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Original poster

Why do so many mums bang on about their parenting styles?

87 replies

hungrycrocodile23 · 13/08/2023 08:23

This is a thing I've noticed a lot lately. It's not just the stealth boasting about holidays and days out anymore, it's actual monologues about parenting styles.

I have a few people on my socials who do it. Just this week I've seen someone put up a long winded post about car seats and why rear facing are so important and why her son won't be forward facing until he's 11 and how she 'can't believe other parents allow it'.

Another one who is into gentle parenting and constantly posting about the benefits of contact naps and allowing kids the freedom to express themselves. Often closeted digs at those who do things differently.

I even saw someone write a FB post about Santa and how her daughter would not be taught to believe that she had to be good in order to get presents because she is free to express herself how she wants to and will be rewarded regardless. That one created a bit of a debate.

I suppose you could argue that the car seat stuff and things like breastfeeding posts are raising awareness but honestly...it just seems like everyone wants everyone else to know just how much of a superior parent they are these days.

Yes, I know the option to unfollow is there but these are otherwise nice people. I just don't understand the constant need to wax lyrical about your own parenting styles and values. We all parent our own way, why does anyone else need to know about it?

OP posts:
EmmaPaella · 13/08/2023 08:50

smilesup · 13/08/2023 08:47

It's the rise of the influencer. When mine were little it was attachment parents that would go on about it online. In RL they were all knackered as they got no decent sleep for years and were shouting at their kids all the time.
I was PFB nob about weaning and very glad I never told anyone else my pearls of wisdom.

Attachment parenters are the reason I spent my first year looking like a ghost. I at least kept my five minutes’ of ‘wisdom’ to myself.

Miscellaneousme · 13/08/2023 08:50

This is why social media is so shite. Simple solution is to just not use it!

Simonjt · 13/08/2023 08:52

hungrycrocodile23 · 13/08/2023 08:48

But why have some people decided it's their responsibility to inform everyone else about car seat safety or the benefits of breastfeeding? There's plenty of official evidence based information out there if people want to find it.

They must think they are very important to have decided it's their job to educate every other parent.

I have a few of these types who I am FB friends with, in every case they’re very lonely individuals who have absolutely nothing going on in their life, so being a parent (and a neurotic one) is their only personality trait.

Ohyousillydivvy · 13/08/2023 08:53

JMSA · 13/08/2023 08:32

My parenting style is getting us all through life as unscathed as possible Grin

I agree with this sentiment 100%

If I can get to the end of the day without us injured or dead or me in a recovery clinic then it's a win.

MintJulia · 13/08/2023 08:56

YukoandHiro · 13/08/2023 08:36

It's when people are deep in the young child bit and they don't have anything else going on in their life so they make parenting their whole identity. I think I probably did this a bit, with posts about breastfeeding. Youngest is now 3 and finally I'm busy enough in "real" life outside the home to not resort to thinking I have anything to say about parenting.

This.

I didn't have time to read up on parenting styles - full-time working single mum without support - so I just went with love, instinct, common sense and specific research if I hit a problem.

But I guess stay at home mums who have committed themselves to 5 or10 years of devoted parenting, want to be the very best informed that they can be. No harm in that.

BlueWhippets · 13/08/2023 08:57

hungrycrocodile23 · 13/08/2023 08:48

But why have some people decided it's their responsibility to inform everyone else about car seat safety or the benefits of breastfeeding? There's plenty of official evidence based information out there if people want to find it.

They must think they are very important to have decided it's their job to educate every other parent.

But why is that an issue? I didn't know about ERF until someone I went to school with posted a few posts about it. If I hadn't known that I would have probably just gone to John Lewis or somewhere and got the seat they recommended 🤷🏼‍♀️

PersephonePomegranate23 · 13/08/2023 09:04

Because something is lacking in their lives and they're using SM as a platform to be heard and feel validated as a person.

Ohyousillydivvy · 13/08/2023 09:08

My sil is like this, she thinks she's knowledgeable about everything & her role in life is to educate the stupid masses. Even if she has no experience in a subject, she will have to preach because she's the 'expert'. There are people like this and no amount of reasoning with them makes them any less annoying. So I grey rock and ignore mostly but I do give in to the urge to annoy her sometimes!

Sabrinasummersamples · 13/08/2023 09:10

Kind of not really the point of the thread but how exactly can any kid above around age 4 go in a rear facing car seat? Where the hell do their legs go? Honestly I genuinely don't understand how that would even work?

cloudydays97 · 13/08/2023 09:12

Sabrinasummersamples · 13/08/2023 09:10

Kind of not really the point of the thread but how exactly can any kid above around age 4 go in a rear facing car seat? Where the hell do their legs go? Honestly I genuinely don't understand how that would even work?

Agreed and also wouldn't you need a larger then normal car to make it work?

meganorks · 13/08/2023 09:27

I don't think your issue is parenting knobs, it's social media knobs. If people are banging on about this kind of stuff in person all the time, then just give them a wide berth for a bit till they chill out. But if it's people on social media, just ignore them.

