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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell my friend to organise her own birthday

52 replies

Champgal · 13/08/2023 09:09

My friend has asked me to organise a scavenger hunt for her birthday, her birthday falls on a date when I will be out of the country so wants me to throw it a week before the actual date so I can still organise and attend. Since organising it she’s done little to give me numbers for friends she wants, I have to chase her for information I need IE what time people can meet ect and I am also trying to plan my trip away which requires a LOT of preparation (I will be away hiking in Nepal for weeks). I have even recently got her a lead on a job at my work that she really wanted and even that was me chasing her up to reply. I feel like just saying to her that I no longer have time and she should just have a meal or something as it feels like I’m organising her life at the moment when I have my own stuff to worry about. Am I being unreasonable for feeling like my friend is happily chilling while I’m chasing up leads for things that are literally for her benefit?

OP posts:
Cloudsandrainnotsunandsand · 13/08/2023 09:13

When is your birthday op? Send her outlandish plans you expect for yours.. Then tomorrow suggest you both just make your own arrangements...

blackbeardsballsack · 13/08/2023 09:25

I find it so odd that your friend would expect you to organise her birthday? It's not a hen do! Tell her to do it herself!

Noodledoodledoo · 13/08/2023 09:29

If you want to do it tell her I need x, y, z by a set date, state if you find have it you are stepping back as don't have the time after that. Stick to it.

I would have previously been rubbish at this but I'm fed up of people taking the mick.

PacManMom · 13/08/2023 09:36

I'd just say you have to much going on, she needs to sort her own birthday out. What a strange request!

Bananalanacake · 13/08/2023 09:44

If she gets married tell her to get someone else to organise the hen party.

Morewineplease10 · 13/08/2023 09:46

She's being a cheeky fucker. Are you sure you want her working with you?!!

autienotnaughti · 13/08/2023 09:46

If you have agreed to do it and it's soon I'd probably do it and next time say no as you will be the bad guy for letting her down. If it's a while a way I'd just apologise and say your trip/work is full on a minute so someone else will need to sort it.

msbevvy · 13/08/2023 09:46

Totally bizarre. A whole new level of entitlement!
I couldn't be friends with someone so self-centred and thoughtless.

determinedtomakethiswork · 13/08/2023 09:48

Just crazy. Tell her you can't even spend one minute on this and she'll have to do it herself. Have a great holiday! It sounds amazing.

TriedTurningItOff · 13/08/2023 09:55

Eh? Of course it's down to every adult to organise their own birthday party. Why on earth would she expect you to organise hers, when you have so much on the go? You wouldn't organise an elaborate birthday party for yourself a week before holiday - why do hers? Tell her you don't have time.

JenniferBarkley · 13/08/2023 10:10

Obviously YANBU to think this is a ridiculous request, bit if you've told her you'll do it you'll need to back out asap so you don't let her down. Presumably she's not getting involved as she wants to take part in the scavenger hunt? Pull out now, explain you don't have time.

panko · 13/08/2023 10:10

Just book a pub

AtrociousCircumstance · 13/08/2023 10:14

Haha yeah just book a pub and say “Too busy to organise that ridiculous entitled fandango scavenger hunt, but let’s go here for a drink.”

But probably just say so sorry, I’m super busy and can’t organise this. Let me know what you’ve arranged for your birthday and hopefully I can be there 😊

MrsMoastyToasty · 13/08/2023 10:15

Is she 10 ???

HowToRedeem · 13/08/2023 10:22

How much do you like this friend @Champgal ? So far you've described a flaky, self absorbed CF.

Why did you say yes to this [ridiculous] request? How do you think she would've reacted if you said no?

ToDoListAddict · 13/08/2023 10:24

Unless she's organised amazing birthday parties for you, you're not being unreasonable.
I've always organised my own birthday parties and had no issue with the lack of help because it was my idea to have a party.
My sister on the other hand seems to think I need to organise (and pay for!) all her milestone birthday parties!
When she asked what I was planning for her 40th, I told her - nothing! She can arrange her own party! She was a little taken aback as to her it seems totally fair that I spend hundreds on organising a party for her but she can't even get me a card for my 40th!
Oh and even other friends & family members - oh you throw such great parties! Can you help me with mine?
NO! I'm not a party planner and I'm not bank rolling your parties!

moonriverandme · 13/08/2023 10:25

Does she see you as her personal assistant? Tell her no, it's too much for you & she needs to do it herself.

GreenKimono · 13/08/2023 10:26

Why on earth did you say yes to this? Are you known for your ability to organise particularly brilliant scavenger hunts or something? Or is your friend under the impression a friend is ‘supposed’ to organise your birthday, like a bridesmaid or MOH is ‘supposed’ to organise a hen party?

GreenKimono · 13/08/2023 10:27

I wouldn’t give it another moments thought. Just tell her you haven’t got time. And say more about hiking in Nepal, which sounds wonderful!

Whowhatwherewhenwhy1 · 13/08/2023 10:30

Just say sorry it is taking up more time than you have available and is impacting your ability to adequately prepare and train for your trek so unfortunately you will have to pull out. Still find it weird how so may mumsnetters cannot say no.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 13/08/2023 10:34

Wait. Can I just ask my friends to carry out tasks for me?

It would be really helpful because my car insurance is coming up for renewal and I haven't sorted out activities for my son when we're in Ireland next week and I need someone to work out how the fuck to change the fecking bulbs from my downlights. If I can just dump that stuff on other people it would change my life!

Avatartar · 13/08/2023 10:38

Tell her that due to her non responses to queries around the party, you couldn’t organise it and have run out of time now with other deadlines etc and she’ll have to finalise the detail and then do it herself

mrswhiplington · 13/08/2023 10:43

What's a scavenger hunt? Sounds like she wants to go rooting through the local tip.

autienotnaughti · 13/08/2023 10:51

mrswhiplington · 13/08/2023 10:43

What's a scavenger hunt? Sounds like she wants to go rooting through the local tip.

When dd turned 18 she wanted a scavenger hunt. I did it because she turned 18 in lock down so she was already getting a rough deal

GreenKimono · 13/08/2023 11:09

mrswhiplington · 13/08/2023 10:43

What's a scavenger hunt? Sounds like she wants to go rooting through the local tip.

A set of tasks that individuals or groups compete to complete first, which can be themed according to the area etc. A city one might tell participants to find and photograph

a street sign with the letter Q in it
a payphone
a pub sign with an animal on it
Themselves shaking hands with a statue
someone walking two dogs or more
a fountain
a hairdresser with a bad play on words in the name (Curl Up And Dye, Hairport)
a blue plaque to a woman
a shop/house number containing the number 7
A busker

etc

Set a strict time limit. Winning team is the one who’s managed most of the ‘tasks’.