How to talk to children about the word “fat”?

[Bodyqqqqq]

This morning, my six year old looked at me coming out the shower and said (not cruelly) “fat”. And I said “what’s fat?” And he said “your tummy”.

I’m not “fat”, I just have a squashy mum tum. I don’t feel hurt, though layers of “fat is bad” narrative stuffed into my head by society made it a little hard to hear!

How do I talk to him about using the word “fat” to describe people’s bodies? It could hurt the feelings of someone else. But equally, I don’t want him to think “fat is bad”.

Help!

When my kids at a similar age said same "your tummy is fat" I just said "why thank you. Just remember that people who aren't mummy often don't like hearing their bodies talked about by other people, so let's keep that as an "at home" conversation."

As they got older we talked about health and different bodies. We talked about people we love and would we love them any more or less if they were a different shape or weighed more or less and how other people's bodies are not our business.

I hope we have had a healthy narrative around bodies but time will tell I guess.

Never had to teach my ds anything indepth about specific words, just to be kind. Are you overthinking this one?

"A squishy mum tum" is more than likely fat. There's really no need to sit down and speak to a 6 year old about this word, perhaps a point that it isn't always nice to comment on people's appearances. But the word fat should remain a neutral factual word. She wasn't using it as an insult, it sounds like you were just being oversensitive.

My children said this to me once. I said yes it is a little bit. It stretched when I was expecting you.
Its just fat.

I think you're also overthinking a little.

I don’t think there’s any harm in teaching them that it’s not a practically kind remark, whether someone is fat or not, and while you might not care, someone else might be hurt.

Really no need to pretend that ‘fat’ doesn’t have hurtful connotations, as some posters are claiming.

Fat is used to describe loads of things that aren’t bodies so I think it would be confusing to treat it as a special case.

Beside the point probably but on these threads people always say they instruct their kids to never comment on what people look like and I think that’s so unrealistic.

I’ve got a young child and a baby and DD hears a constant stream of adults talking about her hair colour, how tall she is, nail varnish if she’s wearing any, her clothes, how chubby her baby brother is, the colour of his eyes etc etc etc.

Adults do it all the time and you can tell children not to comment unkindly on what other people look like or are wearing but it’s daft to try and stop them commenting at all.

But it’s not straight forward is it. Saying a baby is fat is always seen as positive and a compliment so for a young child where do you expect them to draw a line?

I think the key thing with the word fat is not to allow them to associate it with being a bad person or a lazy person or a stupid person or a greedy person all of which people regularly assume if someone is fat. Is it healthy to be fat? No, but someone being fat does not mean anything else about them. I've definitely talked to my kids about the negative stereotypes associated with people being fat. Age appropriate of course. So if it is simply an observation I would go along with it and acknowledge if true. If it was said as a negative I would be talking to them about being kind and also polite - passing comment on people's appearance is generally rude.

I’ve never referred to a baby as fat, personally.

When my kids mention someone being fat or such, I say "yes, some people have bigger bodies than others. We're all different and that's what makes us great, but it's rude to comment on other people's bodies". I place no value on the term, positive or negative, and treat it like any other descriptive word. It's the commenting on other people's bodies that I make clear is not to be done, regardless of intent.

If he calls another pupil or teacher at school fat he would likely be told off. Calling someone fat is never going to get a positive response. I just tell my kids we don't call people fat or use that word to describe people because it isn't nice. I wouldn't call a baby fat either.

I think this is great - this is what I will do next time. I was trying to think of a way to express that, without making fat being a bad thing or a shameful thing. (Ie I thought: “don’t call someone fat! You’ll hurt their feelings!” = being fat must be a bad thing then.)

Chubby maybe, never fat

Fat is fat! We don’t like the truth unfortunately. We even have people calling themselves curvy when they’re actually just fat.

But being fat is a bad thing. When is being fat ever desirable?

To be honest if more people just told it like it is we probably wouldn’t have such an obesity problem.

Pretending people aren’t fat when they are is ridiculous.

I wouldn’t focus on the word fat at all and instead focus on how it’s rude to make any comment about anyone else’s appearance unless you’re telling them you like something.

I’ve known a couple of children become quite perplexed when others have accurately and fairly used the word fat to describe an animal or object or something because their parents have told them it’s a rude word when it clearly isn’t.

"It's rude to make comments on people's appearance. Whether they are small, tall, larger, or bony. I am happy and healthy and I love my mum tum as it gave me you. Do you like your tummy?"

It's not about pretending people aren't fat. I've never met a fat person who wasn't aware of the fact.
Why do you think telling someone to their face they are fat would solve the obesity crisis?
Fat people have been called names for years, doesn't seem to have solved anything so far 🤷🏼‍♀️

It is rude and unkind to make personal remarks, end of conversation!

What is it with the nastiness towards women’s bodies today? MN really does hate women.