Dating someone you aren't physically attracted to

[namechangeychangechang]

But who is a really nice person, adores you and treats you well. Can it ever work? Does the attraction grow over time?

No!

What about attraction and chemistry? I'd much rather have that with a poor man, than none with a rich man who gave me money and gifts.

Attraction can grow or disappear. Chemistry doesn't pay the bills. We're just different, I guess. Poor is not sexy to me.

I think it's insane to make a life decision based on fanny flutters. The intense sexual pull can quicky develop into an ick once you know more about them.

100% agree. Soon or later you will feel resentful

But no one is talking about committing to marriage and kids as a result of some fanny flutters experiencing in the first flush of a relationship!

And of course the initial attraction can wear off as you find out more about someone as other traits come to the fore, which is why it's unwise to make any commitment to someone for a couple of years.

Attraction can grow or disappear

So can money!

This

You're not in love with him then, so what's the point?

I've seen this on here a lot and I genuinely don't understand why people would get this far down the road with someone they're not into.

See, I can't get on board with this. There are people out there with hideous facial injuries/deformities. Are they meant to stay single forever?

You're equating looks and chemistry/attraction, they're two different things.

But also yes, no-one is owed sex and a relationship regardless of how sad their circumstances are.

I can pay my own bills, so this is besides the point to me.

I'm the odd one out as I don't feel attraction for anyone ever, so it can be very, very difficult to have to have sex. I would imagine if I actually felt anything at all it would be amazing. Don't force yourself - trust me, it's very mentally damaging over time. Or even, just one time.

Give it a few years and you'll be just as attractive as he is.

Sounds harsh, but looks fade. I don't know many over the age of 40 I'd say look great, so you might as well find someone whose personality you love.

It's not about looks, its about chemistry and attraction. It astounds me that people don't understand the difference. Do you honestly think that no couples in their 60s have sexual attraction and chemistry with their partners?? It's that 'indefinable something' that separates friendship from relationship. If you don't think it exists, you clearly have never experienced it which is sad.

And also saying that people over 40 are unattractive is just absolute insanity 🤣🤣🤣 my husband is in his 40s, he lools a lot different to when I met him but I still fancy the absolute arse off him!

@Seaswimmingforthesoul thank you! I'm amazed at how many people don't seem to understand this, but everything you've said is spot on.

I actually wonder sometimes if especially women have been so conditioned to not put their own needs first, or suppress their sexuality, or just something, that they can't recognise attraction or don't think it's important.

This is such terrible advice.

I'm attracted to someone older. He has wrinkles and is no Brad Pitt. But I'm attracted to the twinkle in his eye and the way he carries himself in the world.