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AIBU?

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Original poster

pedantry: I'm ADHD vs I have ADHD

119 replies

quibling · 10/08/2023 19:52

I am hearing people say "I'm ADHD" when I'd rather they said "I have ADHD"
I totally get the argument against saying "he has autism" because it's not a disease, and its a fundamental part of the person. I get that its better to say 'he is autistic' instead.
But given ADHD starts for "Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder" it doesn't make sense to say "I am disorder" also, unlike autism, you can develop ADHD in later life, so its a different kind of thing.
AIBU to think this is wrong?

OP posts:
Dolores87 · 10/08/2023 20:40

FUPAgirl · 10/08/2023 19:59

I really don't like posters on here talking about their DC like this, ' he is ASD/SEN/ADHD'. No he isn't, he is a wonderful human WITH that condition. He is not the condition. I know people disagree and say their DC ARE autistic etc but it really bothers me. My DD HAS autism, it doesn't define her, she is more than that. But then I always say people with disabilities, someone with diabetes etc rather than she is diabetic, she is disabled etc because I think its really important to put the person first. But I know lots of people disagree!

As an autistic person I really hate the phrase "with autism". It make it sound like my autism is some kind of infliction or illness and not a brain difference i have. Polls have shown autistic people generally prefer identity first language terms such as autistic rather then "with autism".

So at the end of the day you can use which ever term you want but i wouldn't judge other parents for listening to autistic people and using the term autistic and not with autism

painochocolate · 10/08/2023 20:43

I get what you're saying but I think people should be able to describe themselves how they like.

Dolores87 · 10/08/2023 20:44

I am both autistic and adhd. I say autistic. I am not "with autism". I say i am adhd and i have adhd just because i am adhd linguistically feels awkward. I disagree that i am disordered though so generally dont like adhd as a term.

You cant develop adhd as an adult. Its a neurodevelopmental condition. There are conditions you can develop as an adult though that can mimic adhd symptoms such as trauma.

MakeMineADouble81 · 10/08/2023 20:50

FUPAgirl · 10/08/2023 19:59

I really don't like posters on here talking about their DC like this, ' he is ASD/SEN/ADHD'. No he isn't, he is a wonderful human WITH that condition. He is not the condition. I know people disagree and say their DC ARE autistic etc but it really bothers me. My DD HAS autism, it doesn't define her, she is more than that. But then I always say people with disabilities, someone with diabetes etc rather than she is diabetic, she is disabled etc because I think its really important to put the person first. But I know lots of people disagree!

I agree with you. My son has ADHD and we are always telling him it's a part of him, the same way he has blue eyes and is right handed, but it doesn't define who he is. I think referring to somebody as being a condition makes it seem like that's all there is to them.

Fromage · 10/08/2023 20:54

I don't generally care how others define or describe themselves, it's just that "I am ADHD" is grammatically clunky, to my ears.

You wouldn't say "I am diabetes" like you were the earthly embodiment of the condition.

Fromage · 10/08/2023 20:55

Like "I am woman, hear me roar" but more "I am ADHD, why am I still fucking sitting here titting about on the internet when that washing has been sitting damp in the machine since lunchtime?"

sooverthisshit · 10/08/2023 20:57

a huge part of my diagnosis was proving I DID have it in childhood so no I really don’t think you can develop it later in life …

Willyoujustbequiet · 10/08/2023 21:00

Diddykong · 10/08/2023 19:53

Can you develop it in later life or is it just that lots of people don't get diagnosed until later?

You can develop it as a child. Dc was 8. Unlike autism which you are born with.

Ponoka7 · 10/08/2023 21:08

Willyoujustbequiet · 10/08/2023 21:00

You can develop it as a child. Dc was 8. Unlike autism which you are born with.

Show quote history

Was it a UK doctor who told you that he wasn't born with it? It can emerge at any age, but you are born with it.

TrainspottingWelsh · 10/08/2023 21:11

It mildly irritates me because it doesn’t make sense.
‘I’m autistic/ I have autism’ is completely up to the individual. But nobody says I am autism, should be the same for adhd.
It only really annoys me when it’s some nt twat trying to armchair dx themselves or someone else on the basis of shit stereotypes and in that context including ‘I’m adhd’ just enhances my annoyance.
The context it’s in pretty much covers all my feelings on any discussion or language around nd.

Yab far more unreasonable for suggesting it’s something you develop, rather than are born with. If you don’t even understand what the condition is you certainly aren’t in a position to debate the semantics.

TregunaMekoides · 10/08/2023 21:15

I suppose it's the same as people saying "I'm a bit OCD".

Makes no sense.

And generally bolllocks because no one with actual OCD says that.

TrainspottingWelsh · 10/08/2023 21:17

Fromage · 10/08/2023 20:55

Like "I am woman, hear me roar" but more "I am ADHD, why am I still fucking sitting here titting about on the internet when that washing has been sitting damp in the machine since lunchtime?"

Because at this time there’s really no point in doing anything with it, might as well just relax for the evening. And then in the morning you’ll definitely sort it first thing, along with about 50 other jobs because tomorrow is the day you are determined to get shit done.
Then again tomorrow is Friday so in the morning it might be as well to leave it until weekend when you definitely, certainly, absolutely will accomplish loads of boring shit 😂

romdowa · 10/08/2023 21:20

Psychonabike · 10/08/2023 20:38

@quibling

I am hearing people say "I'm ADHD" when I'd rather they said "I have ADHD"
I totally get the argument against saying "he has autism" because it's not a disease, and its a fundamental part of the person. I get that its better to say 'he is autistic' instead.
But given ADHD starts for "Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder" it doesn't make sense to say "I am disorder" also, unlike autism, you can develop ADHD in later life, so its a different kind of thing.
AIBU to think this is wrong?

