When do these little terrors get easier ?? I can't take it anymore !!

[booboonurse]

I have only two of them ( how to people manage with more ?? ). I feel totally burnt out and like nothing works. Everything is a struggle with them.

They're one and three years old. My three and a half year old has tantrums about stuff, daily. Today it was because she wanted to eat both the ice creams I bought for her and her brother.

The little one is CONSTANTLY climbing on the tables and Kitchen island, CONSTANTLY. I have to literally remove him, probably 50 times a day. He doesn't give it up. The house is constantly a mess. I'm constantly tidying up and it's still a mess.

I try to have quality time with them, but there's always some sort of issue that ends in tears on each outing. Today we went to the pet shop to choose a fish bowl and look at the animals. That went surprisingly well with no melt downs. But of course major issues while getting an ice cream after. First tears in the queue and then again because of course my DD wanted to hold and eat both ice creams.

Recently she's started to have tantrums when I turn the TV off too. Which is a new one that I really hate. It never used to be an issue.

At soft play we go to frequently she often plays really nicely, but sometimes she gets into this zone where she just starts being naughty and taking toys off other kids etc. basically when she's not getting her way, she acts up. The little one is now mobile but is too small to be left to roam the soft play so I have to be on constant watch. It's a small soft play, but I also have to make sure my DD is behaving, so it gets stressful.

Any activity with them is hard. Staying home with them is hard. Nights are still hard. My one year old is refusing to sleep in his cot now entirely and I have to lie next to him to get him to sleep and also when he wakes in the night and for his naps. My three year old also needs me to stay with her when she falls asleep.

It's a lot. My partner is gone most of the time and it's basically my problem. I also have a full time job ( from home ) that's quite demanding. I'm very tired. But everything would be fine, if they were just a little easier to spend time with and look after.

First and foremost, how do I get my DS to stop climbing on the table.

It takes time and patience to stop unwanted behaviour. A firm 'no' and removing then distracting. Praise for the wanted behaviour. Over and over and over again until it sinks in. It is relentless.

Rather than sleeping with the three year old, why don't you put a stairgate on their room, set up their bed and also put cushions on the floor? You can just leave them in then. Yeah they'll be upset the first while but just reassure them. Then they'll soon get used to it. No need to lie with her til she sleeps. Kids are hard but to be fair, I think you're making your own life quite difficult.

I feel you!!!!

I have a 3.5 year old and 11 month old.

Re the climbing. No idea. Mines the same. I've tried to teach him how to get safely down. The reality is he has a few little falls.

The tantrums are something else I agree. It's exhausting. And relentless. On the whole my boys are good but the eldest does really act up for me. He doesn't nap anymore either. The baby gets up at 5.30 and the eldest takes an age to get to bed so goes down around 8.30 15 hour days are killing me

I'm sorry you're in a similar position ! The other thing that happens and drives me absolutely nuts is that the three year old goes to the bathroom and starts playing with water and her brother follows her in and starts playing with the toilet brush. 1 year old can't open doors yet, thank god. But she opens them for him and it's a mess. The other thing the 1 year old does is bounce around on the sofa all day. So I have to sit there making sure he doesn't fall off. It's so exhausting. I think 1 is my least favourite age. I really struggled when my DD was 1.

This was without a doubt my least favourite parenting stage. I hated it. You have all my sympathy 💐

Some children are climbers.

Have you got a garden? I'd get a climbing frame so he can go out and play and get it out of his system. When you're cooking or whatever put him in a booster at the table with building blocks.

Also have a look at soft play type play things for indoors they are fab for active children or an indoor trampoline and out him on that every time he bounces on the sofa. So model what's ok.

And try with the oldest refusing tv some days or refusing ice creams when out. And say "not today because last time you got upset and I don't like it when you cry".

She'll then hopefully make the decision 1 ice cream is better then none!

Children have an annoyingly amazing tact of picking up when their behaviour is having an effect on us and upping the ante!

I have a 15 month old who has a rare genetic disorder. He spent a lot of time in hospital when he was a newborn and now he has weekly/bi weekly hospital appointments. I also have a 2 year old (they have a 11 month age gap) who is non verbal and has Autism. It’s hard!! On top of that I work 3 days a week😅

Does your 3 year old go to nursery at all? My 2 year old only does 3 half days a week and it makes so much difference. It’s nice to have a little break and only parent one child!

