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Original poster

Could you forgive this ?

74 replies

greatoutlook · 13/08/2023 18:58

New man. Getting on well and having a few dates. He is a gentleman, refined and well mannered in every way.

I've just found out that a few years ago, he was out having g dinner and drinks and got into trouble with police.

He was on medication at the time and drank alcohol. He subsequently
Got so drunk and was verbally abusive to police saying that he could get them fired if needed. He is a successful business man and socialises in business circles.

He was appalled and horrified when he awoke the next morning and told of his behaviour the night before . Rang the police with profuse apologies. He had no recollection f this and nothing before had ever happened to him like that before.
He was charged and went to court where he was fined etc. He , again apologised to the police and the courts for his acts .
I read this on line.
I do not know this man enough to make judgements but from what I've seen and heard, this was all totally out of character .
Would I be mad to pursue this?

OP posts:
terrichild · 13/08/2023 19:36

I think you are very uneasy about it from your questions so best to walk away. It will always be in the air when you are around drink. I was in an industry and at a time where getting drunk was very acceptable when at do’s. It is a fact it alters the brain and people do and say things when very drunk that is totally out of character. I don’t believe this theory that all their pent up thoughts come out. I happen to think drunks act like the idiots they do because they are very pxxxxd. But I feel he will have to be very careful around you and I don’t think that’s a good relationship.

Mum2jenny · 13/08/2023 19:39

I’d avoid him if at all possible. Leopards rarely change their spots

Hellofromtheotherslide · 13/08/2023 19:40

For whatever reason, reading that article has made you uncomfortable about this man, you are not wrong for this and right to be aware of your gut instincts. It could have been a drunken mistake, but like you, his conduct towards the police officer is traits I detest in people and would probably put me off them. If you decide to pursue this relationship any further, then just be vigilant of this behaviour resurfacing later on.

Zanatdy · 13/08/2023 19:40

as other say forgive is the wrong word, overlook yes I could. But I’d tread carefully. We all make mistakes

anotherside · 13/08/2023 19:43

He was appalled and horrified when he awoke the next morning and told of his behaviour the night before

Hard to say - was he really appalled by his behaviour or was he embarrassed that he’d let the mask slip so to speak. Im not sure there’s any amount of alcohol that brings an “do you know who I am?” out of thin air. That said I’d guess I’d give him the benefit of the doubt but would take things slowly and be on the look out for signs of narcissism etc.

missmollygreen · 13/08/2023 19:46

Forgive? it was nothing to do with you, so nothing to forgive.

Who can honestly say they have never done or said anything stupid when drunk, let alone on medication.

If he is not displaying any other red flags then surely this in a non issue? Especially if it was years ago

arethereanyleftatall · 13/08/2023 19:49

I do think that's different @LittleAlexHornn - you were just making stuff up, which wasn't malicious in any way. To me, what the ops bloke did, is his true feelings coming out which he tries to keep hidden.

Serendipitoushedgehog · 13/08/2023 19:52

I had an ex with a similar one off incident kind of criminal history, which I found out from mutual friends rather than him telling me. It did make me a bit wary initially but in that case it wasn’t an issue at all and not the reason we eventually broke up.

LakeTiticaca · 13/08/2023 19:52

He unwisely mixed alcohol and medication. He didn't get behind the wheel of a car. He didn't rape or murder anyone. He gave the police some lip which is not that uncommon.
Surprised he went to court when probably a night in the cells/caution would probably have sufficed

Itsnotrightbutitsok · 13/08/2023 19:52

supersonicginandtonic · 13/08/2023 19:29

Everybody makes mistakes in life. He was drunk he apologised. You weren't with him at the time. I think we all say things we don't mean at times too.

I'd just move on.

I agree.

Of course it’s unacceptable behaviour but none of us are perfect.

There could have been a back story about why he was so upset and frustrated that he ended up snapping.

I’d ignore this completely but be on the look out for other red flags, which I’d do with anyone.

GreggingIt · 13/08/2023 19:53

OP maybe you’re someone who has never fucked up - I wish I could claim the same.

