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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say 2am is too late??

119 replies

ItalianWays · 13/08/2023 10:11

We live on the corner of a new build development. There are two old cottages just beyond the edge of our garden. Last year a couple of months after we moved in, the occupant of one of them delivered notes to us and the neighbours saying he would be having a 40th party with music on the garden but they would be moving the music in doors at 11pm, we were welcome to join him for drinks between 4&5pm that evening and here’s his phone number in case of problems.

I could not go for drinks because of childcare and the music went on, very loudly (the guy is an event organiser and had a professional sound system and stage set up!) beyond his cut off time. At 1am I texted him to ask to turn it down a bit but got no answer and it eventually went indoors at 2am. The following morning he texted to apologise and said it had all got out of hand.

On Friday night this week he had another birthday party (not his I don’t think) in the garden. No note this time, not such a big production but there was music loud enough that we could hear it clearly. Again though the music went on very late and our bedrooms face their garden. At 1.55am I texted him “dear X, it is 1.55am, we are trying to sleep, is it time to turn the music down?” No reply although the music did stop shortly afterwards.

Yesterday morning I had a very aggressive text from the man. He said that I had complained last year even when I had been informed, that I should cut him some slack because the noise of our house being built had disturbed him for months, that if my house wasn’t a flat pack new build with * insulation then his music (which he said was from an Amazon Dot, I don’t know what that is) is not a problem.

I replied (no swearing) to say I was sorry about the noise but we didn’t own the house at the time so we had no control over the builders, that yes he had informed us last year but he then ignored his own promises, and any people reasonable would think 2am is too late for loud music in a residential area.

Then he said “And blocked”.

Now I am worried what to do? Was I U to complain?

OP posts:
Typz · 13/08/2023 14:21

YANBU, 2am is too late for a residential area, people with manners cut off loud music around midnight. I bet he’s had parties like that for years and is in a total sulk about the new build development on what was probably disused land. He hasn’t adjusted to having close neighbours basically.

My neighbour has annoying parties once a year but she usually warns me so I can arrange to stay elsewhere 😬

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 13/08/2023 14:27

Namechange13101 · 13/08/2023 10:40

He was being unreasonable to complain about your house being built and not letting you know about the second party, but to be honest i think you are being a bit unreasonable to complain if it was only the second time in a year (or even more). I'd just put it down to one of those things. If it was happening once a month or more frequently I'd be tempted to say something though.

Yeah, this.

garlictwist · 13/08/2023 14:59

I live in a massive student area with regular (weeknight) all night parties so perhaps my opinion is a bit skewed. But if it's just every so often I wouldn't mind and would just accept the noise.

Fwiw, I have some huge ear defenders I got from a diy shop. When I wear them at night I can't hear a thing.

roarrfeckingroar · 13/08/2023 15:07

It's once a year. Let it go.

RightOnTheEdge · 13/08/2023 15:19

He sounds like a right dick. Complaining about your house being built is pathetic.

I don't see how warning people about a noisy party is even helpful anyway unless they've got a second home or money to just book the family into a hotel.

Original poster
ItalianWays · 13/08/2023 16:28

Typz · 13/08/2023 14:21

YANBU, 2am is too late for a residential area, people with manners cut off loud music around midnight. I bet he’s had parties like that for years and is in a total sulk about the new build development on what was probably disused land. He hasn’t adjusted to having close neighbours basically.

My neighbour has annoying parties once a year but she usually warns me so I can arrange to stay elsewhere 😬

@Typz I think you are right. Where we live was a field and I think he was used to having all-night parties with nobody hearing.

To everyone else: no he does not have one party a year - he has other parties and plays music in the garden often, and I don’t mind that because why not, but what I don’t like is being kept awake with loud music outside at 2am, and that’s why I complained. If I had loud music at 2am I would be very embarrassed if someone complained, I would not be angry with them.

@RightOnTheEdge Yes, I do not understand what “informing” is really supposed to help. We do not have another home or family nearby to go to. The best reason I can think is to tell people when the party will end so they know what to expect, but he did not stick to his promise. Also, he put his phone number on the flyer in case of problems so why he is cross when I used it to tell him there was a problem?

OP posts:
I8toys · 13/08/2023 16:57

YADNBU. I don't care if they send a note out that's bollocks too. You don't need to be blasting out ndubz to the whole cul de sac until 2 am. Take that shite indoors.

