To be annoyed at dh's investments

[PurplePeopleEaterParty]

We have an OK combined income. We live in the SE, so it doesn't go that far, but we should be fairly comfortable.

Dh is tighter than a duck's bum and has a reputation for it 🙄. He has got a little bit better as our household income has improved but he is never going to be a spendy person which overall is a good thing.

Anyway, we live in a small house and overpay on the mortgage which I agree with. But there is so much needs done to it, like some plumbing problems (non urgent but inconvenient) and our dining chairs are literally falling apart and lots of other furniture needs to be replaced, like dc who is now five needs a bigger bed instead of the cot bed. We have big holes in our ceiling from more recent plumbing work. Dh is a pain in the hole to discuss it with as he wrongs his hands over spending money to fix it up 😡.

Meanwhile, he invests chunks of our income into share schemes he has through work. They are low risk and he is Good At Money, so I am not worried he will lose the money.

But aibu to think he should stop investing money and sell some of his shares and us the money to fix up the house?

We both have decent pensions through our work, so the investment is not something we will be reliant on for our retirement. We also have separate savings and kids have JISAs, so it isn't for that either.

It's annoying when he accuses me of spending money on days out with kids or i buy them something or buy myself something, when I never get into debt (we have none other than mortgage) while he also spends money which could be family money on shares!

Aibu?

Thanks for all the comments (I am trying to keep up)! I might not be able to respond as much now as I am going out, but thank you anyway.

My grandad did that to my mum. In the end it all paid for him to go to a much nicer care home than the one my Dad’s grandmother attended (who was a nurse). I think the standard of care was the same but one was in ex country home with gardens and the other was the building across from the Lidl separated by some trees.

He had a bigger funeral with a plaque and a better coffin.

He got early onset dementia so not sure he really appreciated it. Was there for 10 plus years and that plus 2008 burned through everything. Both had complex relationships with their children.

My in-laws retired early and spend their money holidaying and having a great time.

so whatever you decide, spend it before you get too Ill to appreciate it!

New bed and washing machine need to be ordered today, as a minimum. Agree with a pp you can probably get a new one for not much more than replacing the door.

Next thing is the structural stuff, which may take a little longer to organise but must be done promptly. I tend to agree with DH that you don't need new dining chairs at the mo if they're tatty but serviceable. That should be a lower priority than plumbing issues.

Share save schemes through work can be a great way of investing money at no risk (worse case is you get your money back).

But there is no point saving if your house is going to rack and ruin.

Re the holes in the ceiling, can you tell him he's paying more in heating costs as the rooms aren't insulated

As for things like dining room chairs etc, I used to think my grandparents didn't have any money, they had towels with holes in, sat with blankets as they didn't put the heating on. When they both got old and had to go into nursing homes (dementia and physical illness) it turned out they had 100s of 1000s of ££ stashed away, which all went on the home fees. I felt so sorry that they'd not experienced anything like holidays etc as they refused to spend, for it all to go to the gov in the end

Yes to this.

We were a bit silly in our last place and didn't maintain due to a completely busy life with two babies born and bereavement, redundancy etc.

The issues were all non urgent maintenance, not essential, but over time the property looked and felt uncared for and it affected the eventual sale price.

However busy life gets we won't make that mistake again.

I would absolutely not put up with that

Sounds like he knows the price of everything but the value of nothing.

What about negotiating with your husband that a certain amount of money per month goes into the home improvements pot?

I can empathize with his instinct to keep on hoarding, because my head goes "but that's my saaaaaaaaaavings" - but that's my impulse to manage.

What I do to manage it is have a mixture of credit, ready-cash savings and higher-performing savings accounts. Plus a frivolous spends pot for birthdays etc to level out payments through the year.

For example:
£250 saved to refund my monthly birthday spends that exceed a monthly budget
£1k ready cash to deal with any sort of emergency.
£10k available on credit cards for repairs - also gives additional protection.
£10k available in ready-access savings - i.e. I could cover the credit card.
The rest in better savings.

So the £10k is making money, but it's effectively ear marked as spends, not saves.

Fgs, this is not a neglect situation!

Our money = yours too. Instruct him to retrieve it.

This should be covered by your home insurance. Or does it have a very high excess?

Agree completely with this. Unless your DH can agree to a plan that maintains a decent family home and allows for family activities, I would be considering your options.
I don’t want to be unkind but your life sounds like scraping by and being joyless when your circumstances don’t warrant it.

Employee share option schemes are usually quite a good value investment.

You should though aim to spend an average of 1% of the value of your home each year to maintain it and the value of it.