to tell my friend to organise her own birthday

[Champgal]

My friend has asked me to organise a scavenger hunt for her birthday, her birthday falls on a date when I will be out of the country so wants me to throw it a week before the actual date so I can still organise and attend. Since organising it she’s done little to give me numbers for friends she wants, I have to chase her for information I need IE what time people can meet ect and I am also trying to plan my trip away which requires a LOT of preparation (I will be away hiking in Nepal for weeks). I have even recently got her a lead on a job at my work that she really wanted and even that was me chasing her up to reply. I feel like just saying to her that I no longer have time and she should just have a meal or something as it feels like I’m organising her life at the moment when I have my own stuff to worry about. Am I being unreasonable for feeling like my friend is happily chilling while I’m chasing up leads for things that are literally for her benefit?

I was being a bit flippant when I asked what a scavenger hunt was. I honestly didn't know. It sounds like fun but I don't think I'd want organise one. Thanks for the explanation GreenKimono.

No way would I organise one for a grown ass friend tho

This is perfect!! Print out everyone a sheet at work on your lunch and jobs a gooden. The winner wins a bottle of Lidl proscecco for £7 and a silly poundland trophy. Then it's down to your best mate to arrange a time and place for all the guests so you don't have to organise the people- which let's face it, is the worse part.

Hey, what about my Scavenger Hunt consulting fee?

Or do a scavenger hunt through charity shops - set each team a £10 max spend.

Categories include:
Ugliest item of clothing
Ugliest ornament
A costume - stupidest one wins
Something orange
Something with a musical note on it

You get the drift!

Set a 1 hour timer then all meet in the pub to show off all your shit

You earned it! X

Or alternatively, just don’t organise anything, because the OP is not her friend’s personal assistant and event planner.

OP, tell your friend you’re not in a position to organise her birthday celebration for her because she’s an adult and she can organise it herself like any other adult would.

Noodledoodledoo

If you want to do it tell her I need x, y, z by a set date, state if you find have it you are stepping back as don't have the time after that. Stick to it.

I would have previously been rubbish at this but I'm fed up of people taking the mick.

100% this

Tell her to pay a company to do it like
https://magpie.team/dash/events

Of course it isn't unreasonable, why on earth is she expecting you to organise it in the first place? Is it a 'big' birthday that you promised to do something for?

How do people get like this? What happens to them to think they’re entitled to being pandered to like this?

’sorry - won’t have time to do the scavenger hunt - have a great day’ and then put her out of your mind.

Will your effort be reciprocated? Does your friend organise your birthday parties? If not, then tell her your life is too busy and you can't organise her scavenger hunt.

Honestly, I assume they exist in a symbiotic clusterfuck with the disproportionate numbers of people on Mn who find it mysteriously impossible to say no, and then come on here to describe the ‘cheeky fuckers’ who take advantage of them, with apparently zero capacity to act to change the situation. AND the same people then complain of having no friends when they need them, but take no responsibility for contributing to a dynamic where they have encouraged their circle to treat them like robot service providers with no needs of their own.

OMG! WTF! Tell her to organise it herself!

I’d struggle to tolerate someone behaving in this spoiled -brattish fashion. Who needs a twit like this as a friend?

@GreenKimono

True story 👌🏾

Why did you ever say yes in the first place?

To clarify, she said since it’s a milestone birthday (30) she wanted to do something fun that was inexpensive but that could take people around multiple locations. I mentioned doing a scavenger hunt and that I had one previously and had also been to a friends. She loved the idea but said she would have no idea how to organise and asked if I could do it for her as a birthday favour. I agreed and said I could if she could arrange the numbers and get me the information I needed, she agreed. Since then I have had to ask her several times for guest info, times people are available ect and it’s just been me chasing her repeatedly for this info. I have changed the plans already to accomodate the needs of people but am still waiting for info to make bookings ect. I took the advice of people on here and have given her a time limit of this weekend to provide the info or I won’t be able to go ahead as my travel is in 3 weeks and I have to organise the details for that

Actually my post is not how do I say no, it’s an I being unreasonable for potentially sacking off her birthday planning if I don’t get the logistics from her. I tried to do a nice thing for my friend which I was more then happy to do before I realised how much time was going to be consumed by chasing people up on her behalf. I have given her a firm deadline for planning now and if the info I need isn’t given to me by then she knows I won’t do it

She's a cf for sure. Tell her no and you don't even have to give her an explanation. Asking a friend to do something a personal assistant would do is a complete bs. I wouldn't make a smartshow 3d birthday video for her after that, let alone planning a whole scavenger hunt.

God, what a palavar! Can't you all just get some MDMA and go clubbing like we did in the old days?!
What do you have to book? Will it cost you or the other invitees extra money? The CoL crisis is real and maybe people aren't committing due to money worries.

So it was your idea and now she can't be bothered. So presumably she's not keen on it. Just let her know you are out of time to organise anything now but you'd love to see her around her birthday (if you would) .

Is your friend a child? What a weird birthday activity. And definitely say you can’t do it, I’ve never heard of a friend organising another friends birthday, apart from maybe booking a pub or meal

You would be unreasonable to continue as it is. Bin the project.

I think cos you've agreed, you might need to see it through.

Though tbh it sounds like my idea of hell and maybe she's put the feelers out and numbers are low. I bet drop out rate is high too.