And this is as a mother of 2 teens who have parties outside in our garden area. They are good and done by 11pm. I respect my neighbours.

Brefugee · 13/08/2023 17:00

He's a knob. He said it would stop at 11 then moaned when you complained it was until 2?

Ignor him, he's a twat

Crossstich · 13/08/2023 17:05

You are not being unreasonable and I don't blame you for complaining.
People should not blast loud music out in the garden . Even if it's only once a year that is too many times.
Ive been in the same position with a neighbour who does this and I know how horrible it is. It's impossible to get away from the noise or even to watch TV without hearing the noise.

Misty84 · 13/08/2023 19:33

YANBU especially given your update. He’s a twat! Complain officially next time as you’re now blocked from contacting him!

Original poster
ItalianWays · 13/08/2023 19:52

@TregunaMekoides

Why does sending a note round mean it is OK to play music outside until 2am? Please explain.

OP posts:
Timetochangegonzo · 13/08/2023 20:02

mate - unclench and maybe try and find your own friends to have fun with

GoodChat · 13/08/2023 20:02

Your message was quite snotty.
I get it's annoying but if you'd have asked him to turn the music down he'd have probably obliged.

Do you communicate with him outside of complaints?

clpsmum · 13/08/2023 20:08

Oliotya · 13/08/2023 10:42

It's one party a year. Let it go.

This

Hawkins009 · 13/08/2023 20:18

I can understand your perspectives op,

rwalker · 13/08/2023 20:31

Not ideal but I’d just suck it up

LakieLady · 13/08/2023 20:36

Crossstich · 13/08/2023 17:05

You are not being unreasonable and I don't blame you for complaining.
People should not blast loud music out in the garden . Even if it's only once a year that is too many times.
Ive been in the same position with a neighbour who does this and I know how horrible it is. It's impossible to get away from the noise or even to watch TV without hearing the noise.

When the neighbour at the back of me had a party a few weeks ago, I found that shutting the windows and doors of all the rooms at the back of my house muffled the noise perfectly well enough for me to watch tv and to get to sleep (which surprised me, because I'm a light sleeper).

To be honest, I've been more disturbed by cars playing loud music when dropping people off.

My NDN was well pissed off though, she reckoned the music outside went on till well after 3 am, and she didn't think of moving into the front for the night.

Wenfy · 13/08/2023 20:46

You need to cut him some slack. Anyone with kids in the house makes a lot more noise than they realise and it’s often constant.

morbidcuriosity · 13/08/2023 21:28

OMG! chill... could of been worse, could live next to someone who does this every weekend, or every night.. I think u were wrong to text the complaint. its once a year..

swanling · 13/08/2023 21:33

Also, he put his phone number on the flyer in case of problems so why he is cross when I used it to tell him there was a problem?

Your message was passive aggressive. Few people would appreciate that.

JockTamsonsBairns · 13/08/2023 21:45

YABU. It's been once a year. With the advance warning, I would have thought it would be so you could put ear plugs in for the night once you're in bed.
Yes, the flyer said the party would move inside earlier, but we all know what it's like - the drinks are flowing, everyone's having a brilliant night, and it's easy to lose track of time.

If this was a weekly habit, I can understand why you'd get pissed off. I wouldn't like that myself.
But, as a rare occasion, I would have sucked it up. And I definitely would have gone round for the early drinks!

LynetteScavo · 13/08/2023 21:49

I think you were both unreasonable- but sending a text is hardly calling the noise police, so he was far, far more unreasonable than you. He sounds like a huge drama queen with his "and blocked". His parties actually sound quite fun so I'd try to make up with him

readbooksdrinktea · 13/08/2023 21:54

Wenfy · 13/08/2023 20:46

You need to cut him some slack. Anyone with kids in the house makes a lot more noise than they realise and it’s often constant.

This. I wouldn't have sent PA messages.

amiold · 13/08/2023 21:58

Ohwell he's shown he expects do what he wants when he wants. Next time he does it I'd just ring the police and let them deal with it. It might make him worse but rinse and repeat. He's being a Nob if you have kids and it's 2am! Hardly reasonable.
I know it's rare but still

FeigningConcern · 13/08/2023 22:08

I think you are being unreasonable. It's one party a year.