You are making a few mistakes here.

ADHD is understood as a form of neurodivergence with a close relationship to Autism. Many Autistic people prefer identity first language rather than person first e.g. Autistic person vs Person with Autism. This is because Autism can form such a key part of their personality. Similar language is preferred by many neurodivergent people with ADHD though there isn't really easily used language around it, like "Autistic". So you'll find lots of people say "I'm ADHD" or "I'm AuDHD" (Autistic with ADHD).

ADHD is poorly named, and sounds like a condition that neurotypical people develop like a disease. But it's not, it is a neurodivergence that is a fundamental part of the person. Like Autism it can't be cured. Medication doesn't change the fact that a person has ADHD, it just enhances the transmission of dopamine and improves function.

You cannot develop ADHD in later life. It can go unrecognised until later life having been masked or unrecognised previously. Some people might experience a worsening though life events -burn out, depression, menopause etc which brings the diagnosis to light, but it's still not new. Some people can develop cognitive deficits similar to ADHD as a result of brain injury, but again this is probably not the same thing as true ADHD which is ever present and associated with differences in brain structure and function from birth.

The bottom line though, is that people who have a condition are the ones who choose how they identify and describe that condition. You just need to respect that. They will have their reasoning as to whether they want to use identity first or person first language. Some people still prefer to describe themselves as having Asperger's despite the controversies around this. Working in mental health I always use the term the patient prefers

All of this right here , all day long!!!

TheFireflies · 10/08/2023 21:22

You don’t develop ADHD later in life. It’s a neurodevelopmental disorder.

I have ADHD and I’d never say “I am ADHD” because, like you say, it wouldn’t be logical for me and also it doesn’t define me. However I don’t police how other people talk about themselves.

Rainbowsandbutterflies1990 · 10/08/2023 21:26

UABU I hate the policing of what u can say what u can say exhausting and annoying does happen with any other disorder or condition! Everyone should decide what they want to use but have no right to decide what others use.

Rainbowsandbutterflies1990 · 10/08/2023 21:27

Doesn't happylen with any other disorder/condition

Snugglemonkey · 10/08/2023 21:39

DojaPhat · 10/08/2023 19:58

I don't think it sounds right to say "I'm ADHD". I'd say something like "I'm hyperactive" then go on to describe the condition in more specific detail but I don't think 'I'm ADHD' really fits within appropriate use of language when discussing disabilities in any case, tbh.

But lots of people who have adhd are not hyperactive at all. That perception is a barrier to diagnosis actually.

coreas · 10/08/2023 21:44

I am hearing people say "I'm ADHD" when I'd rather they said "I have ADHD"

I'm sure they couldn't give a flying fuck how you would rather they described themselves.

Just the thread opener is it?

mycatthinksshesatiger · 10/08/2023 21:53

The reasoning for identity-first rather than person -first language is that it's such a massive part of who you are, how you're wired that it makes no sense to just say 'i have adhd etc' as that somehow diminishes it. Whether you agree with it or not, it's an individual's choice.

I'm a pedant too but do say I'm ADHD and autistic for the reasons I've just given, even though grammatically it makes no sense.

Original poster
quibling · 10/08/2023 21:59

Ok, i take it back about developing ADHD in later life. I don't claim to really know the science. I guess the trauma based conditions are actually different. It is really the grammatical clunkiness of the phrase that bothers me.

FTR I 'have ADHD' (late diagnosed but definitely been there as long as I can remember), my son 'is ADHD'. We have this argument a lot!

I know there is the ASC (autistic spectrum condition) variant of ASD (autistic spectrum disorder) name, but I have not heard any alternative more positive framing of ADHD. Have you @Psychonabike ?

OP posts:
imautisticandalsoabitch · 10/08/2023 22:03

In the interests of extra pedantry... I was thinking that we say I'm blonde but then if we have brown hair we usually say I'm a brunette. So pass, I have no idea what is correct for others, bit I know what's right for me and I'm autistic.

Psychonabike · 10/08/2023 22:12

@quibling

It is totally grammatically clunky, I agree. Poor nomenclature from a time when our understanding was limited.

I hear various ways that people have got round the lack identity first language in ADHD.

Despite ADHD being the key term in the UK, some prefer ADD.

I hear people referring to their Executive Dysfunction condition.

Some people will say "learning differences".

Some just say they are neurodivergent or "neurospicy".

I did go to a talk on this recently and there was clearly a lot to say about the language around Autism but everyone was just a bit stumped about ADHD.

When you are working with it, it soon becomes clear that the key symptoms (from which the name comes) of inattention, hyperactivity and impulsivity often aren't even the key problems. I'd say working memory is one of the biggest issues and it doesn't make the headline. Prioritisation, organising, planning, decision making. Even dyspraxia. Perhaps as it's better understood a new name and language around that will come along.

MottledPie · 10/08/2023 22:14

x2boys · 10/08/2023 20:08

Oh and my older son was diagnosed with Diabetes six months ago and he says he is Diabetic as his right.

Show quote history

Yes, but diabetic can be an adjective whereas ADHD is a noun. Your son's equivalent to this would be to say I am diabetes.

For it to make at least grammatically sense you'd have to say: "I'm an ADHD" but that of course grates as well.

Op im with you. I don't like it either. I also don't like when people say I'm a bit OCD especially not when they just mean that they are clean and conscientious.