To not want my kids to drink mocktails or AF beer?

[Thesenderofthiscard]

On holiday with grp of friends - oldest kids are 13, youngest 8.
the 5 teens have been asking for ‘mocktails’ when we’re out at cafes/ restaurants- Virgin bloody Mary’s, Virgin mojitos - and now the little one want them too.

I’m REALLY uncomfortable with this- Have said no to my teen so now I’m the worst parent in the world. I’m not happy with the normalising of drinking = fun or being ‘grown up’ at this age.
ine of the dad’s told me in need to get real, and for an AF beer for his 13 old son.
I ask him if he’d let his son have a ‘fake’ vale or cigarette and all he’ll broke lose.

oh, and not to mention these drinks are €8/10 a pop as they’re meant for no- drinking adults

YABU - lighten up! Let them feel like grown ups

YANBU - They’re too young to be pretending to drink.

Maybe they do.

But the point is that mocktails and cigarette-shaped sweets aren't some kind of weird gateway drug to a lifetime of addiction.

If a child is going to pretend to drink or smoke, they'll do it regardless of what drink is in their glass or what shaped sweets you decide to buy them.

Well known MN fact. Even walking past a pub can start your DC’s on the decline into alcoholism. Take an alternative route.
😉😁😁

Aye, thought I was the bees knees with my shandy. Cannot stand lager or beer either and rarely drink. But we did also have fake fakes (candy cigarettes). It’s a wonder we’re not all degenerates who were chain smoking alcoholics by the time we were 18 with such debauchery around us.

God I really want a shandy now it’s been so long!

I think that everyone right down to the age of 8 having a beer does normalise alcohol. This might have no effect on some children and a lasting effect on others.

Agreed. I think gatekeeping alcohol-free beer will turn it into 'forbidden fruit'.

Then when they finally get their hands on the real stuff, things can become messy.

Fake fags*

My parents were really strict about drinking and I ended up with a problem similar to you.

My in laws allowed their children to drink from 14/15 in the house and none of them are big drinkers.

I honestly don't know what the answer is. I don't think I'll allow my mine to drink as early as 14 but I will probably allow in the house from age 16. Bring strict about alcohol didn't work for me but I guess I could have ended up with a problem either way.

This was me exactly. I ended up such a pisshead.

Same here. I think it's so reductive and immature to label someone as boring because they drink water and don't go to pubs. I only drink water and my kids juice in restaurants and I'm fun too. We live abroad and my kids are always camping, at sports clubs and skiing. We live in an amazing European tourist destination which countless things to do and see. We have a very fun and varied life. Me drinking water has nothing to do with our fun quota.

My two DD were allowed to have mocktails from this age. I think it makes alcoholic drinks less appealing because the mockails are more interesting than the drinks they had when they were younger than this, so they don’t feel left out of the exciting drinks - especially as a holiday treat. They are now both old enough to drink alcohol, but very rarely do and if so only one - and still both have a mocktail occasionally.

My husband and I have been talking about this and basically I'm going to be honest with them. Explain how a few drinks is fine but alcohol is basically a poison when consumed in excess that leads to health problems and is often dreadful for mental health. I'm also going to encourage them to dig deep and face anxieties head on rather than find ways to Bury them. That's a habit that never goes away until you sort it out; otherwise you go from thing to thing searching for an escape. A big focus in our patenting is promoting confidence and ways to face uncomfortable feelings. I also teach my kids that itsbok to me different from everyone else and to stand for something or against something that the majority all seem to be doing. Encouraging fitness and an outdoor lifestyle as a positive way to live your life and use your body. Mynhusband always said he never trusted anyone who didn't drink. Then I quit and not only did he see the change but says he doesn't want our kids to drink either (as our ideal, not something we can force). I still want my kids to turn to me if they ever drink too much and need my help, and to know I love and support them Jo matter what. It's getting that balance.

For me, stopping drinking was one of the greatest gifts I ever gave myself.

‘ was encouraged to drink alcohol growing up 'to get me used to it' and all it did was give me a taste for it and condition me to think that the best way to handle (normal teenage) anxiety was to drink.’

every alcohol abuse agency/charity and health advice says the same thing - it’s a myth that allowing teens to drink alcohol at home or in ‘moderation’ leads to better habits as an adult. And that if you don’t let them drink alcohol they somehow turn 18 go completely off the rails because you didn’t let them have wine in holiday at 15.

and yes I know mocktails have no alcohol, but there are many posters in here who seem to think if Indo t want my kids to drink fake alcohol, or let them have actual alcohol before 18 they’re somehow going to go wild …

I agree.
I very rarely drink (despite having mocktails as a child and parents who socialised a lot in the home and drank a fair amount) but am not boring in the slightest!
I'm much more fun on a night out that someone who is reeling about hammered.

