How to talk to children about the word “fat”?

[Bodyqqqqq]

This morning, my six year old looked at me coming out the shower and said (not cruelly) “fat”. And I said “what’s fat?” And he said “your tummy”.

I’m not “fat”, I just have a squashy mum tum. I don’t feel hurt, though layers of “fat is bad” narrative stuffed into my head by society made it a little hard to hear!

How do I talk to him about using the word “fat” to describe people’s bodies? It could hurt the feelings of someone else. But equally, I don’t want him to think “fat is bad”.

Help!

How old is she?

My DS went through a phase of saying people were fat etc. I just asked him if he thought that person would like to be described that way. He knew they wouldn’t like it. (He did transition through a that person is fat but wouldn’t like it if they heard you but we got there in the end)

I say that fat is just a word to describe a bigger body, but that it may hurt people's feelings as commenting on others' appearance isn't a good idea cause you never know what people are sensitive about.

I also tell them that yes, I am fat (size 18 because of a big tummy) and I don't find that word offensive because I am ok with who I am. That I am bigger than I could be because I eat a bit too much of stuff that I probably shouldn't if I wanted to be smaller, and don't do enough exercise, in part because I have 3 young children and am tired!

I wouldn't make it about fat, I'd make it about not making personal comments. Talk about what is acceptable:
"I love your dress", "nice hair" etc, and not saying "why have you got that funny thing on your face?2

Be slightly careful about it because something they may see as lovely and a compliment may not be to the listener. Ds when a toddler used to tell me he loved my wobbly bits. He meant it totally sincerely. So when talking to him about similar things I think I went for compliments on things that can be easily changed.

I don't know that fat people are always aware that they're fat. Most people in the UK are fat, but most people probably refer to themselves as "normal". There was a thread yesterday about an obese woman shocked that she was classed as obese, and a bunch of replies saying that she was fine and probably just "strong" 🙄

Overthinking I think. A kid just learns words and sees images. They don't have the same connotations. Fat, thin, tall, short. All kiddie words that mean nothing much except their descriptions. Learning about words that hurt can be brought into conversation as they get older, but most realise this if they have empathy.

Imagine telling someone their baby is fat and expecting them to take it as a compliment!

No, most people don’t know they’re fat because of all the body positivity bullshit.

Imagine coming onto MN because you’re told it’s a forum that supports women and instead you find all these threads shaming and abusing women.

reminds me of this...had similar said to me !

I just say everyone has fat on their bodies and it's important to eat a healthy diet so you don't get too much fat as that wouldn't be good for your body. Also that it's not nice to comment on how people look unless you're saying they look pretty.

Fat - it describes ''fatness'', a less than toned person or animal with a greater mass.
It's just a description.

My dog got called 'Skinny' the other day by a stranger's child-she isn't 'Skinny', just her correct weight for her breed,{now} but she WAS called fat by my son a few months ago when she was eating too many treats- {My fault}

Fat isn't a bad word.

That's great!🤣

I was about to say the same. I can't get upset over the use of the word fat. I am fat.

Do you go up to people in the street and say ‘hello fat person!’ or take it upon yourself to tell friends/acquaintances that they are fat and need to face it? If not, why not?

Not randoms in the street, but both my and DH's family absolutely do openly and bluntly discuss each others' weight. We're very realistic about our fatness or lack thereof, no pussyfooting around the subject.

The above was replying to @Skinnermarink

I find some of the remarks here so, well, nasty. (I am fairly fat.). Why do people think it’s ok to say things like this about people who are fat? It’s really mean. And I don’t buy the whole “maybe it will make them lose weight those pathetic fatty idiots” line - I know I am fat, I would like to lose weight. For a whole load of reasons that’s really, really hard. Being horrible about it isn’t going to make it easier. 😢

But why though? I’m struggling to imagine it. So you all meet up for a nice family get together and it’s all ‘ooh blimey Babs you’re packing it compared to last time we saw you!’ ‘careful Tina, thinness really ages your face’ ‘Enough dinner now Harry, you don’t want to be getting fat’ and everyone just laughs along gaily?

Well... Yeah? Pretty much.

How horrible. I hope everyone is an board with that as you think they are.

Don't worry, we are 😊

I teach mine to be kind, not comment on people’s appearance and appreciate that everyone is different.

OP, I’ve been working on this with my older DC. Main lines I use are “That’s not a kind thing to say about how someone looks” (if it’s directed at me or a family member where I think there is an intent to upset/provoke a reaction”. And when out and about, where I feel it’s more innocent (eg “why is that person fat?”), I remind him that we don’t talk about other people when they can hear us. I don’t mind discussing in age appropriate terms why someone might be overweight or obese but not in their earshot!

Oh, and @Robinbuildsbears , that’s a bit harsh to say people are fat because they abuse their bodies! The reasons for obesity in particular can be quite complex - if people do “abuse their bodies” through poor diet, it can be due to poverty, untreated mental health issues or neurodiversity, side effects of medication and/or disability - I wouldn’t be so quick to pass judgement, personally. The food industry and prevalence of UPFs don’t help, ditto many aspects of modern lifestyles.

I find this hard to believe and incredibly unsupportive. You might consider yourselves physically healthy, but the mental and eating disorders being encouraged and passed onto children is huge.