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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Could you forgive this ?

74 replies

greatoutlook · 13/08/2023 18:58

New man. Getting on well and having a few dates. He is a gentleman, refined and well mannered in every way.

I've just found out that a few years ago, he was out having g dinner and drinks and got into trouble with police.

He was on medication at the time and drank alcohol. He subsequently
Got so drunk and was verbally abusive to police saying that he could get them fired if needed. He is a successful business man and socialises in business circles.

He was appalled and horrified when he awoke the next morning and told of his behaviour the night before . Rang the police with profuse apologies. He had no recollection f this and nothing before had ever happened to him like that before.
He was charged and went to court where he was fined etc. He , again apologised to the police and the courts for his acts .
I read this on line.
I do not know this man enough to make judgements but from what I've seen and heard, this was all totally out of character .
Would I be mad to pursue this?

OP posts:
Motomum23 · 13/08/2023 19:01

Yeah totally. The police are big enough to deal with a bit of verbal abuse from a drunk A/H. if he had hit his girlfriend or something I'd probably nip it in the bud but this woildnt bother me.

OrigamiOwls · 13/08/2023 19:03

Is he still on that medication and what is his drinking like now?

Original poster
greatoutlook · 13/08/2023 19:11

Not on medication anymore and just a regular drinker from what I can gather . This was after a big night of drinks.

OP posts:
Hiddenvoice · 13/08/2023 19:13

If he is still on medication and drinking then I’d question it but other than that he wasn’t violent and was very honest about it all. I think I’d move on from it but if he was violent or aggressive when drunk then it would be a no for me .

KrisAkabusi · 13/08/2023 19:15

I think it's odd that you feel you need to forgive him. He hasn't done anything to you! He made a mistake a few years ago and learned his lesson by the sounds of it. Wouldn't concern me at all.

GalileoHumpkins · 13/08/2023 19:17

There's nothing for you to forgive, he didn't do anything to you. If this happened a few years ago and he hasn't done anything like it since then it's not a big deal is it?

panko · 13/08/2023 19:19

Did he tell you about this?

LittleAlexHornn · 13/08/2023 19:21

Did he confide this to you, or did you snoop and find it online?

I don't know why you think it's your place to 'forgive' as it doesn't affect you in any way.

Original poster
greatoutlook · 13/08/2023 19:22

He hasn't told me . I googled his name.

OP posts:
multisurface · 13/08/2023 19:23

Forgive is an odd choice of word to use - he didn't do anything to you?

Original poster
greatoutlook · 13/08/2023 19:23

Forgive was a poor choice of words . Perhaps being able to get passed this, would be a better turn of phrase .

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 13/08/2023 19:24

No.
I can't stand people who think they're 'superior' due to their business role, when so often that's actually due to privilege - I think if he behaved like that when drunk it was probably his genuine feelings coming out?

Also, how did you find out?

arethereanyleftatall · 13/08/2023 19:24

Sorry, my bad,just saw you read it online.

usedtobeasizeten · 13/08/2023 19:25

No…not for me.

arethereanyleftatall · 13/08/2023 19:26

Ah, op, youv e written two questions and they contradict each other!! The title and the last line.
So, a yes or no might be responding to either.

Original poster
greatoutlook · 13/08/2023 19:26

Seriously didn't like the threat to the policeman about getting him fired. Thought it was disgusting actually. is this a case of in vino Veritas?

OP posts:
LittleAlexHornn · 13/08/2023 19:26

greatoutlook · 13/08/2023 19:23

Forgive was a poor choice of words . Perhaps being able to get passed this, would be a better turn of phrase .

But there's nothing to get past; was years ago.

Original poster
greatoutlook · 13/08/2023 19:27

Sorry I didn't realise.
Could you get passed a man who behaved like this?

OP posts:
Lkahsvtv · 13/08/2023 19:27

How many years? How did he get in trouble to then have that contact with the police? What was he actually charged with?

arethereanyleftatall · 13/08/2023 19:28

Me? No. In vino veritas

supersonicginandtonic · 13/08/2023 19:29

Everybody makes mistakes in life. He was drunk he apologised. You weren't with him at the time. I think we all say things we don't mean at times too.

I'd just move on.

Busubaba · 13/08/2023 19:29

I might be wrong as I don't drink and have never associated with anyone who drinks to excess, but aren't drunk rantings the things that people actually believe but only say when they have imbibed too much alcohol?

So if he was obnoxious to the police then that's who he really is inside?

I might be wrong.

Cowlover89 · 13/08/2023 19:30

Wouldn't bother me

Original poster
greatoutlook · 13/08/2023 19:31

That's what I'm worried about. Is that who he is .
This wasthree years ago. During a covid
restrictions break.

OP posts:
LittleAlexHornn · 13/08/2023 19:36

arethereanyleftatall · 13/08/2023 19:28

Me? No. In vino veritas

Once when I was very drunk (stupidly so, after an awful bereavement, during a break up, on a new medication due to insomnia -- no excuse but slight explanation) I apparently was telling people about my life on the farm, living with my sister, while working as an accountant, with my three kids.

I've never lived on a farm, I don't have a sister, my work is not even remotely related to accounting and I'm infertile.

Sometimes drunk people spout absolute crap. Especially when you add medication into the mix!

I think it's a myth that drunk people are a fountain of veracity. Fountain of bullshit, maybe.

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