to say 2am is too late??

[ItalianWays]

We live on the corner of a new build development. There are two old cottages just beyond the edge of our garden. Last year a couple of months after we moved in, the occupant of one of them delivered notes to us and the neighbours saying he would be having a 40th party with music on the garden but they would be moving the music in doors at 11pm, we were welcome to join him for drinks between 4&5pm that evening and here’s his phone number in case of problems.

I could not go for drinks because of childcare and the music went on, very loudly (the guy is an event organiser and had a professional sound system and stage set up!) beyond his cut off time. At 1am I texted him to ask to turn it down a bit but got no answer and it eventually went indoors at 2am. The following morning he texted to apologise and said it had all got out of hand.

On Friday night this week he had another birthday party (not his I don’t think) in the garden. No note this time, not such a big production but there was music loud enough that we could hear it clearly. Again though the music went on very late and our bedrooms face their garden. At 1.55am I texted him “dear X, it is 1.55am, we are trying to sleep, is it time to turn the music down?” No reply although the music did stop shortly afterwards.

Yesterday morning I had a very aggressive text from the man. He said that I had complained last year even when I had been informed, that I should cut him some slack because the noise of our house being built had disturbed him for months, that if my house wasn’t a flat pack new build with * insulation then his music (which he said was from an Amazon Dot, I don’t know what that is) is not a problem.

I replied (no swearing) to say I was sorry about the noise but we didn’t own the house at the time so we had no control over the builders, that yes he had informed us last year but he then ignored his own promises, and any people reasonable would think 2am is too late for loud music in a residential area.

Then he said “And blocked”.

Now I am worried what to do? Was I U to complain?

His message was very hissy fit. Especially "And Blocked" .

But genuinely I wouldn't mind.
People have parties. And once a year so what? 🤷‍♀️
It's not like it's every week.

I wouldn't want to fall out with my neighbour over something like this.

why was my message « passive aggressive »?? If I said “It’s 2am turn it down” that would be aggressive. I thought it was more polite to suggest it might be time to turn it down.

Just to add here that I had a party recently for a big birthday that went on until late. Warned neighbours in advance and they were very understanding.

Probably partly because they have children, who can be noisy, and they also had building works going on for about a year which tbh were stressful, very intrusive and affected my sleep as they started early most days. So they are aware they sometimes make annoying noise. Also probably because they are inherently reasonable people.

I never complained about their noise and they in turn put up with one late night party.

And in doing so we have maintained neighbourly relations so there's now no issues if we see each other when out of the house, and we do each other favours. And it's all very friendly and nice. You need to pick your battles with neighbours. Poor neighbourly relations is way more stressful than one late night party.

Bring neighbours is about give and take. And one party a year is really not unreasonable. Even until 2am.

I bet he's short too 😂

What an utter tosser. "And blocked" is he 15!?

No don't put up with this behaviour.

Report it to the council.

Next time don't complain at 1am, you complain at 10pm.

Speak to your other neighbours, get them on your side.

*No don't put up with this behaviour.

Report it to the council.

Next time don't complain at 1am, you complain at 10pm.

Speak to your other neighbours, get them on your side.*

Oh dear , don't start a war. Not over a once a year party.

If it’s once or twice a year then go away for the weekend so you won’t hear the noise. It’s not worth having an argument and bad relations going forwards.

It’s once a year.

2am is totally unreasonable to be playing loud music outside. He’d said they’d go inside at 11pm and you waited another 3 hours before saying something. You’re not even supposed to sound your horn after 11:30pm in a built up area because people are trying to sleep, so loud music at 2am isn’t really on. He’s the one being unreasonable not you. Why couldn’t he just go inside.

"Is it time to turn the music down?" is condescending. You must see that.

I think you were unreasonable. Him blocking you is a childish over-reaction but you should have just sucked it up. We cannot always have life arranged exactly the way we want it and neither are we entitled to expect that we can.

This.

You shouldn’t have complained but he shouldn’t have been rude. You are both being unreasonable.

Yanbu, chiefly because “And blocked” is such a dickhead thing to say. And to do!

Plus complaining about your house being built is ridiculous.

The parties I also think he’s being unreasonable to keep loud music on outside so late. Telling you about the party isn’t a licence to go on all night.

@dappledolivegroves
The first time, he said the noise would be over by 11pm so I wasn’t expecting it to go on to 2am. This Friday, he gave us no notice at all - I didn’t even know he was having a party until the music started, and I didn’t know it was any different from a normal party until it was still going on at midnight (outdoors and loud).

But even if we had known, why should I pay a lots of money to go away to a hotel in peak season when I don’t want to, just so he can have an “out of hand” party??

@GoodChat
No - why is it condescending? It is a reasonable question, no? At what time does he think it’s Ok to turn the music off? He already said sorry before for playing music loud outside until 2am so why is it now not reasonable to ask if 2am is late enough?

Its only one party a year. You are very unreasonable.

THIS👆

Also the idea that my child might be disturb him is ridiculous. He is 10, he does not cry or scream. Also we have triple glazing. If we can hear music from that garden, it is LOUD.

Also last year, our closest neighbours had not moved in to their house yet, and this week they are on holiday, which is why they were not complaining too.

@Brightredtulips no it is not one party a year, it is one party a year I have complained about. This is very different.

You sound like you would be great fun at a party!

If it was a weekly thing then yes, I'd complain. Once a year? I wouldn't mention it.

If people bothered to read OP’s updates she’s already said several times that it is NOT once a year!!
Anyone who says “And blocked” deserves to be complained about- what a prick.

So, how many parties per year does he have, where music that you can hear goes beyond 11pm? My vote depends on the answer.

See you've done it again with the ",no?"

Your question shouldn't be you telling him what to do or think. It should be you asking him to make a decision based on your concerns.

If you'd have said "Hi Paul, sorry to be a pain but your music is keeping us awake. Would you mind turning it down a little?" He'd have probably turned it down and apologised.