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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is being unreasonable, me or my manager?

213 replies

Kowaii · 08/08/2023 21:44

My line manager absolutely loves our job. Which is fair enough.
She made a weird comment on Saturday about the person who worked there before me didn’t “care” about the job, just came in at 9 and left at 5 and that was that. I thought this was odd as it’s literally a 9-5 job.
On Monday morning I got to work and had a load of emails from her that has been sent the previous night. I thought maybe the time was just wrong in the emails.
Today she’s called a meeting with me asking why I didn’t respond to the emails sooner. I said I didn’t see them until I got to work.
She questioned why I want signed in to my work stuff on my personal phone as I then would’ve seen the email was urgent and responded.
Turns out she expects me to basically be “at work” pretty much 24/7. I’ve said I absolutely will not be looking at emails on my time off and directing my work number to my personal number (wtf!).

She seemed genuinely shocked by this. I said I’m paid 9-5 so I will be working 9-5 and no, I don’t think about work when I leave the office. She seems to have made her life about this job.

Aibu to think this is crazy and I’m not being a twat by not having any of my work on my personal phone? I don’t see what I could do from home anyway without my work computer in front of me!

OP posts:
RoadSignFool · 09/08/2023 20:05

Bunnycat101 · 09/08/2023 19:49

@Joevanswell that is just cruel. I’ve been in jobs where there was a long hours culture, lots of reactive work but there is not one boss that I’ve had that would have said no to a request to leave for a poorly baby- most wouldn’t expect to have been asked in that situation.

I agree. Same experience. It’s a shame your husband didn’t just leave (the office, not the job).

Lifeomars · 09/08/2023 20:24

I had a manager like that, she was obsessed with the job, she would send our admin worker emails at 11pm at night,the poor woman would arrive at work to a full inbox full of stuff the manager had generated during the evening . She'd work every weekend on these stupid grids and plans which in reality could have health with in a few bullet point in a team meeting. Everything was expressed in overblown language which made it more complex to understand. I left, she was exhausting to be around.

Moneynewpence · 09/08/2023 20:51

Kowaii · 08/08/2023 21:58

I’m on 35k so it’s a no from me!

I was on that as a social worker and definitely was expected to answer manager's emails at all hours and at weekends... 6.30 on a Saturday morning...

cansu · 09/08/2023 21:02

I think that by responding to emails out of hours you set up the expectation that you will check and respond. I had this with parents as a teacher. I started responding to one mum on non urgent things out of hours just to be nice. It became ridiculous as she would email me about anything at all hours. I had to stop responding as a lot of the requests or questions were things she could easily have found out or waited to ask the school office. I eventually have had to stop looking at and responding to my emails constantly. I was worrying about things over the weekend and it sometimes was a huge source of stress.

Kwasi · 09/08/2023 23:38

I am currently arguing with my boss because I want to be able to access emails remotely. I work part-time and it would be handy to check emails out of hours. However, if I worked your hours, I absolutely would not need to check emails after 5pm. Your boss is very unreasonable.

Also, my husband works for a large, global company that doesn’t allow access to any company emails on person devices due to security reasons. They’re not even allowed to access Teams on a personal mobile phone.

Rubiconmango · 10/08/2023 05:53

Kowaii · 09/08/2023 19:06

35k is peanuts!

wow that’s a bit of an unnecessary comment.

Thanks all. I’m entering a new career after being a midwife for 5 years (so I know all about working outside of my hours and going above and beyond!)

I have absolutely no intention of doing anything other than my 9-5 hours and I’ve made that very clear that after my healthcare background I basically just want to have a job I don’t have to think about. I’m good at my new role, and I’m doing very well at it and that’s enough for me.

I meant in the context of manager demanding all access. It's not that deep. I'm on 35k and it's a pretty amazing salary to be on ;-)

Mowglo · 10/08/2023 09:53

Is this in east London for a non profit organisation by any chance?

I had a veryyy similar situation plus other issues all down to poor management and the woman really impacted my life. I dreaded going in, there was no end to how she lived for her job but was really unorganised and so that there were often last minute issues which she manipulated regulating in late requests and I could never do enough. HR was one person (trained in an entirely different field!) and meetings led to nothing, it was really upsetting, frustrating! Never worked anywhere like it and hope to never again but it did teach me so much in terms of how I’d never manage others, the impact you can have on employees with poor management - it is so draining and really knocked my confidence and belief in myself which was completely reinstated with my following job - lovely manager, team and I just wished I’d left the toxic environment sooner!!

TrustyRusty68 · 10/08/2023 16:01

Only one unreasonable person in that conversation- & it wasn’t you!!
Work to live - not live to work!!

weirdoboelady · 10/08/2023 17:30

Someone else beat me to it - I bet this is a charity. Worst managers out there! (And I speak as an ex-CEO, who would email out of hours but did NOT expect responses OOH).

