When do these little terrors get easier ?? I can't take it anymore !!

[booboonurse]

I have only two of them ( how to people manage with more ?? ). I feel totally burnt out and like nothing works. Everything is a struggle with them.

They're one and three years old. My three and a half year old has tantrums about stuff, daily. Today it was because she wanted to eat both the ice creams I bought for her and her brother.

The little one is CONSTANTLY climbing on the tables and Kitchen island, CONSTANTLY. I have to literally remove him, probably 50 times a day. He doesn't give it up. The house is constantly a mess. I'm constantly tidying up and it's still a mess.

I try to have quality time with them, but there's always some sort of issue that ends in tears on each outing. Today we went to the pet shop to choose a fish bowl and look at the animals. That went surprisingly well with no melt downs. But of course major issues while getting an ice cream after. First tears in the queue and then again because of course my DD wanted to hold and eat both ice creams.

Recently she's started to have tantrums when I turn the TV off too. Which is a new one that I really hate. It never used to be an issue.

At soft play we go to frequently she often plays really nicely, but sometimes she gets into this zone where she just starts being naughty and taking toys off other kids etc. basically when she's not getting her way, she acts up. The little one is now mobile but is too small to be left to roam the soft play so I have to be on constant watch. It's a small soft play, but I also have to make sure my DD is behaving, so it gets stressful.

Any activity with them is hard. Staying home with them is hard. Nights are still hard. My one year old is refusing to sleep in his cot now entirely and I have to lie next to him to get him to sleep and also when he wakes in the night and for his naps. My three year old also needs me to stay with her when she falls asleep.

It's a lot. My partner is gone most of the time and it's basically my problem. I also have a full time job ( from home ) that's quite demanding. I'm very tired. But everything would be fine, if they were just a little easier to spend time with and look after.

First and foremost, how do I get my DS to stop climbing on the table.

Eh. Childcare of course.

1 and 3 is hellish. 1 and 3 is the time you regret a 2 year gap. I swear going back to work was the only thing that kept me sane. I promise you it only gets better.

Stairgate across the kitchen door when you're cooking? I found this more secure than trying to fight over individual cupboards. Little ones were not that happy about it but better that than causing chaos underfoot when there are hot pans around.

I feel so bad now for shouting at them like that today. I was beside myself with rage, especially at my three year old.

I just dont feel like I get through to her. Others remark that I'm too soft with her. So I try to be tougher but it doesn't help either. My poor babies.

"Others remark that I'm too soft with her."

Everyone thinks they're an expert. I've had one person saying I'm too soft and another that I'm too harsh at the same time. They couldn't both be right! No one knows your child like you do. I have an autistic child and believe me I get judged all the time for my parenting, especially by my mother. But she only sees tiny snapshots, she never sees how the consequences play out in the hours and days afterwards. It's a long game and your children are both still so very young. It really is getting through the hours at this stage - or it was for me at this age anyway.

I have no advice re children, this is why I stopped at one, just endless sympathy!

However, please please don't keep fish in an old school fish bowl if that's what you've bought, it's really cruel and I can't believe pet shops still sell them. I'm sorry I know this isn't the point of the thread but as an avid fish lover I wince whenever I see anyone wanting to buy a "fishbowl".

Those ages are hard and constant work. It'll get easier when they are a bit older and can do small things without your help and then easier again when you don't have to continually supervise their every move.

Those are hard ages. DC were those ages in lockdown and it nearly did me in. Much easier when youngest dc was 18 months, and again at 2.

Do everything you can to make life easier - including removing coffee tables/chairs, moving breakable stuff, keeping toilet brush etc out of reach.

Make cooking easy and quick. Stuffed pasta takes two minutes. Beans on toast. Or I'd use slow cooker so dinner just needed to be served up. Stick telly on or youngest in high chair while you cook.

Outings to shops or anywhere you can buy something are stressful. I used to take DC to the woods or a big country park/nature reserve near us. Take a snack, let them play with sticks and splash in puddles etc, don't stray too far from the car for quick exit if need be.

Does your partner know how you're struggling? Yes there any way he could switch things around to be home more?

I also had a sling where I could stick youngest on my back if he was being particularly pesky and I needed to get something done.

Cleaning - lower standards, better storage, cleaner if you can afford it.

Yeah it's relentless.

My solution is always going outside. That way they can't break stuff. Less likely to climb on table at home if they've been on a climbing frame all morning

Don't take them to shops and stuff, it's just chaos

Ice cream at home

A good idea is a place outdoors that is fenced i.e. a football field. Just take a couple of balls ( that are exactly the same) and let them run around.

It's a rough time

We put away the chairs because I honestly couldn't stand the climbing on the table and island and playing with the glass light fixtures. Solidarity OP.

I always feel bad when I'm stern too. It doesn't help that I'm the only one! I have heard both of her grandads say "grandpa doesn't say no" to her. My MIL cries when she cries. Bless my mom, she tries on one hand while squirting whipped cream into her mouth with the other. They all think I'm an authoritarian monster.

I think kids get easier from about two. That doesn't mean they don't test you though. I've been there on the shouting, it is a sign you need a break. The book How to Talk so Little Kids will Listen is the most accessible to tired parents parenting book I've read and will help with the 3 year old. You could also read The Book you Wish Your Parents Had Read.

