Dating someone you aren't physically attracted to

[namechangeychangechang]

But who is a really nice person, adores you and treats you well. Can it ever work? Does the attraction grow over time?

You’re

i don’t think this is the one for you op. If you try to pursue it, at some point in the future you’ll end up taking it a step too far with the furniture delivery guy or whoever and really hurt him. Best to call it a day now.

Free him up for someone who might fancy him.

There are so so many fanciable men out there, that's why even your delivery driver is one. You won't find it hard to meet someone you do actually fancy

@namechangeychangechang does your name begin with L?

Hi, no, R 😊

Sounds awful, but I'm just not attracted to men under 6'. Small men often have Small hands and feminine fingers freaks me the fuck out. I just can't help but stare. I tried once to get over that he was maybe 5'8 but claimed he was 5'9 wore shoes with a heel ( yep heels about inch and a bit high) Small hands and very disappointing else. Was what I thought was a nice guy but he actually gave me the creeps after awhile and had to go.

I have a co-worker who has exactly the same dilemma shorter guy, very nice, just doesn't quite do it for her (she also said she was out this weekend, so couldn't be having furniture delivered) but he's better than all the other guys she seen recently!
She keeps putting off dumping him as he's nice, polite, treats her like a lady...

No. If you don't fancy him now you're not going to fancy him later. You want to have sex with someone you don't fancy? Good luck with that.

Ahh! It's such a shame. I know he isn't that much shorter than me, but it means I can't wear my heeled ankle boots which I love to wear during autumn/winter with tights and dresses. Well, I can of course, but I'd feel very self conscious stood next to him. My ex was 6'5 which doesn't exactly help!

I was going to ask if you have had sex, but I see you have. I have found before that I can not really fancy someone that much but then shag them and the attraction grows after that, because it's so good, the chemistry is great of whatever. (I know it doesn't sound like a sensible thing to do - I have made strange dating choices in the past I admit!) .

But if you are shagging and you are actively not looking forward to it, I don't see how that would easily change? So definitely time to end it.

For me there has to be chemistry there

If he doesn't make your heart flutter you are selling yourself short. My DH has been away, working for 3 days. I can't wait for him to get back home tomorrow morning and we've been married 18 years. He's been sending me flirty messages today.

Aw caring, that made me smile :-)

I know I'm going to have to have the conversation. Just feel terrible about it! He's such a gentleman and has done so many lovely things for me, including DIY in my house (which I didn't ask him to do!) He's a handyman, generally lovely, perfect on paper. Wants a family. So do I...Just not with him :-(

I have gone out with a few guys who had a personality I was attracted to, rather than appearance. I did end up physically fancying them in the end, but it was a slow start.
I am a woman who is below average in appearance, and I have been a slow burner for some guys I have been out with too.

I had a relationship with somebody who was actually ugly, but we just clicked. We had a lot in common, he made me laugh, we had fun, and sex was part of that.
If you aren't attracted to him at all, even on an intellectual level, then I don't think you are suited, sorry.

Why do you feel like you need to force yourself to fancy your boyfriend? Dump and move on. There are plenty of nice guys out there and you'll find someone you vibe with. You cant meet Mr Right (morally) if you are with Mr Wrong.

I can’t work out what you’re doing either, why are you dating him and shagging him? Keep him as a mate, but you should never force yourself to be with someone and force yourself to have sex with him. End it.

are you comparing him to your ex? Are you still hung up on the ex? I can’t see why his height is relevant otherwise.

Depends. Do you find them genuinely ugly or are they just not your usual type physically?

I didn't think 'PHWOAR!' when I first saw DH. I didn't find him hideous or anything, he just wasn't my usual type. But as our emotional connection grew so did the physical attraction and I find him very attractive now. I don't think the attraction necessarily has to be instant but one definitely does need to develop if the relationship has any hope of lasting IMO.

It’s really hard (painful actually) when you like everything but just don’t fancy them. Especially if they’ve done a lot for you and the house. It just gets more and more difficult to end as it goes on, and ends up more distressing. It’s not a situation I ever want to be in again.

I think it’s the difference between loving someone and being in love with them.

Sometimes fake it until you make it just doesn't work. I've been physically attracted to men who if I hadn't known them I would have thought "Nope, not my type." but they were just so lovely that they seemed sexy as all get out. I've never been able to push the attraction when it's not there and way back in the day I've had sex with someone hoping that would make the attraction really kick in. It didn't.

How did you get to the point of having a sexual relationship with someone you don't feel any attraction towards? Like the first time did you just have sex with him cos you thought you ought to and then didn't know how to stop?

I think it's cruel.
If your BF is that kind and lovely, then he deserves someone who abdolutely adores, appreciates and fancies the pants off him.
Leave him, and do it in a kind way.

Never ever ever works. Will always be resentment on both sides especially sexually.

This ^

You aren’t actually doing him any favours by staying with him, free him so he can find someone who will find him attractive.

It’s okay to want to be physically attracted to your partner! You sound like you care about his feelings and breaking up always sucks, but you both deserve to find mutual attraction. Life is short! There has to be some inkling of a physical spark.