To think hotels are very child unfriendly

[Ontheclifftop]

We've just come back from a weekend away in a hotel with dd aged 5 and ds aged 3. Three incidents really made me realise how unwelcoming hotels are to young families:

1. When we were checking in after a long drive the kids were letting off a bit of steam. I know how that sounds, but they were just running around a bit, not getting in anyone's way or anything. Two people who were sitting on couches reading newspapers got up and left, one sighing heavily and one giving us a dirty look.
2. At about 7ish the following morning we got a call from reception to say the people in the next room were complaining about the noise. Again I know how that sounds, but dd and ds were playing quietly with some teddies. DS let out one squeal of excited laughing but other than that they were perfectly fine.
3. Following that call I said I'd take them down to the swimming pool as I knew it opened early. When I got down the attendant said it was adult only between 7.30 and 9.00. I explained about the phone call and pointed out there were only 2 people in the pool and I'd do my best to ensure we'd stay down at the shallow end and not get in their way. But he refused to let us in.

The whole thing really pissed me off. What are you supposed to do with young children in a hotel? If they play quietly in the room someone complains. If you try to use the facilities to keep them occupied, you're told you can't.

AIBU to feel hotels are just totally unwelcoming to young families nowadays?

Oh come on. Just hand over an ipad at 7am on holiday

dont be a hero and go swimming at the crack of dawn

Totally off topic, but god I love Jumbo!

No one chooses to spend their time with 3 children under 6 in a blood shopping centre for the fun of it.

They really do. Oddly (to me) LOADS of parents do. I have no idea why - it is my idea of hell on earth, but so many parents do.

You're being unreasonable here OP.

To be fair if I went away I'd be annoyed if kids were making noise next door at 7am. 11pm-9am should be quiet as others need to sleep.

Also when you said they were 'letting off steam' were they running around during check in? Kids shouldn't be running around inside, especially a hotel. Could you or your partner not have taken them to a park while other filled in the check in forms? If you did a long car journey I would have stopped at a play park just over half way there so they can let off steam. I find this works best for us.

Most swimming pools are open for adults only in the morning. They probably advertised it for adults only so people could do some laps. They will be quite strict on this as they probably need more lifeguards working for when it's child friendly hours.

As I mam myself, I've started avoiding hotels and we book self catering caravans or pods. I find it a lot less stressful for me and my daughter as I don't have to worry about her annoying anyone else but me.

I work at a hotel myself and I can almost guarantee if children were making noise before 8am people would be ringing up reception complaining and leaving bad reviews on the internet.

Ultimately it just comes down to being considerate of other members of society

This sums up the whole thread really.
I love the phrase 'situational awareness' - that is the whole point. Whether we are talking about hotels, supermarkets, train stations, or any other situation. It is about being aware of others around you and not being so damned selfish as to think the whole of the rest of the world revolves around you, and your situation.

Over the years we’ve spent hundreds of nights in hotels with our five children and never had complaints that we were disturbing anyone. We’ve never allowed our children to “let off steam” in the lobby and have never had a call to our room. Even when our kids were babies and toddlers. We have planned appropriate ways to wind our kids down that don’t make people leave off reading in the lobby and have chosen our accommodations to give us the greatest chance of a successful vacation.

Usually, one of us would go inside to check us in and take our stuff up to the room while the other waits in the car with the kids. When finished, we all go somewhere for the kids to unwind/burn off excess energy before returning to the hotel for bedtime. We research and plan before the trip so we know if the hotel has a play area or we need to find a park and we know pool hours in advance so we don’t interrupt adults’ lap swim time.

I tend to keep a “quiet” house, so I am more sensitive to louder child noises than a lot of people. A lot of our friends and relatives have louder households than what we are used to. They don’t consider themselves loud because they are used to it. Most likely, the OP is used to her children being loud at home, so what she considered quiet play was actually disturbing to their neighbors. There is no other reason for someone to place an early morning call to the front desk complaining about the noise.

At this point, I don’t know if the OP is coming back or still reading. Just in case she is, allowing your children to disturb other guests in a hotel is unreasonable. As parents, we might not find our children annoying, but other adults may. We need to ensure that our children behave in a way that is appropriate to the environment they are in. While there is always a chance of running into a grump who doesn’t believe children should be in public no matter how well they behave, this isn’t one of those instances. In the future, better planning and choices will ensure that you have a lovely vacation without having to field complaints and dirty looks related to your parenting.

I recently came across the expression to "match your energy to your surroundings", which I found helpful to assess my kids' behaviour in public. Although for them I tend to phrase it as matching their volume.

Reading the room is not innate to all of us (my entire extended family are probably ND) so we're adopting the habit of occasionally pausing and checking new surroundings.

It helps, if you can't tell whether you're being appropriate.

I'm sorry that sounds stressful but it sounds like you chose the wrong hotel. Next time choose a child friendly hotel, they definitely exist.

You are completely agreeing though that hotels aren’t particularly child friendly.

What you describe is what I found with young children and it wasn’t relaxing for anyone. It’s why a lot of people choose self catering/ camping etc.

