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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

pedantry: I'm ADHD vs I have ADHD

119 replies

quibling · 10/08/2023 19:52

I am hearing people say "I'm ADHD" when I'd rather they said "I have ADHD"
I totally get the argument against saying "he has autism" because it's not a disease, and its a fundamental part of the person. I get that its better to say 'he is autistic' instead.
But given ADHD starts for "Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder" it doesn't make sense to say "I am disorder" also, unlike autism, you can develop ADHD in later life, so its a different kind of thing.
AIBU to think this is wrong?

OP posts:
arlequin · 11/08/2023 16:41

Oh even worse is "I'm a bit OCD".

No, you're not. As someone who has OCD I find this very frustrating.

imautisticandalsoabitch · 11/08/2023 23:54

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

imautisticandalsoabitch · 11/08/2023 23:56

I always wondered how this could happen to others when it did - and now it's my turn - posted the above in the wrong thread - have asked mumsnet to delete 😀

PTSDBarbiegirl · 12/08/2023 00:28

It might be helpful to read up on ASD & ADHD a bit more so you understand the diagnosis and what it means.

MottledPie · 12/08/2023 00:41

ntmdino · 11/08/2023 12:37

The problem is that it's easy to say "I'm autistic" because there are two names for the condition - "autism" and "ASD". There isn't for ADHD, so all that's available are colloquialisms and individual cutesy names for it.

For example, my other half prefers to say "I've got squirrels" or "Are my squirrels showing?".

As for the whole "can develop ADHD later in life", that's absolute rubbish. If any medical professionals come out with such stupidity, it's usually because they've ignored all the research that's been done in the last 20 years or so (often wilfully), just like my GP who told me it wasn't possible for me to be autistic because I've got a job and I'm married (yes, that was the reason for refusing my referral).

Hah. My ex go told me that I couldn't possibly have ADHD because I wasn't a school leaver, was married and had never been in trouble with the law. They also said that they wouldn't follow the psychiatrist's recommendation to prescribe methyl phenidate as "ritalin is basically speed". (GP 's words, not mine.)

Blackberriesbob · 12/08/2023 00:42

Honestly, so many people are saying they have things like adhd now anyway that it's lost all meaning. I don't think anyone cares. It's like people saying 'I'm asexual '.

ntmdino · 12/08/2023 00:47

Blackberriesbob · 12/08/2023 00:42

Honestly, so many people are saying they have things like adhd now anyway that it's lost all meaning. I don't think anyone cares. It's like people saying 'I'm asexual '.

Yeah...it's not possible that decades of under-diagnosis, misdiagnosis and incorrectly-prescribed medication has resulted in a larger-than-expected population of neurodiverse people at all, is it?

OnRose · 12/08/2023 01:17

HERE is a proper study on what language is preferred. The study was carried out by a team from The University of Birmingham and published in Dec 2022. It's called "Autism-related language preferences of English-speaking individuals across the globe: A mixed methods investigation". Have a look at the results about how people like to refer to autism etc This study is for autism but the general result help give an idea that there are many ways people like to refer to themselves.

The thing I noticed with this study and a previous one I've seen before is that 'person first' ie "person who has autism" is less popular than "is autistic"

The main message has to be that there are lots of different ways that people like to use. Disapproving of one of the ones that many people prefer to use is a bit pompous and not very nice tbh.

OnRose · 12/08/2023 01:26

Sorry my post is a bit garbled. I know that study is for autism not adhd but I thought it was still relevant to the thread.

LimeDrizzled · 12/08/2023 02:00

I have multiple disabilities and diagnoses, they don't define me, they don't make me who I am, but they are a huge part of my life. I think people should be able to use whatever terms they feel comfortable with to define themselves and their experience though.

babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo · 12/08/2023 02:01

I have ADHD and the correct phrase is just that. You wouldn’t say “I’m tuberculosis” or something, would you? 😂

LimeDrizzled · 12/08/2023 02:20

babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo · 12/08/2023 02:01

I have ADHD and the correct phrase is just that. You wouldn’t say “I’m tuberculosis” or something, would you? 😂

True . The word used for those with TB back in the day was "a consumptive. " which does make it sound like it was seen as an identity . Of course socially there was a terrible stigma around it, maybe that's why. Like how epilieptics, and those with cerebral palsy were stigmatized and referred to as their condition.

Ponoka7 · 12/08/2023 10:16

Willyoujustbequiet · 11/08/2023 15:43

Well dc had no traits at all until the year before diagnosis so I can understand why they say develop. I'm aware there is a growing area of research that says things like trauma and environmental factors can affect the structure of a child's brain so it makes sense to me. Perhaps people are genetically predisposed to it but other factors then trigger it.

The parenting course required by the health trust before the meds are prescribed made a point of saying as the brain further develops many kids grow out of ADHD so the converse would make sense I suppose.