I have no advice as you can tell! Just want you to know that you’re not the only one struggling x

i went through this phase. They are now 4 and almost 2 and I’m pregnant and about to start it all over again 😂

just a thought for your little climber - is he climbing on chairs then on to the table? If so I used to prevent DD2 doing this by laying all the chairs down if safe or removing them all together and shutting them in another room. Also temporarily put the bar stools away so she couldn’t get on the island. Could be worth a go to save going insane with the repetitive getting up to lift them down!

Tantrums are very hard and I don’t have the answer. Sorry !

I’m exactly the same. Two daughters 1 and 3. I hate this stage. I work full time too. The little one is a blur of motion and very destructive. I’m exhausted.

Your ds sounds like my cousin.

My aunt told a story of how she got a phone call from her neighbour when she thought dc1 was asleep.
"I thought you should know that dc1 is standing on the table."
"But I put the chairs on the table to stop her using them to climb on the table."
"Er... well actually now she's standing on the chairs on top of the table..."

She'd got out of her cot, over two stairgates (including one extra high one) to do this too. My poor aunt.

And the water thing. Dc1 had a great fascination with flushing things down the toilet. They lost at least one set of car keys among other things.

She managed to get through any child locks they tried to use too.

I will reassure you that by the time she was 5yo she was much better. We blamed my uncle for the climbing. He'd been very keen on rock climbing.

It's partially wearing them out-my uncle used to play fetch with her like a dog to keep her running. She loved it, he didn't have to chase after her so much. Partially this will pass, and partially (especially with the ice creams) being consistent.
What I would have done with the ice cream situation is:

1. You can't eat ice cream when crying. So she doesn't get one until she's stopped crying.
2. Tell her it isn't fair if she has two and ds has none. She may well tell you it is. Then you tell her that in that case it's fair if he has two and she has none. Gives her a little something to think about fairness.

TV I'd go for the if she has a strop when it goes off, then she doesn't get it tomorrow/next day.

You can do sticker charts for such things too. However if you do then look out for actively being good stickers rather than the not-being-bad stickers, as my dd used to call them. That means you're not just stopping the behaviour you don't want, you're also encouraging the behaviour you do want.

My 2nd and 3rd are the same ages and we're not having any issues like that at all. The first one however was awful. A lot of it is temperament and age so will improve with time, not that it helps that much when you're in it but you'll really appreciate when it's over.

No advice but just popping along to say I have a 3.5year old, a very soon to be 1 year old and a full time (not at home job). Absolutely agree with you it's a fucking nightmare and I'm exhausted.

I'm barely holding together all the different aspects of my life & the cracks show way too often.

I can't answer when it gets better but I hope you can feel reassured that it's normal!

Didn't read past their ages, didn't read the other posts - one and three is fucking BRUTAL. Mine are 3 and 5 now and it's a thousand times easier. Not easy but there's definite glimpses of a civilised life. Hang on in there, it will get better (and if you don't have another, by the time the youngest reaches the terrible twos a) you'll be more experienced b) you won't be dealing with a baby and c) you won't be as exhausted as you'll be getting better sleep).

I'm definitely not having another baby. They reduced me to tears this evening. The constant demands and never listening or doing anything I ask by the 3 year old really got me today.

All I can say it does get easier... Mine are now almost 5 and 2.5 and can actually play together. When I saw you take them both to softplay on your own, I have to say my first thought was "fuck that for a game of soldiers!" Softplay at those ages requires at least as many adults as children, ideally more!

Re climbing: can you get a stair gate to bar access to the kitchen? You can get really long ones for open plan layouts. If you (also) have hard flooring under the table he climbs on, can you get a rug or some of those bright coloured interlocking foam play mats? Table isn't as high as the worktops I imagine. IME the novelty of standing on the table wears off pretty quickly, especially once your mum doesn't look like she's about to scream every time anymore ;)

Yeah but you probably asked them to do something ridiculous like get dressed or put shoes on or have their teeth brushed. How could they possibly know you expect such things?

@JenniferBarkley I just asked my three year old to tidy up together. She crossed her arms and shouted ' no I don't want go tidy up '. I said we need to tidy up after we play. She continued.. I tried the tidy up song, which works a lot of the time but she refused. Then she could tell she was winding me up, so she started to grab even more toys and throw them around in anger and also laughing as she was winding me up...

The one year old meanwhile went into the fridge and chucked a load of bottles on the ground which smashed. Then walked over to the cupboard and pulled out a bunch of plates, which also smashed.

I usually have child locks on them but for specific reasons I don't want to share as that's a bit outing, they've come off for now.

