Mother making her child's mother tongue a language she herself hardly knows

[AdoraLovesCake]

I have never done an AIBU before.

This morning I went to a cafe in the UK (where I live) with my 5 year old daughter.
A woman in front of me in the long queue turns around and asks my daughter how old she is. DD replies that she is five then goes to look at the cakes.
I then crouch down to the boy holding the woman's hand (he looked age 2 or 3) and I say "Hello little one, how old are you?"
He stares blankly at me and his mother says, "Oh no. He doesn't speak English." And I think "Ok, he doesn't speak at all."
But then his mother says, "He doesn't speak ENGLISH. He speaks Spanish. Even though my partner and I don't speak Spanish very well, and we intend to live in England forever. Our friend said Spanish was easy so we taught our son that. Then when he's older, he can learn English. He'll have a bigger brain by then.
She then was about to order and I saw her type into google translate for her son, "Do you want a cookie?"

Poor boy. Why would you teach your child as their first language a language that you don't know? He's going to turn into a five year old, not understanding anything anyone is saying, having to learn English, a very hard language. Babies will pick up their first language much easier won't they.

YABU: This is normal and a good approach to parenting
YANBU: Agree with OP, this is weird

xxxx Cora

What’s with all the troll threads this morning?? 🙄

Ha. I love that.

Not odd at all. Most of our early education is "for no real reason".

I would have loved to have sent my children to such a nursery. I would have chosen german as I lived there for a few years and speak it pretty well. My boys picking it up in such an early age would have benefitted us all.

So if she doesn’t know ‘would you like a …..’ in Spanish then how the fuck is she talking to this child at home in Spanish? Surely ‘do you want/would you like’ are phrases used most days by parents to small children.

And if this utter nonsense was true then it’s not in usual for a child to start school without a word of English. Children pick up language very quickly.
When a child is in a home where the home language isn’t the local language the advice is always for the parent to speak their first language as they need one language they are confident in before trying to learn another.

I have a friend who is English, her partner is a different European nationality but brought up in another European country. They lived in Wales and their child spoke Welsh at school, English with mum, one language with dad and then another language with grandma. They now like in England so I don’t think he speaks much Welsh now.

But all that aside this is utter rubbish.

But she won't retain that language at school as noone else in the family speaks it?

Depends. My kids just spent to a normal primary and learned Spanish from reception. Ds (13)is pretty fluent in it. Dd (19) not so much but she can speak Korean. I can’t speak either Spanish or Korean. I speak English, French and am learning Greek.

If this child goes to a school that does languages from early on, it will carry through.

It doesn’t work like that with language

Young children are sponges, so if she attends a Spanish speaking nursery from a toddler until school… she will absorb a great deal depending on how often at the nursery

and if she goes to prep school - Spanish may be one of the options. If it’s not, no doubt the parents will pay for a tutor.

and then almost certainly will be available at secondary

@Sugargliderwombat

i am very very competent in French

no one in my family knows a word of it

And @Sugargliderwombat

Short of you stalking this insta mother… how do you know that “no one” in the family speaks Spanish?

Did you learn it age 3 and never speak it again beyond 4 ?

Stalking haha, she is a medium / big influencer...I follow her... have you not used instagram ?

Children who don't keep speaking/ hearing a language once they start school don't retain it. That's why we advise parents who speak other languages to continue to speak this at home. Once they are in a mainstream school they can rapidly lose language. So sending a child to nursery a couple of times a week might seem like a good idea, it's pretty pointless unless you are planning to privately educate them in Spanish beyond age 4.

Except plenty of schools do teach Spanish from starting, so the child will already have a good grasp and continue to learn.

Why would the only other option be to teach it privately?

how do you know that this mother, who has taken the decision to send her child to a Spanish speaking nursery, won’t continue it? Very bizarre

So you think everyone fluent in a language had family speaking it in the home?

I started young (6) and no family
member ever spoke it at home or indeed anywhere

And I am pretty much fluent and have been since university