AIBU or are those gushy mum posts on social media just a bit much sometimes

[Dracarys1]

This is my first AIBU post but I was spurred on reading a Facebook shared post that basically implied that in order to be a good mother you have to prioritise your child over everything else in your life. It was one of those gushy ones that I seem to see all the time. And it made me feel really uncomfortable. Don't get me wrong, I have two small children and I love them to the ends of the earth. I'm also a SAHM so I do often live and breathe my children. But I hate the narrative that in order to be a good mother you have to pretty much sacrifice everything that makes you you for your little ones every whim. I don't think it's healthy for mum's to feel that if they are to be good mothers they have to always sacrifice themselves. I'll try to post the text in question because it really bothered me that this is the way some women feel they have to be in order to be good enough. Its unrealistic and puts so much pressure on mums to feel they are doing a good job. And people post them under a supportive guise but it actually just makes most normal mums feel a bit shit. So anyway AIBU or does anyone hate this sort of post?!

This is the post:

Motherhood is choosing your children again and again⁣⁣
and again.⁣⁣
⁣⁣
It’s not being able to go out for that dinner with friends you planned because one of your children has a fever. It’s choosing them.⁣⁣
⁣⁣
It’s not being able to talk on the phone with a friend because your children are loud and wild in the background. It’s choosing them.⁣⁣
⁣⁣
It’s not going on vacation because it conflicts with a dance recital your child has been practicing for and has been excited about for months. It’s choosing them.⁣⁣
⁣⁣
It’s not going for drinks after work because your child won’t fall asleep until his head’s resting on your chest. It’s choosing them.⁣⁣
⁣⁣
And you may not want to choose them every time—⁣
you may have been looking forward to that dinner,⁣⁣
that trip to the Bahamas,⁣⁣
that time to unwind—⁣
but you do.⁣⁣
⁣⁣
Because the moment your baby’s born,⁣⁣
you become 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳𝘴. ⁣⁣
⁣⁣
So, they come first,⁣⁣
no matter what.⁣
⁣
Because motherhood is choosing your children again and again⁣⁣
and again.⁣⁣
❤❤❤

They sound like a right laugh.

🤮

What a load of shit. I mean obviously most of us would prioritise a sick child over socialising but why on earth wouldn't you chat to your friend the phone? It won't kill the kids to be quiet for a while.

It’s not being able to talk on the phone with a friend because your children are loud and wild in the background. It’s choosing them.⁣⁣ not really a choice

She sounds like the mother of one of those ghastly overindulged brats no normal person wants anything to do with.

Oh my. How cringey. You have to assume that at some point these people realise how they are viewed. It's as bad as the performance marriages you see. The only people I know who do that are the ones trying to convince themselves they have the perfect marriage when they are one step away from divorce. Maybe it's the same with the performance mums.

Oh ffs, I’m also fed up with this gushing shite. The kids should shut the fuck up if you’re talking to a friend on the phone. I mean, I’d prioritise them if they were sick obviously, but the rest is just a load of bollocks for mums to beat themselves up with.

Positively vomitous.

Social media is by and large a load of bolllocks anyway, so this type of bilge is par for the course.

I mean it's clearly a pile of shite.

But I disagree with you saying but it actually just makes most normal mums feel a bit shit.

I'm not sure I know anyone who takes any notice of this sort of internet crap.

Maybe some might but I doubt it's 'most normal mums'.

I know a few parents like this and they’re kind of a nightmare and so are their kids. They also have wet drips of husbands who “can’t” get the kids down to sleep themselves so they ring a dozen times during a meal out. Or they cancel plans at the last minute all the frickin time.

I saw one earlier about how your body is theirs, too. 🤨

That was a shared post from a Facebook group that seems to specialise in those sorts of 'motivational' quotes. I seem to see loads of this type of post but this one particularly bothered me because it just seems a bit like mum shaming because any mother who quite rightly has things for herself will be made to feel guilty for it with posts like these

To add, some days my kids drive me absolutely batshit. And that's ok. You never get this kind of hokum written about dads. Always mothers and that insidious pressure that if you're not utterly jubilant about every nanosecond of parenthood, you're doing it wrong.

Also, I don’t think kids should come first all the time to be fair. Maybe when they’re tiny babies and totally helpless but children need to learn that they aren’t the centre of the whole world and that other people around them have needs too.

Good luck to those mums when their kids hit the teen years and go off with their mates and the mums look round for their friends and ….oops they don’t have any.

Personally I think that if I didn't sometimes prioritise my own needs and make time for myself, I'd be a far shitter mum than I am, because I'd be far more stressed and my mental health would be on the floor. Those posts are a load of rubbish and I tend to find that those I know who post them are very insecure about their own parenting and in some cases feeling guilty about the lack of time they spend with their children, but have an image to upkeep.

It’s this indulgence and the consequences thereof that is making the teaching profession leave in droves. Sometimes children need to be told that mummy is on the phone and they should lump it and get on with it. Resilience and knowing you are not centre of the entire universe would do modern children a world of good.

So yes it’s toxic op. But why do women fall for this guilt trip? I’m sure this isn’t a problem among dads!

It didn't make me feel a bit shit. It did make me think 'oh fuck off'

This kind of shit makes my blood boil. Of course a sick child is a priority but otherwise,the sooner they learn they are not the centre of the universe the better!
I gave up everything for mine and resented them because of it. I love them, but I lost myself. Now they are adults and I am older and wiser,I regret the wasted years when i was " mum" but nothing else.
I have had to work hard to get past this. Today I went to a yoga class followed by a sea swim. So much better for me than giving every minute of my free time to my kids.

Oh gawd it’s a bit much and not helpful at all for the majority of mums who cant always do that and constantly feel sh*t as it is

Of course you give up a lot for them and they will always come first, but the way it’s written is awful

I want to add that the opposite situation is shit too. Mummy is addicted to her smartphone and only shows you attention when you wants you to pose as a happy family for her fake-book page.

There needs to be a happy medium.

Yanbu. What a load a puke worthy shit. I just roll my eyes when I see stuff like that.

Meh, it's FB which is mostly just shite. Made up best day ever only present your best self fantasy. Like friend posting a montage of the best mums on the world. All of his current wife and his actual kids mums conveniently erased from reality. Everyone loves it. Everyone knows they have a real mum. It's just preformance BS