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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu for not letting her hang out with my bf when I'm not there?

53 replies

Desupi · 08/08/2023 17:41

My boss took in a refugee last year and I sort of took her under my wing because she's a similar age to me. She had no one else so we've become quite close and she does a lot with me and my bf. Since I got pregnant (I'm 8 weeks) I've found her more and more annoying because she likes to drinks and I can't do that anymore, plus she can be quite a lot to deal with. Not to mention that she is always very over complimentary to my bf.

We all go to a sports class together once a week, but it was brought up recently that now that I'm pregnant it won't be long until I don't go anymore. She asked me if it would be ok for her and my bf to go together, to which I said I wasn't totally comfortable with that.

So now I'm made out to be the bad guy because if he doesn't take her there she can't go because she doesn't have a car. And because he is going anyway it seems reasonable that he should be able to take her too.

But I only feel uncomfortable because of her flirty nature and history of being super complimentary to him ALL THE TIME. And I can't stand the thought of her being alone in the car with him even for the short trips to the gym. I trust him but not her.

AIBU?

OP posts:
oviraptor21 · 08/08/2023 17:43

Why can't you carry on going? It's normally fine to continue a sport you're used to until well into the third trimester.

Dacadactyl · 08/08/2023 17:46

I'd be dialling back my interactions with her to the barest minimums.

She hasn't got your back and I'd be wondering what is her visa situation like too.

AuntMarch · 08/08/2023 17:48

Have you spoken to her about why you won't be comfortable with it?
She might just think she's being friendly and appreciative. If you have and she's carried on regardless then that's different.

I think if she is your friend then your boyfriend should be able to give her a lift. If you really aren't comfortable with that then just be honest about the fact she isn't your friend!

Busubaba · 08/08/2023 17:49

Funny how she's latched onto a couple expecting a baby rather than meeting other singles.

I don't think her intentions are honourable.

monpetitlapin · 08/08/2023 17:53

Yeah she sounds well dodgy. Is this the first time you've ever said no to her? She's acting so entitled, especially piling on the emotional blackmail. I'd distance yourself from her. The immediate effects might be very uncomfortable but it's worth it for the long-term peace.

Original poster
Desupi · 08/08/2023 17:55

It's contact martial arts so I'm not sure how safe it'd be :(

OP posts:
Anotherchristianmama · 08/08/2023 17:55

He can't cheat on you unless he wants to. If you don't trust him leave him.

StarPotential · 08/08/2023 17:55

What does your boyfriend think?

Kitcaterpillar · 08/08/2023 17:57

I'd be more worried that you're having a baby with a man you can't trust, to be honest.

tescocreditcard · 08/08/2023 17:57

This reply has been deleted

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CurlewKate · 08/08/2023 17:58

If you trust him surely it doesn't matter whether you trust her or not?

Kangarude · 08/08/2023 17:59

This reply has been deleted

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Really? How have you noticed that?

It's not really your decision OP, surely it's for your DP to decide if he wants to give her a lift. If you trust him there's no problem

Original poster
Desupi · 08/08/2023 18:00

Kitcaterpillar · 08/08/2023 17:57

I'd be more worried that you're having a baby with a man you can't trust, to be honest.

At the end of my post I said that I trust him but not her.

OP posts:
AndIKnewYouMeantIt · 08/08/2023 18:00

It's up to your boyfriend really but if I were him I wouldn't want to put myself in this position when the other party is flirty/complimentary.

Anotherchristianmama · 08/08/2023 18:02

Desupi · 08/08/2023 18:00

At the end of my post I said that I trust him but not her.

Show quote history

If you trust him then what are you worried about?

StarPotential · 08/08/2023 18:02

Take yourself along anyway.

DiddyHeck · 08/08/2023 18:03

But I only feel uncomfortable because of her flirty nature and history of being super complimentary to him ALL THE TIME. And I can't stand the thought of her being alone in the car with him even for the short trips to the gym. I trust him but not her.

Ahhh the old 'I do trust you, it's the others I don't trust' chestnut. My jealous ex used to pull that on me all the time.

He never really did understand that if he trusted me, it didn't matter whether he trusted everyone else or not 🙄

VyeBrator · 08/08/2023 18:04

Desupi · 08/08/2023 18:00

At the end of my post I said that I trust him but not her.

Show quote history

You don't trust him or it wouldn't matter.

Think about it...

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 08/08/2023 18:04

If you trust him then why would you be worried? It doesn’t matter what another woman does. If you trust him you don’t need to worry.

so apparently you don’t trust hin

TeaKitten · 08/08/2023 18:04

YANBU it sounds like she’s your friend and the friendship is fizzling out anyway as she flirts with your boyfriend and you find her annoying, so it’s understandable you don’t want your boyfriend to carry on building a friendship with her. It’s a good opportunity to step back from the friendship if he doesn’t keep taking her.

XelaM · 08/08/2023 18:06

Go along with them to watch

thecatsthecats · 08/08/2023 18:06

Kitcaterpillar · 08/08/2023 17:57

I'd be more worried that you're having a baby with a man you can't trust, to be honest.

I've never understood what's so very wrong with trusting your partner but not enjoying another woman openly salivating over him and making a play for him.

Angryappendix · 08/08/2023 18:06

Desupi · 08/08/2023 18:00

At the end of my post I said that I trust him but not her.

Show quote history

If you trust him then if she does come on to him he will surely say errrrr back off!!

And then you can tell her to do one. So what’s the problem? Unless you think the more man might be taken advantage off and succumb to her womanly wiles.

Angryappendix · 08/08/2023 18:07

Poor man

Quackadoodledoo · 08/08/2023 18:09

You definitely don't trust him.