PalominoUK · 10/08/2023 18:01

I had a boss like this, the pressure to always be available was horrendous, especially as I have a son with different abilities who was undiagnosed at that time, as well as being on the Spectrum myself, being raised with a high work ethic and having a partner who worked shifts, we needed time uninterrupted as a family. In the end I cracked and was 'made redundant ', basically it broke me and its taken over 10 years to recover. I loved the job, had I been single I could have thrown myself into it and travelled as well, but it wasn't compatible with family circumstances.
Think long and hard whether you want to end up like her...

FlipFlop1987 · 10/08/2023 18:52

Doggymummar · 08/08/2023 21:47

Depends what your job description says. If you are supposed to be on call then you are being unreasonable, if not your manager is.

OP says they get paid 9-5. That’s it. They aren’t on call

Iwant2stayanon · 10/08/2023 18:54

That’s absolutely ridiculous and she is unrealistic. She clearly has nothing else in her life. There is no way for £35k I would be available for work all the time. It’s very poor leadership and management of your teams health and well-being to expect them to behave in that way.

Palacelife · 10/08/2023 19:05

It depends what job you’ve got. So in law for example, when your training and junior this is expected. It’s not healthy nor is it sustainable. What is the job?

Aprilx · 10/08/2023 19:06

Iwant2stayanon · 10/08/2023 18:54

That’s absolutely ridiculous and she is unrealistic. She clearly has nothing else in her life. There is no way for £35k I would be available for work all the time. It’s very poor leadership and management of your teams health and well-being to expect them to behave in that way.

It still depends upon what she does. If she is a young trainee professional, then out of hours work could still be expected.

JustAnotherManicMomday · 10/08/2023 19:07

Tell her putting work emails on a personal device is a potential GDPR breach. Your personal phone does not have the same security level.

SharonEllis · 10/08/2023 19:07

Doggymummar · 08/08/2023 21:47

Depends what your job description says. If you are supposed to be on call then you are being unreasonable, if not your manager is.

And if you are supposed to be on call you should be paid for it.

Dummycrusher · 10/08/2023 19:21

I have several friends who work in law and they consistently do more than their contracted hours. Especially the City one!

Original poster
Kowaii · 10/08/2023 19:31

Its not law or a charity. I’m not going to put it on here as it’s quite specific and you never know she might be on here.

But it’s not a job that it is expected to work outside your contracted hours. She is the ONLY person in the office who is like it. Except our CEO but that is obviously expected.

OP posts:
CPRMummy · 10/08/2023 20:16

I'm not "on-call" 24/7 and I'm self employed! Go over her head and question it with HR or her management. She's totally unreasonable and sounds like she has no life but thinks that's normal for everyone.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 10/08/2023 20:20

Not for a 35k job you’re not on call outside of your working hours!

OhcantthInkofaname · 10/08/2023 20:22

So you "work to live" and not "live to work"? Good for you.

moaningmyrtle4 · 10/08/2023 20:49

YANBU

unless you have some sort of on call Rota when occasionally need to be on call, unless you WANT TO you do not need to check your emails When not at work

I check before I go to bed as I work in a global org to check if anything important for the next day but that’s it

Birdy8 · 10/08/2023 20:55

I think she’s insane, a dictator! In my experience women bosses are just as bad as men, all the talk about sisterhood is crap - they don’t really support you unless you’re part of their inner clique. Sadly I had to leave my job for my own sanity.

mumindoghouse · 10/08/2023 20:56

I can’t see that you are contractually required to respond.
if work want you replying to emails round the clock, they should provide the equipment.
Work is a contract. You do X hours of Y. We pay you £. Any overtime should be stipulated in the contract and that must be reasonable.
There’s been too much trading on our goodwill to do that bit more for free for the benefit of the service user, at no cost to the service provider but at personal cost the employee.
personally I think we should all just say no! You want more time, you pay and you pay even more if unsocial hours

pollymere · 10/08/2023 21:40

I had a job where I was expected to answer my phone 24/7. We didn't really have emails as much as we do now. I was part of a Crisis Team and also sometimes had to be at work for 6am (if I did I got put up in a hotel the night before).

The important thing was - I earnt 10K more than most a year for my job accountability. If you do a proper 9-5, then this shouldn't be an expectation of you. I worked 36 hours a week and got overtime and time off in lieu if I worked outside of 9:15 to 17:30. And a fat salary, a Company Credit Card and a Company Mobile Phone when it was barely a thing.

I'd be explaining that you don't have this accountability level and so won't be available outside 9-5. If they wish you to be, then you need to have a contract and renumeration that matches that.

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