To think hotels are very child unfriendly

[Ontheclifftop]

We've just come back from a weekend away in a hotel with dd aged 5 and ds aged 3. Three incidents really made me realise how unwelcoming hotels are to young families:

1. When we were checking in after a long drive the kids were letting off a bit of steam. I know how that sounds, but they were just running around a bit, not getting in anyone's way or anything. Two people who were sitting on couches reading newspapers got up and left, one sighing heavily and one giving us a dirty look.
2. At about 7ish the following morning we got a call from reception to say the people in the next room were complaining about the noise. Again I know how that sounds, but dd and ds were playing quietly with some teddies. DS let out one squeal of excited laughing but other than that they were perfectly fine.
3. Following that call I said I'd take them down to the swimming pool as I knew it opened early. When I got down the attendant said it was adult only between 7.30 and 9.00. I explained about the phone call and pointed out there were only 2 people in the pool and I'd do my best to ensure we'd stay down at the shallow end and not get in their way. But he refused to let us in.

The whole thing really pissed me off. What are you supposed to do with young children in a hotel? If they play quietly in the room someone complains. If you try to use the facilities to keep them occupied, you're told you can't.

AIBU to feel hotels are just totally unwelcoming to young families nowadays?

In the UK generally its only a hotel room, once the children are asleep (typically in the same room or with a small divide in family rooms) there is no where to go!
I can't leave a 1 and a 4 year old in a room on their own without being able to check on them. The baby monitor range is quite limited so DH and I have the choice of 1 of us going down to the lounge area whilst the other sits in a dimly lit/dark room or we both do!
There is rarely a balcony we can sit on!

Abroad well it depends on the hotel but again not all have balconies especially if staying in a city so again not a lot of choice.

@takealettermsjones you said "In an apartment you would go into the living room. In a hotel room you can't do that" which I simply said wasn't the case. Don't be bitter 😆

Mmm. Not sure if there is more to this than you are letting on but -

1. After a long drive if we knew DD would need to "let off steam " one of us would check in and the other would take her for a walk/explore outside. Unless it's an explicitly family geared hotel then actually any running around in reception isn't ok.
2. Maybe your neighbors were unreasonable here but I know in the few times in my life iv complained like this I'm generally at the end of my tether especially if the racket is silly o'clock (am or pm).
3. Hotel weren't being unreasonable not to let you in especially if it's one with a private gym attached as members may specifically want to swim early before work. And I hate to jump to conclusions OP but I'm getting the impression your children would have been pretty noisy and boisterous. Hence why they can't go on when it's adults only.

Tbh 2 of the issues were not from the hotel
Itself it was from other guests who could have complained if it’d had been the most family friendly hotel in the world. Just because your kids want to let off steam doesn’t mean other want to hear it.

the swimming rule is just a standard rule that they had, early morning swims are lovely and I’d be annoyed at getting a swim in before a day ahead because kids were bombing the pool
and getting in the way.

I say all this with 2 kids btw, the hotel wasn’t a fault really.

@Scottishskifun there's loads of UK hotels that offer family rooms with separate bedrooms & lounge areas that specifically target families. I posted some examples upthread.

Out of school time is pretty cheap. This for example. https://www.haven.com/search-results/holidays/details/RP/SAV2?accommodationSubType=caravan_saver&accommodationType=Caravan&adults=2&children=2&dogs=0&duration=3&holidayType=&id=SAV2-RP-15%2F09%2F2023-3&month=&numberOfBedrooms=&packageType=HIDEAWAY&parkCode=RP&arrivalDate=2023-09-01&dogFriendly=false&selectedPark=&sort=priceLow&tots=0

This

It seems your children are rowdy, noisy and generate complaints.
Until you acknowledge that, don't book hotels.

So you've had two incidents of your children's behaviour upsetting other guests (who are also paying) and the hotel sticking to a pretty standard policy regarding the pool and access but somehow the hotel are at fault?

What exactly do you think the hotel can do about people removing themselves from an area because they don't like your children 'letting off steam'? Tell the other guests they're not allowed to move or tell them off for their attitude so that your feelings aren't hurt?

This is typical of a growing number of people who can't share space with others reasonably and considerately and then take it out on the hosts (in this case the hotel) when they're asked to behave in a considerate way towards others and not disturb them. Take some responsibility for yourself and your children and accept that if you disturb other people, then that's on you, not the hotel you're staying in.

People are intolerable of any disturbance that's excessive or inappropriate to the environment. So a rowdy group of adults in an otherwise peaceful pub would absolutely be subject to raised eyebrows from those wanting a quiet drink.
However I do think some of the intolerance arises from the gradual erosion of adult only spaces. At one time children and pubs were entirely separate things, so the problem wouldn't have occurred. Obviously parents are fully entitled to take children to pubs now they are permitted to, but given there is a huge choice of places that are both more fun and more geared up for children to enjoy, it does beg the question why they want to.

