How to talk to children about the word “fat”?

[Bodyqqqqq]

This morning, my six year old looked at me coming out the shower and said (not cruelly) “fat”. And I said “what’s fat?” And he said “your tummy”.

I’m not “fat”, I just have a squashy mum tum. I don’t feel hurt, though layers of “fat is bad” narrative stuffed into my head by society made it a little hard to hear!

How do I talk to him about using the word “fat” to describe people’s bodies? It could hurt the feelings of someone else. But equally, I don’t want him to think “fat is bad”.

Help!

My child’s use of the word fat as an insult came from school. They have an unhealthy preoccupation with their own body unfortunately and their friends throw that word around to be cruel.

I decided to come at it from the viewpoint that I had a deep gratitude to my body for being healthy and strong. For giving me the energy to be an active and supportive mother. To give me two wonderful healthy children etc etc. they felt like shit afterwards lol so my work was done 🤣. Hasn’t happened since. Though as I said, they were old enough to know better.

I use fat as a descriptor like tall, short, etc. My kids do too. I’ve always said I’m fat and been neutral about it so they don’t assign any value to it.

I’ve also taught them not to comment on other people’s bodies. Obviously answering any questions or curiosity with relevant answers.

What a great response - totally factual and polite

I agree with this. I tell mine that it's not polite to comment on other people's bodies but it is ok to say you like what they are wearing, what they've done with their hair etc.

I say this as someone who has a massive problem with body image. I come from a family who comment relentlessly on how people (mainly women) look. Gleefully saying 'oooh you've lost weight', quietly commenting amongst themselves when people have put weight on, what people look like in their clothes (ie a person is too fat or thin or old for what they are wearing), and also 'oh you look knackered'. I always felt constantly 'observed' and like it mattered to other people what I look like.

I really really go to great lengths to avoid this with my own and other kids.

I remember once, in public, hearing a little boy say about some woman ,"She's fat!" The mother must have said don't say that, but the child repeated much louder, "But she IS fat. Fat like a PIG!"
If you are able to bring up your children not to say that, well done.

Why? They both mean the same thing. I am overweight and people can see that because of my fat. Im not overweight because I have long legs, or a big head, or extra ribs. I have got fat legs. Not overweight legs!
Both words are descriptors of bodies.

I think its easier and simpler to just encourage them to not make personal comments at all about peoples bodies.
I have a DD15 who has been battling anorexia and one of the triggers was being called fat by nasty kids. I've always been really clear to my kids that its never acceptable to make personal comments about other people's bodies, its upsetting that other parents don't do the same.
I'd literally be more bothered if my kids said fuck than called someone fat!

I’m autistic so I was quite honest with mine:
”You can’t say that word. People won’t like you if you say that word and you could get into trouble.”

I don't know why I click on these fat threads tbh but as a fat person whenever kids (mine or other people's) have mentioned my fat tummy I pat it and say 'yes it's lovely isn't it'.

No doubt I will be hoisted on a flaming stick by the people on here worried about my HEALTH like my health is a public issue for that but I think modelling feeling nice about myself is fine, or saying something surprising to make myself feel better is. Especially since none of us lives in a vacuum and the prevailing culture will generally out (i.e. fat is satan's uniform).

As an aside, fat people know they are fat. They know when other people are saying things to / about them make them feel bad too, even if they don't appear to. Fat is not equal to stupid or ill observant.

'It's not very nice to talk about other people's bodies.'

Covers everything

I agree, once you tell children not to say a particular word because it’s ‘naughty’, or you chastise them for saying it, they will often use that word purposely because they’ve learned that it’s ‘naughty’.

I've got two boys at primary and quite recently they have been coming home and saying people are 'fat' - it's something they hear at home so it's coming from school.

I've just told them it's rude to comment on other peoples appearances and they seem to have accepted that. Fat people are fat, thin people are thin, those are just facts but nobody needs to remark on it and that's all children need to learn.