From the now adults, who have ADHD, including myself I don't think that you do grow out of it, you learn to manage some of the issues. As I said if they are preaching that as the facts, they are wrong to be doing that.

Willyoujustbequiet · 12/08/2023 10:26

Ponoka7 · 12/08/2023 10:16

From the now adults, who have ADHD, including myself I don't think that you do grow out of it, you learn to manage some of the issues. As I said if they are preaching that as the facts, they are wrong to be doing that.

I'm by no means saying everyone or even most do grow out of it but they appear to be correct in saying some children do. Camhs said the same and the research supports it. I'm sure some just manage symptoms as they get older but as brains continue to develop until our mid twenties it makes sense some children will grow out of the traits required to meet the threshold for diagnosis.

Psychonabike · 12/08/2023 11:05

@Willyoujustbequiet

On developing later:

It's complicated. The structural differences in the ADHD brain are there from birth. But there is maturation of the brain over the first approximately 25 years of life, so that largely on scans that basically show gross structure, after around 25 years the brains of non-ADHD subjects and ADHD subjects look pretty similar. Given this and other findings around the change in symptoms over time, it's felt that ADHD is a condition associated with neurodevelopmental maturational delay -kids with ADHD fall behind their peers with the gap widening over time.

The stage at which that gap becomes clinically apparent and significant will vary from ADHD child to ADHD child depending on severity, symptom profile, and the environment they are in. Inattentive kids rather than predominantly hyperactive fall under the radar for a long time, some girls too because of social behaviour which masks, and some ADHD kids are lucky enough to find themselves in heavily scaffolded supportive environment.

Late diagnosis doesn't mean they didn't always have it, it means that because of these factors and more, the gap didn't become wide enough, or the presentation problematic enough to be recognised previously.

On growing out of it:

As above, a lot of the idea that you grow out of it came from gross structural scans showing that ADHD brains caught up after a period of maturational delay. Such scans probably weren't detailed enough, things like computerised batteries of neuropsychological function and functional MRI (scanning while engaged in tasks of focus, attention, decision making etc) show ongoing differences throughout the life span. The other thing is that there is a gradual change in symptoms as people age which can make it seem like people have outgrown it. E.g. the hyperactive kid who runs impulsively into traffic, becomes a fidgety foot tapping adult = much less noticeable; the impulsive kid who leaps into risks, becomes an adult who can't inhibit themselves from impulsively interrupting or over-speaking =seems annoying rather than a clinical problem, doesn't it?

When you read that 60-70% "grow out" of ADHD, what is meant is that 30-40% still have an objective clinically significant condition requiring treatment. Obviously that's quite an external objective assessment, defining a somewhat arbitrary measure. It doesn't say much about the subjective experience of any individual. The overwhelming majority will have a subjective experience of cognitive differences. What's more is that this figure is rapidly changing with research, with greater understanding ever reducing the size of the group who are felt to "grow out" of it. Similar shifts have been seen over time with greater understanding of genetics -at one time the majority of ADHD was felt to be related the birth injury and environmental factors (blame the parents). I've watched over the years as the proportion of ADHD presentations felt to be inherited has increased 40%, 50%, 70%, 80%, 90%, 95%...

@Blackberriesbob

So many people, because it is so many people.

You may not care, and that's part of the problem.

ND children have been ignored for a long time. I'm old enough to have gone to school at a time when there were just those odd kids. The ones teachers shouted at and everyone else ignored or avoided. Or bullied them in playgrounds. Called them smelly or worse. And they gradually disappeared. Not everyone who started p1 came back for p2...etc. Then some disappeared out of mainstream education when it was time for secondary. I went to a tiny rural primary school and each class photo shows the kids who disappeared. And you know what, no one cared.

ADHD has always been understood as one of the most common childhood conditions, at a rate of 1 in 20. If you go into the history of paediatrics even 150 years ago there are reports of impulse disorders, disinhibition conditions. The name has changes, clinical science tells us more and more. But it has historically been given little attention in adults.

The current wave of awareness is not about fashion or identity politics. It's the shift to understanding ADHD as a lifetime neurodivergence rather than a childhood condition that the majority can ignore.

1 in 20 is a lot of people not to care about.

Willyoujustbequiet · 12/08/2023 12:25

Psychonabike · 12/08/2023 11:05

@Willyoujustbequiet

On developing later:

It's complicated. The structural differences in the ADHD brain are there from birth. But there is maturation of the brain over the first approximately 25 years of life, so that largely on scans that basically show gross structure, after around 25 years the brains of non-ADHD subjects and ADHD subjects look pretty similar. Given this and other findings around the change in symptoms over time, it's felt that ADHD is a condition associated with neurodevelopmental maturational delay -kids with ADHD fall behind their peers with the gap widening over time.