I tend to be v forgiving of people where it’s a one off because I’m v aware of how imperfect I am and what things people go through in life that make them do things they rather wish they hadn’t.

BananaSlug · 13/08/2023 19:53

Yeah wouldn’t bother me

LindersSoph · 13/08/2023 19:57

On your next date you could casually mention you googled him. If he asks what you'd found, tell him and see how he responds.

His response will tell you everything you need to know. Good luck! Flowers

Testina · 13/08/2023 19:58

“again apologised to the police and the courts for his acts .”

That means nothing. Even without a solicitor coaching you, anyway with a brain cell will know you act contrite in court. Don’t even consider that in your decision making.

What exactly was he charged with? The police do not have the time to be taking cases of rowdy verbal drunken idiots to CPS.
He may well have threatened he could have them sacked, but I don’t believe for a moment he went drunken up to a PC on the street and a propos of nothing said that, and that on its own it led to arrest AND charging.

It’s all very well saying we all make mistakes… I’ve never made one that breaks the law and is nasty and superior to someone doing a difficult a vital job.

He sounds like a cock.

GoodChat · 13/08/2023 19:59

Has he shown any red flags?

He made a mistake years ago and if he's bettered himself since then I don't see this as a massive issue.

Are you worried he could still be an aggressive drunk?

1WomanWonder · 13/08/2023 20:00

So the story you found on Google was not just a line about who was prosecuted locally that week? There must have been an interview for that level of detail about how he felt when he woke the next day? What was he prosecuted for?

NeverDropYourMooncup · 13/08/2023 20:00

You only have his word for what he did - and he did get himself prosecuted and fined.

I'd be suspicious of the 'oh, I was taking medication' routine, too. He just got shitfaced and turned into an aggressive prick. So is there an alcohol issue there? And why aggressive instead of happy and soppy? Is he completely teetotal as a result?

So many questions, none of them with an 'OK, nothing to see here, carry on regardless' conclusion.

Original poster
greatoutlook · 13/08/2023 20:01

No red flags.
Drunk and disorderly
Resisting arrest
Threatening police

OP posts:
Original poster
greatoutlook · 13/08/2023 20:01

No ye still drinks alcohol

OP posts:
Original poster
greatoutlook · 13/08/2023 20:02

I do not have his word.
I read a newspaper article on line

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 13/08/2023 20:02

NeverDropYourMooncup · 13/08/2023 20:00

You only have his word for what he did - and he did get himself prosecuted and fined.

I'd be suspicious of the 'oh, I was taking medication' routine, too. He just got shitfaced and turned into an aggressive prick. So is there an alcohol issue there? And why aggressive instead of happy and soppy? Is he completely teetotal as a result?

So many questions, none of them with an 'OK, nothing to see here, carry on regardless' conclusion.

Apologies. He hasn't even told you about it and still drinks, so it's just the bollocks that always comes out in court trying to get mitigation/the lowest possible penalty.

xyz111 · 13/08/2023 20:04

This wouldn't be a deal breaker for me. If he'd have beaten someone up or something like that when pissed, then absolutely. But sounds like he was just mouthing off. But if he doesn't meet your standards, then best end it now

Ollifer · 13/08/2023 20:06

Gosh I was arrested years ago for something I did that was stupid when I was drunk. It was a one off, I always tell someone if it gets serious but would be horrified if they wrote me off as being some kind of criminal because of a big mistake that happened years ago when I was drunk!

Testina · 13/08/2023 20:14

greatoutlook · 13/08/2023 20:01

No red flags.
Drunk and disorderly
Resisting arrest
Threatening police

“Resisting arrest”

With a Ghandi style sit down protest, do you think?

I think the medication excuse was his solicitor’s idea.

He got drunk, then aggressive (unless we are going for Ghandi?) and then mouthy.

I’m not saying dump him - but at least don’t minimise this to yourself, which it feels like you were doing when you first described this as just him being verbally rude.

The police deal with drunk and disorderly all the time - they don’t arrest because you sway past with the giggles saying, “evenin’ ossifer”.

fairytalesRonlyinbooks · 13/08/2023 20:16

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