AlanJohnsonsBeamer · 13/08/2023 09:32

I quit SM a long time before I had DS and I'm so glad I did.

I used to get annoyed with the constant MLM posts, health posts and positivity quotes. Can't even imagine how annoying the parenting ones would be.

WandaWonder · 13/08/2023 09:36

If I am not interested in someone I don't have them on my social media

Wenfy · 13/08/2023 09:36

I just quiety do my own thing with DC - babyled weaning, breastfeeding until 4, sports / exercise everyday, eating family dinners at the table, strict bedtimes etc etx. But my siblings still take offence even when I don’t really talk about what I do. Just mute or unfollow them, jealousy helps no one.

cornflakesandtea · 13/08/2023 09:41

I once got handed two books on gentle parenting by a "friend" who thought my parenting wasn't up to scratch. I didn't read them. My kids are young teens now and they seem to be doing well!
This was 10 years ago so evangelical parenting is not even a recent thing!

ploverq · 13/08/2023 09:44

Wenfy · 13/08/2023 09:36

I just quiety do my own thing with DC - babyled weaning, breastfeeding until 4, sports / exercise everyday, eating family dinners at the table, strict bedtimes etc etx. But my siblings still take offence even when I don’t really talk about what I do. Just mute or unfollow them, jealousy helps no one.

Not that quietly 😄

Anxioys · 13/08/2023 09:45

They have no lives of their own and are washed up? See also life coaching etc

Kids haven't read these books, and this stuff is for the clueless.

Choice4567 · 13/08/2023 09:50

Ha I’d love to see my 5’1, 10 year old try and squash into a rear facing seat

RudsyFarmer · 13/08/2023 09:55

They are ‘educating’ the unclean. Same with all the influencers and activists. There’s a right way to do it and the way everyone else does it. I see it as no different from television evangelists.

Elephantsdontlikechocolate · 13/08/2023 09:58

Wenfy · 13/08/2023 09:36

I just quiety do my own thing with DC - babyled weaning, breastfeeding until 4, sports / exercise everyday, eating family dinners at the table, strict bedtimes etc etx. But my siblings still take offence even when I don’t really talk about what I do. Just mute or unfollow them, jealousy helps no one.

...co-sleeping till 23 or older, only feeding them breastmilk ice cream and sweets, let them pooh on a whim in the living room etc
There is a small chance your post wasn't tongue in cheek in which case you are practicing emotional, physical and sexual abuse and damaging your children greatly.

Mefe92427 · 13/08/2023 10:04

What is beneficial to some may not be beneficial to you or your children so do what works best for you and them.

Neither one of my boys were breastfed (couldn't/struggled) and they are no differences between them and the other children.

People need to focus on their own kids and stop posting everything on FB, telling e rryone how to be "better". There is no one size fits all when it comes to children and parenting.

You do you x

JenniferBarkley · 13/08/2023 10:06

My pet peeve is when slogans or "facts" get posted and reposted on an image with some flowers or other shit, making people think it's real and to be followed at all costs without any research into where this has come from. But they've seen it regularly so it must be true and followed At All Costs. Typical example "food before one is just for fun". A phrase to reassure parents of reluctant weaners is used to justify one year olds existing purely on breast milk with non existent iron stores.

Another is the FACTS about RFing being 1000% (or whatever large seeming number) safer - but it's in one particular type of collision, and it's 1000% of a tiny tiny number. No nuance that allows people critically evaluate it and conclude that actually in their case their kid screams and vomits when RFing and the vast majority of their trips are low speed anyway so the 1000% isn't actually worth it for them. They are Bad Parents who Do Not Care About Safety. INTERNAL DECAPITATION!!!!1!!

HR313 · 13/08/2023 10:08

I have noticed this a lot too recently. I was talking to a ‘mum friend’ the other day and she has bf both her children, I couldn’t for various reasons and I think she knows deep down I would have loved to but she brought it up again the other day (she’s still bf her nearly two year old) and said that it’s expected that formula fed babies sleep through and she is amazed that my formula fed youngest child doesn’t sleep through. She certainly isn’t the first and last one to bf a child, but I’m getting to the point of just not bothering with mum friends anymore. The constant digs etc on parenting styles - id rather have no mum friends and be happy just doing whatever with my children. I’ve been let down by a couple of mum friends too these past few months so I think that’s swaying my decision to get rid of them in my life! I clearly don’t mean much to them!

Clefable · 13/08/2023 10:09

@Elephantsdontlikechocolate That poster is practising sexual abuse??? What the fuck are you on about? 

Parker231 · 13/08/2023 10:11

DaisyAndDonaldDuck · 13/08/2023 08:27

It sounds like you’re feeling insecure about the way you parent if these posts are getting to you so I would have a think about why that might be.

In the case of ERF it is very important to spread that information far and wide because it unfortunately hasn’t hit the mainstream yet, but it’s getting there and this is how it does that.

It’s important parents are made aware of what is safest for their child even if they choose to ignore it, because at least then they’ve made an informed choice.

We moved DT’s into forward facing seats when they were about 14 months. Happy with our choices but it’s our choice and not something I expect anyone else to comment on.