The stage at which that gap becomes clinically apparent and significant will vary from ADHD child to ADHD child depending on severity, symptom profile, and the environment they are in. Inattentive kids rather than predominantly hyperactive fall under the radar for a long time, some girls too because of social behaviour which masks, and some ADHD kids are lucky enough to find themselves in heavily scaffolded supportive environment.

Late diagnosis doesn't mean they didn't always have it, it means that because of these factors and more, the gap didn't become wide enough, or the presentation problematic enough to be recognised previously.

On growing out of it:

As above, a lot of the idea that you grow out of it came from gross structural scans showing that ADHD brains caught up after a period of maturational delay. Such scans probably weren't detailed enough, things like computerised batteries of neuropsychological function and functional MRI (scanning while engaged in tasks of focus, attention, decision making etc) show ongoing differences throughout the life span. The other thing is that there is a gradual change in symptoms as people age which can make it seem like people have outgrown it. E.g. the hyperactive kid who runs impulsively into traffic, becomes a fidgety foot tapping adult = much less noticeable; the impulsive kid who leaps into risks, becomes an adult who can't inhibit themselves from impulsively interrupting or over-speaking =seems annoying rather than a clinical problem, doesn't it?

When you read that 60-70% "grow out" of ADHD, what is meant is that 30-40% still have an objective clinically significant condition requiring treatment. Obviously that's quite an external objective assessment, defining a somewhat arbitrary measure. It doesn't say much about the subjective experience of any individual. The overwhelming majority will have a subjective experience of cognitive differences. What's more is that this figure is rapidly changing with research, with greater understanding ever reducing the size of the group who are felt to "grow out" of it. Similar shifts have been seen over time with greater understanding of genetics -at one time the majority of ADHD was felt to be related the birth injury and environmental factors (blame the parents). I've watched over the years as the proportion of ADHD presentations felt to be inherited has increased 40%, 50%, 70%, 80%, 90%, 95%...

@Blackberriesbob

So many people, because it is so many people.

You may not care, and that's part of the problem.

ND children have been ignored for a long time. I'm old enough to have gone to school at a time when there were just those odd kids. The ones teachers shouted at and everyone else ignored or avoided. Or bullied them in playgrounds. Called them smelly or worse. And they gradually disappeared. Not everyone who started p1 came back for p2...etc. Then some disappeared out of mainstream education when it was time for secondary. I went to a tiny rural primary school and each class photo shows the kids who disappeared. And you know what, no one cared.

ADHD has always been understood as one of the most common childhood conditions, at a rate of 1 in 20. If you go into the history of paediatrics even 150 years ago there are reports of impulse disorders, disinhibition conditions. The name has changes, clinical science tells us more and more. But it has historically been given little attention in adults.

The current wave of awareness is not about fashion or identity politics. It's the shift to understanding ADHD as a lifetime neurodivergence rather than a childhood condition that the majority can ignore.

1 in 20 is a lot of people not to care about.

Thank you, I think that's a really good explanation. I've been shot down on here a few times recanting our experience of what our clinicians have said regarding DC being able to grow out of it. I'm not minimising anyone else's experience but I agree with the suggestion it's a delay as that leaves scope for the brains of certain individuals to catch up so to speak. An acceptance that its not set in stone.

Certainly DC has matured to the level of his peers and doesn't require meds or the support he once did. I fully expect CAMHS to say he no longer has it at some point in the future. As you say the research is rapidly changing and its a very complex area, there are so many variables.

Dinopawus · 12/08/2023 12:29

I don't really think it's necessary to be pedantic about how people with ADHD refer to themselves.

Being a dick is being a dick.

PhantomUnicorn · 16/08/2023 11:43

the issue with 'growing out of it' is they're doing more research that basically proves people move into masking more effectively, which they now know leads to burn out.

There is also the factor that, especially with women, hormones are being proved to affect symptoms. You're getting more and more who dont have 'typical' presentation because women are more likely to be inattentive type, who coast through life, then become parents and hit burn out, have kids who start to show symptoms, and then as they go through the process with their kids, realise they have it too. Its also more prevalent during menopause because of hormone fluctuation.

Dr Russel Barkley (i'll check spelling later probably wrong) insisted that when he had kids in his clinic, that they assessed the parents too, as usually one, if not both, also had ADHD.. its a profoundly genetically inheritable condition.

Late diagnosis is both a blessing and a curse.. the stuff my psych said on my diagnoses assessment hit hard, i've basically been trying to navigate life on hard mode wondering why i can't manage and thinking i'm somehow flawed/lazy, i'm not, i'm disabled.

I did not 'grow out of it', i just got better at coping with it, until suddenly i couldn't.

LongTermLurker · 16/08/2023 12:03

Maybe they're using the acronym to mean "I'm attention deficit hyperactivity disordered".

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