SOunds like you might be oblivious to the behaviour of your own kids... the 7am one - perhaps you weren't as quiet as you thought, or did the kids make a racket the night before and they thought your squealing was them?
As for the hotel pool - adults need some time too, kids can take over a hotel pool... the hotel isn't going to shift a whole policy just for you.
When we stayed at hotels when the kids were little in a city - ie not one with out door space, outdoor pool, kids pool or garden - we would pick one near a park or green space.
Many times one of us was up and out with the kids at 6/7am at the local park because of course they'll get bored in a room.

You probably need to choose accommodation more carefully. And as for hotels where you can hear other guests - I've been woken up more by drunken adults or people coming and going really late, or getting up early to leave tan I ever have by kids! Hotels are like that.

They really do. Oddly (to me) LOADS of parents do. I have no idea why - it is my idea of hell on earth, but so many parents do.
Probably the same people who think A&E is a family outing.

I remember being taken into town most weekends to browse the shops as a child and there's a lot of people who do that. I don't understand dragging young children round adult clothing stores and then letting them run wild. Apparently browsing the shops is some people's idea of fun.

Well said

🙄

I don’t stay at a hotel to be woken up at 7 in the morning, have kids running anywhere. Hotels unless otherwise stated like a theme hotel are adult places where adults spend lots of money to get away from things like that.

@jolaylasofia: if you have a nervy dog then i probably wouldn't use a hotel at all. you are just as likely to get noisy grown men or women on a night out.

Congratulations. You clearly didn't read a single word of what I wrote.

I don't have a nervous dog. I have a quiet, social happy dog who loves children very much. His favourite thing is to walk past schools and listen to children scream and laugh and he loves when they run over and engage with him. He actually loves meeting people outside cafes on late evening walks who might have had a few drinks and who desperately want to give him a cuddle. He doesn't bat an eye when people hear music next door Saturday night or watch the telly at 2 AM because they come in late. He sleeps through fireworks and thunderstorms.

The only thing that startles him is when small children throw their toys/shoes/themselves against the door in the evening, because some parents think a hotel corridor is a playroom.

He is not the problem.
Entitled parents who don't set boundaries is.

Jesus christ 😆😆

1 they clearly were getting in people's way - it's enough for them to have to leave
2 obviously they were making enough noise to merit a compliant
3 the pool is adults only during that short window - your DC aren't adults

You seem deluded and entitled. You're not the only guests at the hotel. If you want your DC to be able to do run around, making noise, swimming when they like, rent a private place just for you and your family or something that is specifically for families with young DC who think it's OK to arrive and start annoying other guests the minute they step inside the place.

Well... where I live, children are only welcome in the supermarket if they either sit in the trolley or are under control. Meaning: don't throw food around, run into little old ladies with a dodgy hip, scream. I have seen a few families asked to go outside because they let their little terrors run amok while the adults ignored them even when they started opening crispbags (!) If you can't control your kids leave them at home/in the car/in the playground. A supermarket is a place of business, not a fairground

^ 😂 “i had easy kids” - clearly you got through parenting by having very little emotional intelligence. But well done for being awesome and asserting your brilliance in an online forum. Top job.,

that's because most European countries are more enlightened when it comes to children. So many in this country seem to hate children and want them locked up out of their sight at all times.

I call Bingo.

Last time I was in France, which is one of these ‘European countries’ often cited, the French children in the cafes and restaurants sat at the table with their parents and joined in the conversation or ate quietly. They didn’t run around, watch programs or play games at full volume.
So what is different between the uk and European countries?

oh i totally agree with you on that. Dogs are never the problem they are better than humans Sorry i probably did misread. I wasn't being harsh, genuinely worried about the little doggy. I think it's great you take him with you on holiday too, my mom has my dog as a i am abroad and she struggles to travel because the sitter that we trust is really expensive

that's because most European countries are more enlightened when it comes to children. So many in this country seem to hate children and want them locked up out of their sight at all times.
This crops up every time a discussion about poor behaviour happens.

People disliking poor behaviour and permissive parents don't hate children, nor do they want children locked up.🙄

It's highly unlikely all these enlightened Europeans (which covers a huge range of cultures and norms) think it's acceptable for children to shriek, shout, and charge around in any location either.

I really question why some people in the UK take such a big issue with lazy parenting being challenged.

If someone's reaction to people (including parents) objecting to children running wild in shops/cafes, waking other hotel residents before 7am, charging around corridors, etc is to decide people hate children, they need to examine why.

Agreed @Whataretheodds - other children staying in a hotel definitely does not equate to that hotel being family friendly. It just means they allow families to stay there which is a very different kettle of fish.

As others have said, the giveaway to a hotel being family friendly is if they offer things targeted at families such as activities and kids entertainment etc. Even with a kids menu I would never assume that hotel was family friendly without at least one family targeted activity/entertainment/area too.

I have to ask @Ontheclifftop, why was it that it needed both of you to check in rather than one check in and the other take the children outside? Especially as you knew they needed to let off steam after the long drive?

I would have been frustrated with any running, whether around (which you've said didn't happen) or up and down by a wall (which you've said did). Whatever you may think, it's all still running and is very distracting if you're trying to relax or even just concentrate on what you're reading in the paper you said these two people were doing.

Our two are older now but one of us would have always taken them out of the situation (or never put them in it in the first place) if we were presented with it as it's just common sense and common courtesy to others.