Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kids should stand on public transport?

254 replies

Loulou599 · 10/08/2023 16:26

I was on a crowded 1.5 hour train where half of the passengers were standing. There were 3 kids ( not together, each with an adult) who were sitting in a seat, I would guess they were all roughly the same age, around 6 years old.
I thought that kids that age should either stand or sit on their parents lap (I know that's not the most comfortable but standing for an hour and a half isn't either).
What do you think? I just thought it was messed up that these kids were chilling in seats while you had a lot of people in their 50s/60s (not old, not visibly in discomfort) standing, but then I wondered whether it's harder for a child to stand at that age (I don't have kids).

OP posts:
Cowlover89 · 10/08/2023 17:43

Yabu

Kangaroo1 · 10/08/2023 17:44

Was it during commuting times? As someone currently on maternity leave who used to commute it would drive me WILD when parents rocked up with their kids on a 5pm train and expected their kids to get a seat just because they were children. Even with a kid now I know I will never travel with her at commuting times. And if I absolutely need to and have no choice then she will be held or be standing, holding on if safe. Otherwise I pick a quieter route home/time. I'm not a child hater, it's just about applying logic for me.

sleepyscientist · 10/08/2023 17:45

Loulou599 · 10/08/2023 17:21

But why?! Why on earth would an able-bodied 30, 40 or 50 year-old need or deserve the seat more than a child? It's not because the child is 'precious', it's that there is literally no logical reason for it whatsoever

I think adults of any age are much much more likely to have problems you won't be able to see. For example imagine somebody who has had surgery and is worried they will be banged into but also doesn't want to ask somebody to move. Or somebody who has PTSD. There can be lots of reasons why an able bodied non elderly adult might not NEED a seat but be better off in one and that's the original thinking behind having kids "respect their elders" by standing. Of course kids can have invisible problems too but it's less likely

Then the adult should have prebooked a seat. Honestly I would rather an adult in pain than a kid in danger.

Mojoj · 10/08/2023 17:45

Of course kids should give up their seat to an older person. It's called good manners. What is the matter with today's parents? There is no way I would have sat on public transport with my kids taking up a seat and not make them give it up for an older person. If they're small enough, they go on your lap, big enough, they can stand. Manners!!

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 10/08/2023 17:48

Of course kids can have invisible problems too but it's less likely.

Evidence please. Are you really claiming that the average, say 40 or 50 year-old is likely to find it less easy to stand up for the duration of a train journey than a 6 year-old?

and that's the original thinking behind having kids "respect their elders" by standing

No it isn't. That's not what 'respect your elders' meant at all. It was about deference and status.

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 10/08/2023 17:50

Mojoj · 10/08/2023 17:45

Of course kids should give up their seat to an older person. It's called good manners. What is the matter with today's parents? There is no way I would have sat on public transport with my kids taking up a seat and not make them give it up for an older person. If they're small enough, they go on your lap, big enough, they can stand. Manners!!

Why? Why should my 11 yo give up a seat to a 25 yo or is there an age limit? Is it only over a certain age and in which case what age, do they need to give up their seat for a 35 yo, 45yo, 50?

Sabrinasummersamples · 10/08/2023 17:53

@Mojoj I'd actually say maybe you should learn some manners here rather than expecting your kids to have some on your behalf. Why should they stand and not you?

Original poster
Loulou599 · 10/08/2023 17:53

Evidence please. Are you really claiming that the average, say 40 or 50 year-old is likely to find it less easy to stand up for the duration of a train journey than a 6 year-old

That's not what I said, is it? I said adults are more likely to have some kind of physical or mental health issue than children. It's common sense. It's called ageing.

OP posts:
Mojoj · 10/08/2023 17:54

And that attitude is exactly what I'm talking about.

InsomniacsWife · 10/08/2023 17:55

If you're infirm, pregnant or elderly yes.

If you're just a regular adult what makes you more entitled to a seat than them

Would you give your seat up for a perfectly healthy adult 15 years older than you?

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 10/08/2023 17:55

Of course kids should give up their seat to an older person.

Elderly person, yes. Young to middle-aged adult, nope.

Yellowlegobrick · 10/08/2023 17:56

When you have kids of your own you may feel differently. You want them seated safely and when you've paid for a ticket for them, you don't view a healthy adult as any more entitled to a seat than a school aged child.