Then I tried to stop them both from coming in whilst I was cleaning which was impossible. So I screamed at them both BIG time until they cried. But they did stop coming in long enough for me to clean up.

My living room and kitchen both have tables in them, so I can't leave them in either room unsupervised as little climber ends up on the tables. The rooms are separated by a double door which is always open.

Nightmare day !

Thanks for that thought on soft play, I also wouldn't know how to manage a bigger soft play on my own with them and I fought it was just me being a bit rubbish!

I go to a really really small one only. It's just about manageable, just about. I wouldn't dare taking them to a bigger soft play. The one I go to is part of my gym and so I know a lot of the parents there and it's very child safe. All round tables and softer floors everywhere as well as no where to escape. I'm lucky I have that place to go to at least.

Otherwise I would just be home with them. I have never taken them to a playground together, as I just couldn't manage it. But I do have a garden with all play ground stuff so at least they can go and play outside there.

Regarding a stair gate separating living room and kitchen, it's tricky, as both rooms have tables. And climber also loves jumping around on the sofas and hanging off them head first. I have no way to contain him anywhere. I have to take him to the toilet with me and it's very difficult to go upstairs without him, as it's dangerous to not watch him, even for a second. Three year old is at least easier in that regard.

OK, on a more serious note now: you need a break before you burn out. I have only ever once screamed at my children until they cried and two days later I had a breakdown and was signed off from work for a month (it was parenting stress but you can't get signed off from that...). It's a sign you're not coping.

The kitchen needs to be a no-go zone - stair gate across the double doors or lock them if possible. If neither of those are possible, locks on every cupboard, even if there's only safe things in there - you don't need the mess. Do you really need two tables? It sounds like things would be a bit easier if there was one area where there was no table to climb - it the kitchen is off-limits, maybe only have a table there? Your living room might look a bit bare without one, but needs must. Alternatively, could you get one of those freestanding play pens so you know he's safe for a few minutes whilst you're doing something else?

Regarding the 3yo making a mess, that's not on, and they're little for trying to wind us up on purpose. I'd say to her that she needs to tidy them up, because if she doesn't, you will, but then they won't be coming back for a while (irl this is "tidy them up now*, if mummy needs to do it you're not getting them back!"). You can also make it a prerequisite for getting dinner/ going out/ whatever is next, but make sure you're not unintentionally threatening to withhold food as a punishment. Phrase things positively, so "do X and then we can do Y", rather than "if you don't do X we can't do Y" - it's insane what a difference it makes!

Please look after yourself. If you're in the West Midlands by any chance I am happy to meet up (and you can see how many grazes and bruises my youngest has - he doesn't even like climbing!) Also happy to DM. Hang in there, the days are long but the years are short xxx

Put the toilet brush high out of reach.
Don't store anything you don't want them touching in low cupboards (drastically reduces your storage space, I know, but the peace of mind that they can then do what they want with those cupboards/anything left in the cupboards is worth it).
Got any extra cushions? - If so put them on the floor around the sofa so if he does fall it's a soft landing.

I co-slept with both, so had no major issues around bedtime (not saying you try this, but can't really give any advice).
Magnetic child locks on cupboards are good as they need the magnet as a key (kept way out of their reach) to get in and it's unlikely they will be able to break in by force.
Be firm with the tantrums over TV and they will eventually learn it doesn't work (not easy I know, my eldest was thankfully not much of a tantrumer but my youngest is making up for it, especially regarding TV!).

My wise uncle told me 7, 7 is the age they become civillised. He was right. Sorry!

When you say you work full time from home, where are your children while you do this?

Oh wow I really sympathise based on your update. Is the older one seeking your attention or is it just her personality? Mine is a bit more naturally compliant (mostly). I do feel like I spend all day telling them off though. And repeating myself. They also used to have terrible tantrums (1hr +); the only thing that really worked to stop them was to ignore the tantrum and carry on as normal. They seemed to stop unwanted behaviour eventually if they didn't get any attention for it. It did get worse before it got better though and we had to be really consistent.

I also agree with a pp, I would do everything you can with the setup to make your life easier - remove a table, move fragile things out of low cupboards, etc. And remove the toys if you have to tidy them yourself. No tv if tantrums afterwards (although this would really make me sad as I enjoy the break just as much as they enjoy the tv). And get outdoors a lot, even if raining. If you husband isn't much help and you can afford it I would also consider a mother's help. I'm sure it gets easier and wish you all the best.

I think it's her personality at this point. But who knows. She just doesn't comply and is always testing me.