I can't stand the attitude to alcohol that seems to be only prevalent in the UK that in order to have fun you have be drinking or off your face on something else. It's very sad.

We have very open convos about everything, this will include alcohol. And drugs.
We already talk about booze and weed being harmful to growing brains of teens, and no we aren’t going to encourage or facilitate it in any way. If my kids are going to drink, they’ll have to do it the old fashioned way of sneaking about and funding it themselves.
I’m not going to help them.

hoping that our kids can make have sensible choices as they get older and our influence on them starts to be replaced by their peers instead. They have so much to learn,
And do yet- having a hangover or wasting time drinking isn’t going to help any.

I tell my kids they're a gimmick (and an expensive one at the prices you're quoting). Nothing automatically wrong with a gimmick, they can be fun but it's good to be aware of them and look closer at it - some of them of them are just flavoured coloured syrup and cheap sparkling lemonade and every place I've seen sell them also sells other juice drinks in more adult glasses so we can compare. I recall once, my teenager found essentially the same mixed juice drink but much larger and in what she thought was a big fancy glass in a different part of the menu.

Some things I am uncomfortable with like some alcohol companies make AF version in bottles with labels that look way too similar to the normal alcohol version and I just feel that goes from a gimmick to a marketing ploy by the company. Having grown up in a heavily drinking community, I've seen that ploy work too much to be comfortable with it. However, after explaining this to my teenagers who all have their own debit cards, I wouldn't and couldn't stop them. If they think they're old enough, they can pay for it, but I'm not.

This somehow hasn't let the now adult child to going crazy with alcohol now that he can do whatever he wants.

I'd try not to get into an argument with other parents for different choices, though I can see losing it if the other parents was really arsey about it first.

‘Some things I am uncomfortable with like some alcohol companies make AF version in bottles with labels that look way too similar to the normal alcohol version ‘

yes, but they’re doing this tk appeal to adults NOT kids! That’s my point!
It’s for adults who want to go to the pub but have something more interesting than a coke, when they’re not drinking or trying to cut back in alcohol. And not have everyone going on at them about not drinking, because it looks and feels like they are…

I’ve done it! Had a AF beer rather than a soft drink in a bar. Many places don’t sell AF beer to kids, our local won’t at all.

😂😂😂

AF options for adults are great, a good alternative and nice to have the choice given our pub culture but they aren’t meant for kids. They never were.
Alcohol pops on the other hand …

I don't get the problem with buying a teen alcohol free beer. Surely if they like it then it shows you can go out and have a good time without drinking full stop?

This is something I've never thought about before. I have offered the (pre-teen) children the odd mocktail on holiday as a treat!

@Tiredalwaystired I suppose they are different pet peeves. The Mixologist badge seems wrong, because a mixologist is a bartender, and I don’t think bartending is a suitable skill for girl guides to learn. It’s all very well saying that by using fruit juice the girls are exploring taste, presentation, creativity, etc. but there must be better ways to do that. It’s a legit question whether kids should be aspiring to be ‘Hostesses’ - but I think hosting is probably an appropriate life skill at this age. I certainly encourage thinking about what needs to happen to make guests feel welcome in our house.

Serving your mother’s G&T is a different issue, really, and maybe more personal to me.

Agree. We have lots of fun. I enjoy walking and being in the countryside. I always feel grateful to have water out of a tap to drink.

Agree.

The comparison to the fake fags is a good one I thought it was bloody hilarious. How can you compare candy cigarettes to fruit juices? 🤣

Quite, hoovering up massive amounts of sherbet most of my childhood didn’t lead me to a coke addiction

Honestly you are being rediculous. Its a soft drink.

Update - late lunch. Eldest DC had a AF ‘sex on the beach’ paid for with own money. Decided it was a rip off as it was about 3 inches of liquid in a martini glass - std.
youngest said no way was they spending half their holiday money on a drink.

other parents refused to get more mocktails this time ( round 3 it would have been) because of costs. Other children declined to waste their own money.

seems like it’s resolved itself and I’m happy we didn’t waste £55 on fruit juice aimed at adults.