For one, I'd guess you are getting ages wrong and seeing children younger than 6. My 6 year old is thin but tall, and he is much too big and heavy for either of us to sit safely and comfortably on my lap!

Lots of children struggle to balance stood up on trains, they are much more at risk if there's an accident. Society generally tends to seek to protect/rescue children before healthy adults.

As a healthy adult I would give up my seat to a child, not the other way around.

UnderCarraigeWoes · 10/08/2023 17:56

Like bugger would I want a 6 year old on my lap for 90 minutes. A toddler yes but not a 6 year old, they're bloody big and heavy.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 10/08/2023 17:58

That's not what I said, is it? I said adults are more likely to have some kind of physical or mental health issue than children. It's common sense. It's called ageing.

Some of them might, yes. I don't think that's a reason to assume they automatically do. Some children might have issues or be ill. Or... you know... have less good balance and get tired easily because they are young children. And children are certainly not immune to mental health issues or SEN which might make such joirneys harder for them.

MariaVT65 · 10/08/2023 17:59

I would actually give up my seat if I saw a 6 year old standing.

Yellowlegobrick · 10/08/2023 18:00

Oh and i wouldn't be making children stand for an adult on principal to convey some old fashioned message that children are worth less/deserve a seat less than adults, or that a child must respect an adult purely for their age.

Yellowlegobrick · 10/08/2023 18:02

Like bugger would I want a 6 year old on my lap for 90 minutes. A toddler yes but not a 6 year old, they're bloody big and heavy.

Twenty quid says op hasn't ever had a 6 year old on their lap for as long as 5 mins and doesn't realise how heavy they are. Last time i had DS on mine i rapidly got pins and needles in my leg!!!

WhatNoRaisins · 10/08/2023 18:04

I've never got the logic of respecting adults purely for their age. There are plenty of shitty adults about.

FrivolousTreeDuck · 10/08/2023 18:05

iatealltheminieggs · 10/08/2023 16:32

My DC can't keep their balance on a moving train.

It always amazes me when people expect children to stand on public transport. Its at such odds with the fact they all legally need to be strapped into a car seat if in a car.

So do adults need to wear a seatbelt Confused

Tandora · 10/08/2023 18:06

Why the hell should a small child stand so an adult can have a seat??! 😳 small Children are easily tired and vulnerable to falling over, they should have priority over (non-elderly), (non-disabled), (non-pregnant) adults, not be asked to give way. Honestly these kind of attitudes give me the rage. Children are no less people. 😡

CrosstheTee · 10/08/2023 18:18

I have a 4 year old and if we are on a busy bus I usually make sure she gets the vacant seat and as my other kids are in prams I tend to sit in the seats near the buggy area if avail, sometimes I hold my daughter on my lap if it is a short journey but it's not the most comfortable thing in the world. I wouldn't expect a small child to stand up for able bodied adults no way 🙅‍♂️ I get cross very easily when adults see me with my kids and don't make an effort to give up their seats or move their property.

DaisyAndDonaldDuck · 10/08/2023 18:21

YABU. Why should they?

salamanderdinosaur · 10/08/2023 18:27

If I’ve paid for a seat why should they. A 6 year old for example would go flying much easier than an able bodied adult.

Neverseenbefore · 10/08/2023 18:28

CrosstheTee · 10/08/2023 18:18

I have a 4 year old and if we are on a busy bus I usually make sure she gets the vacant seat and as my other kids are in prams I tend to sit in the seats near the buggy area if avail, sometimes I hold my daughter on my lap if it is a short journey but it's not the most comfortable thing in the world. I wouldn't expect a small child to stand up for able bodied adults no way 🙅‍♂️ I get cross very easily when adults see me with my kids and don't make an effort to give up their seats or move their property.

No way would I give up my seat for a child in those circumstances. It’s appalling that you think that would be appropriate.

Sugarfree23 · 10/08/2023 18:28

AchyBreakyCold · 10/08/2023 17:06

my kids always stood for adults (either moving to my lap or standing themselves). They'll still stand today if someone looks like they need a seat. They are in their 20s now and I do think you rarely see children standing for adults anymore.

Maybe parents have got more sense, and realise the dangers of children standing. Short people, who aren't particularly strong, unable to reach lots of the grab rails.
Makes much more sense for them to be in seats and adult males who can actually reach the grab rails stand.

Swipe left for the next trending thread