I think the key is planning in advance. Ds is 13 but he is also autistic with ADHD. He loves staying in hotels so I plan to make it possible.

we stop somewhere nearby to let him run off some energy if needed if the place we are staying doesn’t have an outdoor area.

i check the timings of anything we may want so I can plan around that and make sure we get there at a time that works for him.

i make sure the room we book has a bath as for him that’s a calming activity (not for all children obviously!)

for the mornings (he is a 5am kind of child!) I make sure he has a charged iPad available and I am always prepared ready for an early morning walk somewhere if needed - earlier this year we were walking around Cardiff bay at 6am!

it’s not particularly relaxing for me but the planning makes sure he can enjoy the break while also ensuring others aren’t disturbed by us.

Absolutely!

Even if you just found a quiet safe corner and of the reception and played there (a few toys/puzzle/good old Rock Paper Scissors) it's quite possible to have your kids there without them getting under other peoples feet.

I think it’s your management of your DC that is unreasonable.

1. Don’t let your DC run around reception. Obviously they will disturb others. One of you needs to take them outside to “let off steam” whilst the other checks in.
2. Obviously if the room next door complained, your DC were being noisy. One loud squeal is enough to wake other paying guests up, and spoil their relaxing holiday. Take your DC outside if they’re being noisy.
3. As for demanding that the hotel changes its pool times and policy to suit you and your DC, come on! You know that is beyond entitled.

The walls must be incredibly thin to be heard next door

Or possibly the DCs are incredibly loud? After all we all get used to our own DCs' noise up to a point, but how they sound to us and how that comes across to others can differ - especially if they happen to be shriekers

We can't know about this particular family's noise or sense of entitlement because we weren't there, but I'd suggest expecting the pool attendants to bend the rules just for them may be a clue

I think it depends on the hotel OP.
I always took mine to Premier Inns - family friendly, cheap and cheerful, no one taking their stay particularly seriously, people expecting cheap food, cheap room, no frills etc. A bit of noise and inconvenience goes with the territory.

However, if I saved up my money and booked a weekend with DP in a lovely posh hotel for a luxury peaceful break, I’d be pretty pissed off if there were young kids running around in reception, or if I was being woken early in the morning. And I’d expect a peaceful child-free swim at the designated times.

Yes YABU.

When the children get to the room they can let off some steam or in the grounds of the hotel not the reception area. I wouldn’t be letting my kids run around here.

In hotels people like to have lie ins so I’d have done my best to keep the children quieter.

YABVVVU about the adult only swimming. Those people currently in the pool will have woken up early to not be disturbed by children so no you don’t just get to go in. I was at a spa hotel last weekend and I missed the adult only sessions and omg the kids in the pool were so noisy! So if I’d specifically booked and woken up for adult only I’d be incredibly pissed off of children were there.

Next time book a properly kids friendly hotel. No not all hotels are particularly kid friendly as they can be quite formal settings. This is why I think holiday cottages are better for families.

Pubs are not made for children I absolutely would would be rolling my eyes at kids making a nuisance of themselves in a pub.

There aren't loads - there are some but if you need to be in a particular location, it's not always possible to find one

What are you on about? Bitter how? You asked what a post meant and I explained it, what's the problem?

In a hotel room you cannot go into a different room. The clue's kind of in the name. In a hotel suite you can, yes. Again I don't really care, I was just trying to help you out since you asked.

I agree with @Mothership4two I've had negative reactions towards DDs being well-behaved in pubs eating a meal when tables of adults are definitely more than capable of making a nuisance of themselves. I used to be a waitress in a dining pub. Drunk lairy men were far more of a problem.

1. Hotel reception areas aren’t for kids to let off steam. Distract them with a phone / iPad if there’s not another adult to wrangle them while you check in.
2. It’s unlikely the other guests made a noise complaint on the basis of one squeal. 7am is too early to disturb other guests.
3. Sounds like kids have from 9am onwards to use the pool, it’s not unreasonable for some time to be set aside for adults only.

Really?! I’ve never come across a half decent hotel that didn’t have suites. Whether or not you want to pay the money for them is another matter though, because they’re usually very expensive.

I don't think it was the hotel that was the problem here.

I've also had negative reactions about my eldest laughing/giggling while sitting at a table... in a Wacky Warehouse pub, at 4:30pm. That's fair game for giggling children in my book!

depends on the hotel I guess. I have always found Premier Inn, Hilton, Marriot & Sheraton family friendly. Travelodge and Ibis can be hit and miss sometimes admittedly