psychology of marketing. Branding isn't just the adverts. It's the price, the packaging, the subtly sponsored articles in parenting magazines, the subliminal messaging that we don't even register (take the phrase "breast is best" that several people have mentioned here - a phrase that was actually developed by a formula company to quietly suggest that breastfeeding is an almost unachievable gold standard..). Huge amounts of money goes in to researching how best to influence people's purchasing decisions, and if word of mouth is deemed most effective, then they'll be making damn sure their product is the one being recommended by all your mum friends.

Sorry, that was @Blossomtoes. I’m not being critical or disbelieving what you say I just can’t get my head round it.

You’re too nice that’s why. Trust me I had my share of being sneered at.

Breastfeeding is a skill. It has to be learned. It took me 2 babies, nipples shields, copious amounts of lanolin, and paracetamol before I mastered it. It comes easier to some than others, but it has to be learned none the less. Other cultures are exposed to breastfeeding all their lives, so they've already had "lessons." Whereas I had never seen breastfeeding close up until I was trying to feed my own baby.
Breastfeeding is not a privilege. It is a skill, and it is an achievement. But it absolutely does not make a superior mother.

👏👏👏

Why don’t you suggest to the companies who market infant formula to charge less and make less profit so that families buying it pay less? I’m sure they will happily do this.

Why don’t you suggest to the companies who market infant formula to charge less and make less profit so that families buying it pay less? I’m sure they will happily do this.

WTAF.

If you have a brain, you observe and retain the brand names of anything you see, it doesn't mean you but it or don't think it's crap.

There are plenty of people who will have seen formula brands in eg relative's houses but not formula fed themselves.

In general, I'm aware of the brand names of cigarettes, chocolate, washing powder etc I don't smoke, I eat only 70% cocoa fair trade chocolate, and I buy whatever the cheapest or most readily available eco brand of washing detergent I can get a hold of. Being aware of the brand names of anything does not make me affected by their marketing.

I completely disagree. When I was well it was a breeze, no issues at all. A LOT easier than formula feeding. Had I not been in intensive care for my other child I would never have gone through the effort of formula.

I'm not sure it does always have to be learned. As I mentioned upthread, my baby essentially strongarmed me into breastfeeding. I knew nothing about holds or latches, baby just helped herself and got on with it. It was mentally difficult (especially as I was desperate for her to take a bottle), but physically there was no learning curve. I tried to jepardise my supply, and I couldn't even.

I appreciate that my experience may be unusual, and is very much 'breastfeeding privilege'. I appreciate that for most women its difficult at first, but there's also a huge range, and sometimes it just happens. For others it won't, irrespective of effort.

I’m really sorry. That’s so shit. And as I say, it just doesn’t matter by the time they get to school, you wouldn’t know who was and who wasn’t. Such a weird flex.

If you have a brain, you observe and retain the brand names of anything you see

Yes - because you’re being marketed to in a way you remember.

Dont be offended by it - we are ALL susceptible to marketing

Do you think marketing only works if 100% of the population buy the product?

it the who that have implemented these rules and I actually agree with them. it stops parents buying the cheapest each week and switching brands. also the damage that has happened in the past especially China.
aptamil and cow and gate are different recipes you need to look at at the ingredients specifically to see it. it's also the likes of tescos etc that set the price. the law only states you can't sell below cost. so the retailer is buying at cost price and then putting their mark up on that in trh shops. it's not an easy product to make if it was there would be loads more brands producing it. aldi have their own brand however you don't see tescos etc having their own brand do you ? manufacturing is heavily regulated and audited by every health board. its as close to phrama standards as food will eve be. they also make a load of specialised milk such as pre term allergies to protein lactose intolerant etc all which help babies get fed. I do however disagree with the huge bashing ff mamies get. I have worked in prevosie life with people who can't breastfed fir whatever reason and suffered so badly mental health wise. the shame they carried and judgement they felt was shocking. and it came from women. why on earth why ? shown also in this thread no one whatsoever should be judged and shamed by it. we should be celebrating the fact that you have brought life into teh world and are tenderly going through teh beginning stages of your child's life. we are lucky to live in a country where we have a choice and shouldn't shame anyone for their choice whatever it is. there is a blogger I follow who has spoken candidly that she has chosen to ff and that's her choice. but the vile messages she got from people about it was pure spiteful. its your choice and do not let anyone make you feel shameful for it

Great if it does come that naturally to some. I still thoroughly disagree that it's a privilege. Even if the struggle is only mental, even if it's easy to establish, it requires dedication and commitment from the mother alone that formula feeding doesn't. I don't see why you wouldn't consider that an achievement.

Great idea 🤣