Calm down I bought a round aquarium, which I why I referred to it as a fish bowl.

Lol ok good luck with the fish and the children 🙄

The only thing that keeps me sane is breaks
I work full time and all money goes in childcare I simply could not be a SAHM my mind and body would crack
Your 3 year only if in uk can get free mornings at nursery and personally if I was you I'd get the 1 year old in for a few hours either each day or full days

If nursery is not an option then I'd have to get together with like minded other adults and let kids mash together while I had a glass of wine with another mum for an hour each day

It does get easier

Is there any way you could get back to the office on the days you work rather than work from home?

I only suggest this as if you are
constantly at home (as that’s where you are on both the days you do and don’t work) it might feel like you have no escape? The home isn’t really a safe space anymore as if it’s always filled with chaos and upset then that sense may still linger even when you’re working from home and your children aren’t there.

My children were 3.5 years apart and going to work was my refuge, not only because it was a break from the children but because it gave me space to escape home life! Being out of the home for 10 hours meant I wasn’t surrounded by children’s mess, children’s
clothes, children’s toys or seeing the children’s toothbrushes every time I went for a wee etc and I felt more relaxed at work than I did at home.

Constantly being at home was just one reminder after another of something that I was finding difficult (being a parent) to the point where I felt stressed in the house even when my children weren’t there.

Going out to work and having somewhere else to go meant I could completely separate myself from parenthood which in turn also enabled me to mentally recharge myself ready for when home life had to start again.

And I’m assuming if you’re working from home you probably don’t see many people either? That’s another way work was a release….just being around other people, having fun, having a laugh, talking about and doing things that were in no way related to children or inclusive of children. You say your husband is away a lot so you don’t even have him for company which would at least be something when at
home.

I only say this as the isolation and loneliness that can arise from working at home can sometimes make things seems a hundred times worse.

I have 15 months between my boys and it was exactly as described. Absolute chaos. Both climbers. Both bad sleepers. I dreaded days I was on my own with them and skipped into work!! It sounds terrible and of course we had nice times but it was such hard work. It started to get easier when the youngest was 3ish..

OK no need to be snarky.

Working from home with the same age children during covid completely broke me.

You dont have to be on mumsnet long to hear stories about people trying to work from home with small children.

You sound totally overwhelmed by needing to constantly supervise small children, but apparently they are in childcare while you work full time hours, work and childcare is still a lifeline for me in keeping sane even now they are older.

There is obviously some massive backstory which we are all supposed to understand and be sympathetic to without actually knowing what it is.

Good luck OP. This age is hard, it gets better around 4/5.

I can't go to an office because there is no office. I actually have a nanny at the moment for both of them. So we are all at home a lot! But from September they'll be going to nursery 3 days a week at least.

I can go to the gym and work from there, which I do sometimes and that does help.

I also see people there a bit etc. it does get lonely working from home for sure, but I don't have a choice in that, as I said, there is no office.

@Iudncuewbccgrcb I have been around long enough to know that working from home with children that age is impossible and that people get crucified for even thinking about it on here.... I wouldn't even attempt it.

There is no massive back story. I'm just finding it hard.

Is that not enough ? Am I not allowed to find it hard without a massive back story?

@Iudncuewbccgrcb work is also a lifeline for me. I wouldn't survive otherwise. But I still find it hard.

Everything else is on me, on my own and it's still hard- even though I work.

Hey! Hope today is feeling a bit better. Don't feel bad about shouting at them, shit happens, it's not like you did it for lolz. Take it as a sign you need to change things. Have you considered any of the suggestions for making changes to your house to make it more child-proof?

Does your WFH/ childcare set-up work? As in: do you feel you are able to work and do you feel you're not involved in the childcare whilst you are working?

ATM, it sounds like you're all spending too much time at home/ indoors. I was getting grumpy with my two this morning, and half an hour outside (walking through some puddles and getting a couple of things from the corner shop) has done us all a lot of good. Are there any fenced off playgrounds near you? At least they're designed for climbing etc so maybe a bit less stressful.

Re your 3yo: could it be a case of needing to communicate differently with her, rather than being stricter? PPs have made several suggestions for books etc. Sometimes a few tiny changes can make a huge difference l.

I totally agree, there doesn't have to be a backstory, it's just bloody hard looking after small kids! You're not the only one who struggles! Hang in there xxx

Perhaps reconsider if the nanny set up is working. It sounds like you aren't getting much separation from work/home and I really do think that's probably the key. Are you ever alone in the house for any length of time or do you never get any peace and quiet?

What does the nanny do to keep them from climbing on the furniture etc?

My reference to the backstory was the stuff around not using childlocks being outing.

Like I said, being cooped up in the house, working, with similar age children broke me. I do sympathise but from having been in the exact same position you must do what you can to loom after yourself otherwise as you are finding you start heading to breakdown territory.

One year old may be a bit young for this, but one way of teaching fairness and making them think is this:

But a small cake or choc bar or quantity of ice-cream, whatever.

Tell the kids they are going to share this treat.

The child has to cut it in two (with your help if too young).

BUT also tell this child that the other one will have FIRST PICK of the two pieces.

That might do it!